Caress Me Down
by anime gher
Summary: RoyEd. The never ending struggle to get these two together in a way that's somewhat believable.
1. You hate me cause I got what you need

Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist and characters belong to Arakawa Hiromu and Square Enix… except for the massive yaoi bomb I detonated on top of them.

Large wood doors closed firmly shut behind the small figure standing in front of them, shoulders hunched over and shaking with rage.

"I'm going to beat the living crap out of him one day!" Ed screamed down the hallway, not caring who heard. He hoped that the smug jerk in the office behind him had heard it too, along with all of his little lapdogs waiting around to serve that selfish ass. He couldn't understand how Roy Mustang could have a single loyal soldier in this entire army when the man sneered and made jabbing remarks about _everything_, from Ed's height to his poor grammar. Everyone else that Ed had met had declared him a genius at alchemy without a second thought; except that unbearable Colonel sitting behind his stupid desk with his stupid reports and stupid gloves.

"Broth-…"

"I'm serious this time! Let's see how the Flame Alchemist reacts when I turn his entire office into ice," Ed laughed as he started to truly consider it. Turning an inanimate object into pure ice, or at least covering that whole room in a nice glaze of frozen water, would be so ridiculously easily. Ed wondered why nobody had done it before. There was already plenty of oxygen in the air, able to become water just as quickly as Roy could turn it into his trademark fire. Ed planted both fists on his hips, beginning to laugh as the plan came together in his head. Al only sighed next to him; the creaking and clanging from his armor as those huge shoulders hunched over drowned out Ed's laughter.

"I wish you wouldn't act like this. You're a State Alchemist now," Alphonse chided him like a mother, despite being the younger one. Ed couldn't wait to get Al back into his original body, because at least then he was shorter than Edward was… at least he had been. Would Al's body have gone through any changes, puberty, _any _kind of aging before he finally got it back? Ed immediately stopped laughing, putting a hand to his chin as he began to contemplate. Alphonse's body had to have gone somewhere- it was the where that Ed couldn't even begin to theorize about. There were hardly any written documents on Human Transmutation, the bulk of it destroyed senselessly by older Alchemists that had declared it a forbidden art and quickly went about suppressing every bit of knowledge about it… as if ignorance would protect them. Everything Ed knew was gleaned from his father's notes- may he rot in hell- and the few books in the Central Library that had barely more than a few paragraphs written about Human Transmutation. It was enough to drive Ed crazy, more superstition than any hard facts for him to find. All he could know for certain was that his arm and leg, along with Al's body, were missing.

"Brother? He really wasn't that bad, was he?" Alphonse pried gently, always careful of Ed's temper. Ed gave a sarcastic snort as his answer, crossing one metal arm over the natural one. He hated these meetings with Mustang. Once a week, he had to go in and get his ass grilled by the Colonel as Roy questioned him about when they had made the mistake of trying to resurrect their mother. Edward hated having to remember it, to go over the idiotic circle array that he had drawn out, all of the materials that he had poured on top, down to the very last second when Alphonse's body broke down in front of his eyes. Ed looked over uncomfortably to the suit of armor that he had tied his brother's soul to, feeling the guilt all over again. Ed began walking; one artificial leg, groaning underneath his pants with each step, was nothing compared to the loss of an entire body. Ed couldn't understand how Al still wanted to be around him, would still want to travel with him after he had imprisoned his little brother inside an oversized suit of armor. _He _should have been the one to lose his body; he had been responsible for the whole mess in the first place. Edward regretted that day he had even begun to think of making another Mother, one that would smile the same, cook the same, and always leave a light on for them. It was unfair that Mother had died, that her life had just ended before they had even grown up. She had never gotten a chance to see her sons make anything of themselves, hadn't been there when they went through the State Alchemist test… just gone. He would have given anything to have her back; at least he had thought so at the time.

But, when the price had been his own brother…

"I am going to beat the shit out of him," Edward snarled under his breath, hating Mustang for bringing up these horrible memories. It was as if the man_ enjoyed _listening to the most awful day of his life, pouring over every detail as if he wanted to revive a loved one of his own. As far as Ed knew, he was the only person to survive through a Human Transmutation… and he didn't want anyone else to experience that pain again. He had given up all thought of having their mother back long, long ago. Now, he just wanted his little brother, warm flesh and blood instead of this hulking monster of steel and leather straps. Al was sensitive and sweet, someone that didn't belong inside the shell Ed had shoved him into. It had been selfish and cruel, but Ed couldn't think of anything better to do. Being left alone would be even worse.

"You shouldn't talk that way about Colonel Mustang," Alphonse sighed again, as if he was only echoing himself. Edward frowned, about to tell him just what he could do with Roy Mustang…

"He's right, you know," announced a gravelly voice that Ed hated upon the first syllable. He turned around to see three soldiers in full uniform; service coats dirty and stained. Ed frowned, wondering when they had gotten so desperate for manpower that they had needed to start enlisting convicts. These men looked like every stock variety of hardened killers. One was short but still depressingly taller than he was, with black hair and narrow, small, black eyes. He would have been plain if he wasn't so overweight, making Ed wonder just what he could possibly be able to do. Another was tall, thin, with a matching black braid slung over one shoulder. He looked weak but somehow managed to still be intimidating, grinning predatorily at them both.

"You can't say whatever you want about your superior officer," snapped out the middle one, who was of a more average height. His face was so ugly that it was almost a miracle of life, not a single feature proportionate with the other. Even his eyes were unequal, the left one narrowed more than the other, slightly bulging, one set over a flaring nostril in a nose that was too narrow and long to actually work. Ed didn't even want to _imagine _what might be identified from the tiny pieces of trash caught in the man's scraggly, shoulder length hair. Al made a worried squeak, or it could have his been his armor as he began to shift about nervously. Edward could tell that his little brother was uncomfortable and that these men were beginning to worry him. They didn't make him very nervous, not after he had just dealt with the Flame Alchemist. Edward was ready to bring their worst nightmares to life with his talent. He wouldn't even need to draw out an array.

"This is the military, punk," the middle one explained, throwing a glance back at his two cronies. They obviously thought that this was somehow funny, all of them laughing loudly in front of Mustang's office. Ed could hear Alphonse's soft and concerned 'brother' as their little gathering soured… or it had been that way from the start. Edward could smell a fight in the air, one that he was more than ready to take on.

"_Really_?" Edward sneered out sarcastically, throwing his hands out at the decorated walls of the military headquarters. A large mural of a city burning as lines of shadowy soldiers came out victorious was hanging to their side, like Roy Mustang enjoyed being a Flame Alchemist so much that he had to have a piece depicting his own horrible glory. Edward wouldn't call that art. Ever. He hated the military and everything that it stood for. Obedience, unity, clean uniforms, standing up straight and taking one on the chin from a Colonel every single day was not Ed's idea of a good time. At least he hadn't joined the State Alchemists during wartime; or else Edward would be burning that city along with the rest of them. He didn't look forward to his time as a military dog, but he would do anything to give Alphonse his own body back. If he could get closer to the Philosopher's Stone by doing this, he would have no regrets.

"This isn't a daycare. Don't think we're going to take it easy on you because you're a kid," growled out the tall one, stepping up out of the lineup to lean over him. Ed stared forward at the man's zipper, hating his height all over again. He really didn't want to, but Edward was finally forced to lift his head up in order to glare at the jerk hanging over him.

"Hell, you're not even a kid, you short freakin' midget," laughed the tall one, each word a stab into Ed's pride. Alphonse began fretting in earnest, all those metal plates and leather straps creaking as his little brother began to shake and make grabbing motions at the air, like he thought he should try to hold Ed back and then thought better of it.

"Al, I think that we have some military matters to discuss," Edward suggested in a sickly sweet voice that was so bad it must have given him a cavity. It seemed that he was going to have to show these idiots just _why _he had passed the State Alchemist exam at the age of twelve. He was no kid, certainly not after the things that he had done. He wasn't about to allow some morons who ranked _lower _than him to threaten him! In the military, State Alchemists were above lumbering soldiers any day, especially a collection of freaks like these. Once again, Edward wondered how they had even gotten into the military if they were happy pushing around 'kids' in the hallways. He would like to know just what Roy Mustang would think of this, that arrogant and idealistic bastard. They certainly weren't underneath the Colonel's command, not if they had allowed the front of their jackets to become stained with food and their belts frayed and cracked from age. Edward wouldn't be surprised to know that the three were all the end result of inbreeding, seeming like brothers in that same stupid and ugly aspect.

"Brother, I don't think-…" Alphonse started, weaving the fingers of his gloves together like he was going to try begging.

"…-That you want to be around for this," Edward interrupted quickly. The three cronies began chuckling at the confident words. Alphonse had always had this thing about violence and fighting. He would probably pull Edward off of these three before he could even prove his point. Ed could tell that they were the types of idiots who needed their lesson pounded right into them. A few broken bones and he wouldn't be bothered ever again.

"Run along, you don't want to see us beat this little runt," the taller one mocked his height one last, final time. Alphonse finally sighed and reluctantly began hulking down the hallway- because there was really no way for a suit of armor to simply walk. It was hard to watch his little brother go, grinding his teeth together while the thugs giggled with anticipation. Edward was fighting down that instinctive response to start yelling and kicking at someone who was being so rude, though it was hard. He still had to wait until Al was out of sight, or else he knew that his brother would come back to 'help' him when Edward wanted to do this on his own. Alphonse wasn't a member of the military. He didn't need to get involved in this for any reason. Edward wouldn't be able to bear with it if Alphonse got hurt because of him… though that was pretty much impossible now that Al didn't even have a body. He was still quite young and sensitive though, and Al didn't need to see his older brother beating the crap out of adults, no matter how stupid and ugly they were.

"Hey, hey now, are you sure you're going to be all right without that big guy to protect you?" the fattest one asked, grinning like a pig. He started to advance forward on the carpet, obviously trying to intimidate Edward by standing over him. Hadn't they already learned that this didn't work? Edward was used to _everyone _looming over him, glaring up pure hatred at the overgrown hog. Even his boots had a heel in them and he didn't make it past the average adult's shoulders. It was worse now that he had joined the military, because it seemed like most soldiers were bigger and stronger than normal, the Colonel and his misfits seemed to be an exception to this. Edward wondered if it was something in the food, and if so, why hadn't it worked yet! His small stature couldn't be because of a lack of vitamins; Edward consumed most anything that was edible, along with Alphonse's share whenever people made the mistake of thinking he could eat. It was his fault that his little brother didn't even have a mouth, or hands and feet and a damn body to call his own. Edward didn't eat so much just because he was hungry, but also because he knew Alphonse couldn't. He had to appreciate all the tiny details in life for his brother's sake as well, not about to forget for one second just what they were travelling for. Edward had already grown accustomed to his auto-mail, used to the heavy machinery that had replaced his arms and legs until they no longer even bothered him, except when the joints needed maintenance.

"Unfortunately, he was protecting you from _me_," Edward corrected, waving a finger up in the pudgy, stinking jerk's face. It was only the truth; now that Alphonse was gone, there was no one to stop him from seriously hurting these guys. They had already come at the wrong time, trying to hassle him right after he finally escaped Mustang's office… because he had been badmouthing that fire-using, sarcastic son of a bitch, nonetheless. This could all be blamed on the Colonel, from being responsible for Edward running into this group to keeping three idiots like these in the military. Just what were they doing anyway, giving a kid a hard time- even though Edward would never willingly call himself such.

"Don't get so cocky, you little shrimp," the leader warned from the back, absolutely the last comment Edward would be able to stand about his height.

"You're only making me want to crush you more!" Edward warned, bringing his hands up in front of him. The fat asshole closest to him looked down in confusion before Ed clapped his palms together; one arm made of warm flesh and bone while the other was cold, hard steel and metal wires. It was enough to make a full circuit, one that could replace a transmutation circle. The tallest one yelled out a warning far too late as the light of an alchemist reaction exploded between them. Edward managed to grab a hold of the chubby man's wrist before he could jump away, quickly manipulating the water molecules inside the human body. There was an angry cry of surprise that quickly turned into panicked squealing as he started rounding out like the balloon of fat he was. His limbs were soon useless, nothing more than a ball with chubby pinks hands waving frantically. The other two were left gaping with their mouths open at their friend beginning to roll slowly down the hallway, one swift kick sending him off in the opposite direction. It was Edward's turn to laugh heartily at the man's helpless cries, the numbers starting to equal out.

"What the hell did you do, you punk?" the somewhat decent-looking one demanded, fear written into even inch of his face. He obviously hadn't taken into account that there might be a reason _why _a twelve-year-old had passed the State Alchemist test. The taller one looked like he wanted to make use of his longer legs and start running away. Edward took one deliberate, loud step toward them, cackling softly as they both recoiled in fear. He began to think about what he should do next to these maggots, preparing to cast another array-

"Don't let him put his hands together!" the leader yelled out, already rushing Edward before he had a chance to clap. A fist connected underneath his chin, shaking his brain around inside his skull as his head snapped backward. He couldn't believe that the guy could hit so hard… and then belatedly reminded himself this was the military, after all. Edward should have been expecting them to be somewhat decent fighters, but instead he had underestimated them and gotten caught off-guard. How many times had his teacher yelled at him for making that mistake before? Edward had never regretted his nasty habit so much as now, his nerves jerky and unresponsive from that one blow. Ed would have happily fallen to the floor right then and there, but the soldier just had to follow up with another punch in the gut. These were all serious hits, meant to put an enemy down quickly. Despite all his training and experience, Edward was still just a kid. His body wasn't built to handle it; coughing and spitting weakly as the air was driven out of his lungs.

Ed only had the vague poetic thought of how quickly things were turned back around, his chest burning and his vision beginning to dot gray. The leader snatched him up by the base of his braid, twisting his dirty hand around Edward's hair. He found himself physically dragged away from the oversized pig that was still struggling in the hallway, unable to figure out where he was being taken. Edward was concentrating more on breathing, his footsteps stumbling before giving out entirely. The man didn't stop though, forcibly hauling Edward through one of the doors and into a dark and cold service closet. Edward was tossed in without care, thankfully before the stupid lout could rip all his hair out. His scalp was screaming from the treatment, loose strands falling around his shoulders as Edward sluggishly realized that the jerk had broken the tie holding his braid. He landed hard on knee and palm, the mechanical limbs managing to cushion the worst of the fall. Edward wheezed painfully, slowly regaining his breath as he heard the taller man close and lock the door behind them.

"Look at that hair, it's all long like a woman's," the man laughed as he tested the door once to make sure there would be no interruption. There were no windows in the room and no lights turned on; dark enough to be hard to see in with the only illumination coming from a slit across the bottom of the doorway. Even though it was a little late now, Edward managed to cough out whatever had been stuck in his throat and finally face off with his two captors… or at least glare into the darkness where he could see two figures standing over him. Edward began easing up from his knees to the balls of his feet slowly, not wanting to alert them to the fact he was going to attack soon. He didn't even look around at the shadowy and cluttered arrangement of brooms and cleaning supplies for a weapon; not needing too when he could make one out of his arm just by clapping his hands together. He would miss that small plus to auto-mail, always enjoying the looks on his enemies' faces when they were suddenly faced with a solid metal blade coming out of a kid's arm. He may have been young, but he had already fought much more than the average person would ever dream of. Edward would show them that the military was exactly where he belonged.

"More like a little girl's," laughed the average-looking one, making all coherent plans fall away as Edward simply launched himself forward. Just the solid metal of his arm would be good enough for this guy and besides, he wanted the satisfaction of punching the guy for that comment. The taller man yelled out a startled 'Philip' in warning, finally giving Edward a name for his victim. There was a satisfying impact at Edward's shoulder, making him wish he had a real arm so he could actually _feel _his knuckles breaking the bastard's nose. To call him a girl and _short _on top of it was unforgivable. Edward threw his real leg back to kick his new friend Philip right in the face when the tall one threw himself at him, easily tackling Edward while he was off balance. They fell down together; the older man's much bigger body slamming down on top of his own. Panic welled up in Ed's stomach before he stomped it down, not about to give into childish emotions. He was a State Alchemist after all. Ed began struggling out from underneath the taller man's body, trying to get his hands together to form a transmutation circle.

"Oh, I don't think so," Philip declared coldly as his government-issued boot slammed down on top of Edward's left arm. Ed didn't know if he should call it irony or something else as the ugly lout put his weight down, twisting his shoe into Edward's tendons. Philip had a hand over his nose, blood coming through the fingers as he glared down at Ed, his eyes bright in the relative darkness of the room. Edward fought down the urge to cry out; knowing that would probably bring someone there to help him. He couldn't have that, wanting the satisfaction of beating these guys himself. He was a dog the military now! What would he do if he couldn't handle some damn mutts from the very bottom of command? Edward refused to give into the fear that wanted to take over his brain, burning up from his guts, desperately trying to think of a solution instead. He had to find a way out.

"You're helpless if you can't clap these pretty little hands together. Do something about his other arm," the man ordered, proving that Edward had been right in assuming that he was the leader. They were truly fools if they thought he was only able to do alchemy with his hands. Edward was a genius not just for that significantly outstanding ability, but he had studied every written text he could find pertaining to the science. He had memorized just about every array possible, fingers scrabbling around for something to draw it out with. Even a rock would do. He didn't want to be trapped underneath this Philip, who was starting to bleed on him as Ed felt something warm and wet hit his face. The other man was having a hard time keeping his hand around Edward's mechanized wrist, his face becoming confused at the strength and hardness of the limb he was trying to hold down. Edward had a better chance at getting his right arm free and started struggling with renewed energy, kicking, flailing, and even biting as his teeth closed down on air. They truly were soldiers, close enough to hold him down yet able to stay out of his range. Another useless twist of his body and the sleeve to his jacket tore loudly, revealing the metal structure underneath.

There was a moment of frozen shock while the taller man stared down at what was right in front of his eyes in utter disbelief. Edward found himself struggling for new reasons as the man suddenly ripped at his clothes. Seams broke and fabric fell down to expose his entire arm, artificial joints groaning in protest as the man tried to restrain him again. The pair went quiet at the scar tissue before his arm hooked up to his body, horrifying even in the dim lighting of the storage closet.

"I can't believe a kid like you has auto-mail," Philip hissed, completely oblivious to the true meaning of his missing limbs. Well, he certainly didn't look like the studious type, and Edward couldn't expect anyone outside of alchemy to understand exactly what taboo he had broken. His body would be proof enough to damn him, if anyone knew what they were truly looking at. Alphonse's _lack _of one was much more horrifying than Edward's own mutilation. At least he still had half of his… though sometimes Edward didn't think it had been very equivalent trade at all. He should have been able to do more for Alphonse then, not just shove his little brother's soul into a piece of armor. Death would have been kinder, if Edward thought he would be able to survive without Al.

"Switch with me," he snapped suddenly, grinding his boot into Edward's arm in warning. The taller man adjusted his hold as well, a knee digging into his stomach as the guy slowly began to ease off of his right arm. Edward wasn't about to hold still when such an opportunity was being presented to him… except when he was struck hard in the face for daring to move. Edward was dazed so badly he didn't even know if it had been a fist or a slap, doing his best to keep on glaring at them. Even if they had just been meaning to give him a hard time because he was a kid, they were still plain soldiers while he was a State Alchemist.

"I've still got to pay you back for this nose. I think you broke it," the man sneered, his bloody hand pinching the bridge of his nose tentatively and wincing in pain. His damn lackey was continuing to ram his knee into the soft part of Edward's torso, as if he was some hardened criminal that could break free at any moment. It was possible, just not physically- they were simply bigger and heavier than he was. Philip quickly braced his shin against Edward's wrist, weighing down his arm with his entire body. There was nothing Edward could do except kick the floor, his legs at the wrong angle to hit either of his captors.

"Good, maybe it can improve your looks," Edward snapped back as they settled into new positions, even though he was tasting blood in his own mouth now. He didn't have anything particularly clever to say right now, sure that his own face was beginning to swell up from the burning throbbing where he'd been hit, but he wasn't the type to get scared with a few threats. It was the continuous blows that were starting to get to him, making the shadows in the storage room even darker and bigger than before as his vision blurred. There was no doubt of where the other two were in this room, not when he could feel both of them sitting on him.

"You know, I had a friend who had an auto-mail. His real arm got blown off in the Ishibal conflict," Philip began explaining as he put fingers to the base of Edward's shoulder. He couldn't help but recoil, trying to get away out of sheer disgust of this man's touch. It was different from how they had been trying to restrain him, fingertips brushing along bare skin in a way that lingered. Edward didn't like it at all; unable to deny the fact that he was scared any longer when the soldier began examining his auto-mail.

"If I remember correctly…" the now incredibly ugly and average leader mumbled to himself, deftly hitting the buttons on the locking mechanism for the joint. Edward had enough time to cry out in protest before his arm was released and pulled right off. He knew immediately when the circuits detached, his body spasming hard enough to shake the taller man pinning him down. Phantom pains of his missing limb immediately began to take over, Edward's teeth clamped shut to keep himself from screaming in agony. He didn't usually have to deal with it when there was a fake arm responding, but now his brain was frantically sending signals to fingers that weren't there. It hurt in a way that was unreal, not just an ache emanating from his shoulders but spreading out to the air where he should have an arm. Edward was vaguely aware of them laughing at his suffering, heard the metal clang of his auto-mail being tossed aside like an alarm clock. He came back into focus just in time to hear Philip talk while his taller friend remained, holding down a body that wasn't in much shape for struggling right now.

"This is supposed to hurt like hell, right?" he asked curiously, stabbing a finger into the circular input for his arm's signal wiring. There was a thin, protective flap of rubber that was pushed aside as the man prodded his index finger into the raw nerves and flesh that lay behind. He might as well of been poking at an infected wound with a stick of salt for how much it hurt. Edward forgot to fight, to draw an array, to trick them somehow, just began thrashing around mindlessly. He screamed his agreement, the pain overwhelming him past sanity.

A dry hand clamped over his mouth when he became too loud.

-

It was always the rookies that gave him the most trouble. All high off of passing the esteemed State Alchemist test, they thought they were all-powerful and invincible. It didn't take long to make them realize just what it meant to be a dog of the military, for him to have to break their spirit and shove them into rank before anything worse could happen. An independent mind was not welcome in the military. Ambitions beyond serving the Fuhrer and the King would be crushed without hesitation. Even so, it had been a while since he had to deal with anyone so damn _immature_. He was used to fresh cadets from the military academy or farmers' sons who wanted to serve their country, all of the men dead serious about their post. The most naïve, immature adolescent he had to deal with had been no younger than seventeen. Now, he had a twelve-year-old State Alchemist that he needed to train, no better than a wild animal that refused to be collared. Edward still seemed to have the delusion that he was allowed a free will in the military, constantly disregarding orders and sulking like a child whenever Roy reprimanded him. It didn't help that the boy was so short with those big, golden eyes overwhelming the face that hadn't quite grown into them yet. Too bad reality was going to inevitable crush that rowdy spirit. It had happened to him as well, to everyone that had joined the military. Their lives became cold and hard no matter what any of them tried to do, and things wouldn't change for the Full Metal Alchemist. So tragically immature, innocent, and idealistic, the complete opposite of his father despite the chilling resemblance. Roy had heard the stories before, had se-…

A pile of papers hit his desk, about an inch thick and clipped together smartly. Roy recognized the complaint form immediately, having to go through hundreds of them as a Colonel. That by no means meant he actually read half of what was written on those worthless things, far more accustomed to finding the line he signed as quickly as possible before throwing it in the 'out' box.

"What's this?" Roy pointed at the stack of reports that his favorite Lieutenant had chosen to deliver personally. It wasn't just because she was a woman who managed to make the depressingly utilitarian dress of the military look somewhat alluring, but because she was the most loyal and steadfast subordinate officer that he had ever met. She listened and obeyed him without question- except for those very few, very rare occasions when he had actually been about to make a mistake. She didn't hesitate to tell him so then, which unquestionably took more balls than any of his men had.

"This week's sexual harassment cases," she explained in a painfully business manner, shaking her head back to clear the fall of her bangs from her eyes. Roy had to admit that he loved that petite habit of hers, appreciating the flash of neck and graceful curve of the chin. There were certain perks to having her yell at him all day, because he could just tune out whatever she was bitching about _this _time and stare at the body in front of him. Just imagine the day when the women in the military could actually wear something befitting of their figure. There would certainly be a few more complaints then.

"Why can't military men just behave themselves?" Roy tossed his hands up, shaking his head at the people they were allowing into the military these days. The number of complaints was impressive; probably even more so if they were all filed by different individuals. This was the sort of thing that required he actually read whatever they were whining about; because there might be a lonely woman, whom after experiencing a horrible event with some brutish fellow officer, would need a gentleman- such as himself- to comfort and protect her…

"These are all _yours_," Hawkeye corrected him coolly.

"What!" He couldn't keep himself from yelling aloud, snatching the papers up and beginning to flip through them in disbelief. There was no way that _all _of these could be just for him... even though he had never known Riza to make a mistake. He heard Fuery and Havok giggling at their own desks, carefully hunched over their work and trying to hide their amusement- while failing miserably, of course. One sharp glare in their direction at the two men quickly shut up, pens writing furiously the only sound coming from their side of the room.

"I took the courtesy of sorting them out from the other _two _complaints we got for the entire company," Lieutenant Hawkeye explained, the disapproval in her tone clear as daylight. She didn't just laugh behind his back; she simply wasn't that type of woman. She got up in his face about it, extremely articulate when she wanted to be. He would bet money that she had probably already reported the number of complaints just for the beginning of this month and got him cited for disrespectful conduct- _again_.

"Just what the hell is this?" he demanded, scanning over a random accusation that didn't sound like him at all. Roy scowled at the name, his memory struggling to place it until he recalled Melissa, the blonde from the accounting branch. She hadn't taken being dumped in a public restaurant very well, so Roy had quietly eased away from the sobbing woman, paid for dinner, and never returned her calls again. Now she had put down some ridiculous and unsavory lie about how long the Flame Alchemist could last in bed. He was going to have to call this foolish bitch up and rectify her thinking, not about to leave such a gross inaccuracy alone. He had a reputation to uphold, after all, glancing back up at the woman frowning down at him. Had Riza already read all of these reports or just sorted them for him like a good girl?

"Most are demanding that you apologize. There are four that state they're now pregnant and want you take responsibility, while seventeen are from officers who claim you've stolen their girlfriends, three were wive-…"

"Enough," Roy held his hand up to halt further embarrassment. He accepted the papers with as much grace and dignity as a man could have in that sort of situation, the rest of the people in the office snickering loudly. She returned to her desk to finish up the paperwork that they had been left with, satisfied with the damage that she had wrought. Roy only moaned as he flipped to the next page, no better than the first one he had looked at. There was no way he could let his commanding officers see this sort of thing. Though the military liked to preach that personal affairs would not reflect upon a man's professional success, they would never let him move up in rank if they read that he was, quote: '-no good for more than several minutes _if _he's well rested' along with other such lies. Women never seemed to think that it could possibly be their fault for the sex not lasting long enough, with absurd expectations and a complete lack of talent in bed. What else was he supposed to do but get it over with when the lady was doing nothing more but laying back and enjoying it? He might as well have just masturbated alone in his apartment and saved some money on taking a woman out, buying a bottle of whiskey instead. Some evenings he did do just that, drinking alone and crying alone because he couldn't handle being a Colonel any longer… he was just a miserable, petty human being, after all. He had made mistakes, too many to count, some too horrible to ever forget. It was even worse now that those Elric brothers had shown up, with the foolish belief that they could make a difference. Roy had used to think like that, believing in what the military stood for and his own indubitable significance as a decent person… and then he had killed in cold-blood, with Alchemy, with guns, with orders issued on the battlefield as he sent his troops to untimely deaths. Sometimes Roy couldn't understand why anyone would follow him at all, after some of the things he had done all for the sake of moving up. One day he would get to a place where no one would ever order him to kill again, where he would never force a soldier to shoot a child in the head just for being born in the wrong country.

"Um… excuse me?" came a tentative voice, soft rapping on the door covered up by the loud clank of a suit of armor poking its head in. Everyone in the room looked up at the intrusion, most likely surprised that there wasn't two of them. It was an odd day indeed when the Elric brothers weren't together. Mustang found himself taken back every time at the sight of Alphonse Elric, an unexplainable anomaly in Alchemy… in life itself. The very fact that Edward had managed to tie his little brother's soul to an object after being lost in a failed Human Transmutation proved that there actually _were _souls, something beyond the flesh and bone of their bodies. To think that Edward had somehow managed to call Alphonse back from the dead was even more unimaginable. The Full Metal Alchemist had seen the other side of life, had played around with human souls like a God no matter what his intentions had been. Those missing limbs and his ability to perform Alchemy without an array was proof enough of the sin he had committed. Roy could be court-martialed just for knowing this much and not reporting it, but he knew what they would do the Elric brothers. Neither of them would be treated as human any more. The military would turn them into studies, experiments, dissections until there was nothing left to do but kill them. Roy had been allowed into one of the military's secret labs before just to meet some government personnel, and even till this day he got nauseous thinking about it

"Oh, Alphonse-kun, what's wrong? Did you forget something?" Lieutenant Hawkeye asked in a polite, sweet tone that better belonged to a mother. It was no secret that she was soft on the newest additions to his commands, finding something in the Elric brothers that was absolutely irresistible. She wasn't the only one either; in fact, the few women in the military were dropping by his office just to see the youngest State Alchemist in history. Roy wasn't sure if it was his age or his short stature that made the ladies squeal and dolt over him, but he was sure that Edward wouldn't appreciate the reasons. The Full Metal Alchemist didn't tolerate it very much either, either yelling at or outright shoving anyone foolish enough to approach him. Why wasn't _he _the one getting slapped with harassment complaints… and more importantly, why were the women beginning to pay attention to some clueless minor instead of him?

"Uh, no… well, you see- it's that…it's like… um," Alphonse faltered, fidgeting around in the doorway and twiddling his thumbs together self-consciously. Riza smiled at the childish nervousness of the boy, even though the suit of armor towered over her. Havok kept staring at the door behind him, obviously waiting for Edward to appear. The rest of the people in the room went back to frowning at the work that had built up, Roy especially not happy with new development. Besides, it was nearly impossible to start planning out all the make-up dates and one-night-stands he was going to have to do in order to clear this all up when there was a child simpering and stammering in the corner. Even worse was that armor clanging together like a motley collection of pots of pans, getting louder each time Alphonse Elric shifted his weight around nervously.

"We _do_ have some work to get done here, so if you would mind being quick about it, Mr. Elric," Roy snapped angrily, sick of his command slowly turning into a daycare. He ignored the glare Riza sent at him for being so rude to what was really a younger boy than Edward, no matter what the difference in size and appearance was. Even so, since when had it been all right to have a civilian wandering around in the building without any supervision? Ever since the Elric brothers had landed here, it had been nothing but paperwork and complaints as they tried to clean up after the mess they left behind. Sexual harassment reports were nothing compared to having two children on the loose in what just until last week had been a tightly run military establishment. One was supposed to be a State Alchemist, but with his quick temper and even louder voice, Edward Elric didn't act like any type of genius. If Roy hadn't had the questionable timing of showing up at the tail of the Elric's failed attempt at Human Transmutation, seen the light of an alchemist's reaction, he wouldn't have believed that such a child had managed anything like that. And to think in the time it had taken him to get from that backwater community that didn't even have enough buildings to qualify as a town to Central City for the State Alchemist exam, he had somehow learned how to perform transmutations without an array. His potential for growth was frightening, downright dangerous if Edward wasn't watched carefully. The saying 'like father, like son' haunted him, unable to keep the paranoia controlled when Edward had such an adaptive and curious mind. It was going to cause trouble one day, if the Full Metal Alchemist learned something he wasn't ready to know.

"Yes, well… I'm sorry, I know this probably isn't very important," Alphonse apologized in that slightly garbled voice of his, echoing inside the armor and coming out through the various holes in his makeshift body. Roy's finger began tapping loudly on top of his desk, growing more impatient with the boy by the second. Sergeant Major Fuery and Havok exchanged wary glances, recognizing the signs of a foul mood immediately. Fuery even began slowly sliding down in his chair, eventually disappearing underneath his desk like Roy wouldn't notice. It was still a plan that worked well enough, since Roy usually didn't go through the trouble of dragging a soldier out from underneath furniture just to yell at him. Besides, there was nothing that he could blame on his subordinates- this interruption would probably have something to do with Edward, without a doubt.

"Go on, Alphonse-kun," Riza prompted gently when the boy finally noticed that Mustang was glaring at him and squeaked in obvious fear. It was bizarre to see a suit of armor harden up, stammering and tossing quick peeks in Roy's direction like Alphonse expected him to jump up and eat the boy. It took a little more convincing on Hawkeye's part that the big bad Colonel _really _wouldn't hurt him, which only frustrated him further. Havok recognized the veins that were starting to throb on Roy's forehead, quickly jumping up and announcing that he needed a cigarette break. It would have been believable, if the idiot hadn't gone for the door at a dead run. Roy could easily guess that Fuery was shaking underneath his desk, left virtually alone by his comrades while Hawkeye sweetly announced that Alphonse was ready to talk now. Why couldn't she ever use that voice when talking to him?

"Right after we left here, we were stopped by several soldiers, and they seemed to be giving brother a hard time… Then, he told me to leave him alone, that they were going to talk about some military stuff, but- but I'm worried after all," Alphonse began babbling as the room went silent. He could only stare in shock at the complete and utter naivete of the younger brother, needing a moment for those words to truly sink in.

"What!" Roy yelled for the second time that day, slamming his hand down on the desk in front of him. Alphonse literally jumped, forcing Riza to start patting his gauntlets reassuringly. Fuery poked half of his head up over the edge of the desk in concern, slowly realizing what that meant. He may have some baseless lies being told about him by bitter ex-s in the form of 'Sexual Harassment Complaint Report,' but there had also been far worse accusations passed around. Some promising young men had even retired early from the military, exactly why Roy didn't like getting the rookies. There was always some group of senior officers wandering around, picking on new recruits under the excuse of 'initiation.' Last year one girl had accidentally been murdered, the violent idiots going much too far in their pranks. She had been beaten to death, a pretty face forever ruined by half of it being shattered on cement, her brains and fragments of skull dribbling out into lovely, long black hair. There had been evidence of rape as well, and Roy would have liked to say that it was the first time. Unfortunately they had found too many victims of fierce hazing despite the strict rules and punishment laid out… on those they could actually find. Roy knew that there were some sick, insane perverts that had joined the military because they had a taste for blood and murder. Peacetime was when they were at their worst, with no constant fighting to keep the soldiers entertained and nothing else to do but pick on the weak. Roy could imagine that there were some people who couldn't believe a mere child had passed the State Alchemist test under his own merits, that he had somehow managed to buy such a respected and valued position. There were a few ripples of discontent spreading out among the ranks at the Full Metal Alchemist's already blooming career, even if the boy had yet to hit puberty himself. He could just see someone trying to pick on the older Elric brother… and Edward making it worse for himself with that arrogant and insolent disposition of his.

"I'll take care of this," Roy growled out angrily, immediately digging into his pockets for his gloves. He heard a small cheer coming from Fuery's direction; always supportive when Mustang stood up for weaker people that had managed to get into the military.

"Sir, I'll-…" Hawkeye started to offer her services unnecessarily.

"Stay here with Alphonse. This is a military matter," Roy ordered quickly in a voice that would tolerate no argument. He didn't want to have a child accompanying him, especially the little brother of the victim… or soon to be. Roy was quite sick of the higher-ups turning a blind eye to the so-called 'trifles' of military life. He planned to punish these soldiers rather harshly if they were doing what he thought they were. Besides, what else did he have to do beyond going through reports that were obviously nothing short of complete dishonesty? It might even do Edward good to finally get a beating, since Roy wasn't in the habit of hitting his subordinates. He could yell at the minute punk all afternoon long and barely make a dent himself. It was better that Edward learn his place as soon as possible, before something truly awful happened. At least he had someone like Roy Mustang as a commanding officer, one that actually gave a damn about his men- even if this one barely qualified as a man and irritated him to no ends. Roy was certain that there hadn't been enough time between the brothers leaving and Alphonse coming back for anything bad to have occurred, but that was no reason to not be quick about it. Roy tugged his gloves on, smiling down at the red arrays that would probably be getting some use soon. He smoothed his jacket back into place after having been stuck at a desk for the entire morning, not about to venture outside his office with wrinkles in his uniform.

"Colonel Mustang," Alphonse managed to get out before Roy could pass him and through the door. He paused, turning to the boy and waiting for the rest of it impatiently. Riza sent him a fierce warning glare around Alphonse's side, promising a world of hurt if he didn't act a bit nicer. He wasn't used to thinking about other's feelings, typically dealing with hardened soldiers, not children with a tendency to cry… with or without a body. A rather sobering thought, and Roy forced himself to work a smile onto his face.

"Don't worry, I'm just going to scold them all a little. Just wait here," Roy finally announced, sensing that Alphonse needed to hear some asinine lie at the moment. Riza mouthed a 'thank you' to him with an appreciative nod and Roy knew he was free to go. He exited his office brusquely, marching down the hall to… nowhere. Roy had to stop in the middle of the walkway, wondering just where his Full Metal Alchemist could be right now. If he was a miniature-sized brat with a foul mouth and an ego that far surpassed his own height, where would he be? Roy put a hand to his chin, considering the possibilities- as a ludicrously huge, soldier-shaped ball slowly rolled past the end of the hallway that met with another perpendicular one. He felt one eyebrow shoot up to met his hairline at the sight, not quite sure what to make of it until he heard a tired, beaten voice moan for help like a man that didn't expect anything better than death.

"Hey, you," Roy yelled out immediately, pacing forward to catch up. He turned the corner and put a hand on the massive, rolling mess to stop the soldier. He could only think of one person that would be responsible for this, shaking his head in disappointment. Just who did Edward think filled out the report that was going to be written about this? He began pushing the blimp the Full Metal punk had made out of a human being, slowly getting the man to revolve around until Roy could finally see a face sticking out. He didn't recognize the fat features that had nothing to do with his ballooned state, no rank or insignia on his breast pocket. He was a Private at best.

"Colonel Mustang, oh, thank go-…" the man started.

"Have you seen Edward Elric around here?" Roy interrupted, lacking the patience to deal with the man right now. It would likely take him several hours just to figure out how to reverse the transmutation safely. The best he could hope for was that eventually the effects would wear off. In the meantime, he had to find the culprit and thrash him soundly for this stunt. Edward wasn't going to get off with a simple scolding this time. One of the few duties of a State Alchemist was to respect the military, and Roy couldn't have rumors spreading that he had a loose dog running about the place.

"The fucking Full Metal midget? That little shit was the one that did this to me!" the soldier cried out, hands flopping around angrily. Roy sighed at that statement of the obvious, pushing the man off hard when he saw he wasn't going to get any immediate answers. The solider cried out in alarm as he spun off, bouncing against the wall, and rolling down what sounded like a set of stairs. Roy wasn't too concerned, sure that in the soldier's inflated state very little harm would come to him right now. It was too comical for anything else, though Roy doubted the soldier would think so whenever he returned to normal. At least he now knew that the oldest Elric had to be close, frowning at the clean carpet and fine, artistic paintings hanging on the wall. Nothing was out of place, everything harmonious and orderly in the hallways just as a government building should be. Roy began to stroll the opposite way of where he had sent the soldier rolling off, crossing his arms as he tried to think of where he would find Edward.

He didn't have to work at it much longer when he heard muffled struggling, a definite cry of pain coming from behind the walls. Edward was probably already doing worse to the soldiers that had made the mistake of getting in the same room as him. Roy found himself stopped in front of the storage closet, cursing himself for not just simply _guessing _this would be the first logical place to check. He tried the door, finding it predictably locked and not having the slightest clue to where the key might be. Roy tried knocking loudly on the door, immediately hearing the short, quick raps echoed inside. It was the impact of something hard on flesh; Roy having served in the military long enough to recognize the soft noises coming from the storage room. He had no doubt his State Alchemist was showing them the mistake of underestimating him just because he was a kid. Roy had done the same _once _before and had learned from it ever since, knowing that Edward was improving past getting lucky and actually having some skill. If he wasn't careful, the Full Metal Alchemist just might be the one to overtake him. Until then, it was nice to have someone he could trust to do his dirty work. Edward was blissfully unaware of common events, beating up someone just because they had pissed him off. Thankfully, so far his victims had all been deserving of it, some even convicted felons. He hadn't been expecting the Elric brothers to do very well on the little test he had set up for them on the train to Central, but Edward had succeeded wonderfully in diffusing what could have been a fatal hostage situation. He wasn't just some spoiled kid that had studied a little bit of alchemy, but actually had the courage and ability required of a State Alchemist. Roy would have been able to take pride in the Full Metal's achievements like a father, guiding him around since day one- if half of them hadn't ended up as misunderstandings and bumbling failures. Edward lacked any sort of perceptive skills outside of science, slowly becoming a true dog of the military without even realizing it. He chuckled, ready to wait there until the boy came out as he listened to the cries coming from inside… and now that Roy was close enough he could recognize the timbre and pitch through the walls. That was no adult screaming aloud in pain.

Roy drew his arm out of his pocket, swinging it up at the door to start a light current of air before he snapped his fingers together. A concentrated and powerful flame jumped through the air, finding the wood of the door and eating it up savagely. Nothing compared to the destructive power of flame, only needing a few seconds to burn before Roy could kick the door off of its hinges. It fell inward easily, smoking and glowing in the darkness of the storage closet as Roy filled up the doorway to prevent any escapes, coldly surveying what was before him.

Only two men were looking back at him, one tall and thin while the other was ugly as sin with a broken nose. They were both frozen over a tan and bloodied body, usually braided hair falling around his face and one arm missing, along with his shirt. Roy had walked in just in time to see the ugly one working off Edward's pants, a hand in between the boy's legs that he was currently straddling. The other one was currently sitting on top of Edward's chest and arm, restraining him and gagging him with his hand. He could make out a torso jerking around, still futilely trying to struggle against his captors as they paused at the interruption.

Roy had seen it before.

He had walked in on his fellow officers raping an Ishibal woman while her daughter screamed at them to stop.

He'd seen the bodies left out in the ruined streets after the fighting was over, genitals nothing but a bloody hole adding to the gore.

He knew this spectacle well, having seen it repeated again and again in so many different battles and countries. Soldiers drunk off combat and bloodshed went into homes and found fresh victims there, defenseless and trying to do nothing more then hide from the enemy forces.

But, even through those appalling conflicts and the monstrous war crimes that had occurred during them, no one had tried to rape a child.

Not a twelve-year-old boy.

The one between Edward's legs went first. He grabbed the man by his uniform, hauling him off a safe distance from the boy before Roy snapped his fingers again. The air hissed and exploded with the reaction, creating a bonfire all over the man's body. The screaming was terrible as his skin was burned off of the muscles, then muscles from the bone. The flames died down as quickly as they had appeared, a hiss of smoke released from the man's body as his blood oozed out and boiled on contact with the air. When the man fell down, he hit the floor a corpse. Roy turned around on the other people left in the room, both of them shaking badly for very different reasons.

"Wait, wait- I didn't do anything," the taller man insisted, moving off of Edward and quickly putting his hands up in surrender. Roy barely even heard the words, just saw his mouth moving and knew that he was making excuses. The military didn't need men like these. Roy didn't even bother to watch, he just set the other one to burn alive in the same manner before hunching down at Ed's side. The incomprehensible shrieking in the background as the other man died didn't satisfy Roy at all as he looked his State Alchemist up and down. Edward hadn't moved yet, didn't seem to even know that someone else was in the room with his pants and underwear still caught around his thighs. At least Roy had come before they could have gotten them entirely off, but it was still too damn late. Loose and gnarled blond hair hid Edward's eyes from view, but Roy could see blood coming from his nose and mouth to spread down his chin, both cheeks bright red from being hit. His body was dotted with discolored pink welts that would surely become darker bruises, all on the vulnerable parts of his stomach. Roy glanced to the empty, mechanized shoulder where there should have been auto-mail, finding himself staring in spite of everything. It was somewhere between horrifying and fascinating to see something so foreign on a human body, steel and metal mounted right onto his flesh. Roy had seen a few of his comrades with auto-mail before, but they had usually kept clothing over it, just like Edward did. Roy wasn't sure if it was because they were embarrassed of having such a physical impairment or because people with all their limbs still connected would stare and murmur at the sight… but either way, this was no time to be considering such.

"Full Metal. What happened here?" Roy demanded at last, checking the room over as he waited for the reply. Two charred corpses, a limp auto-mail arm tossed against a stand for mops. Nothing was out of place beyond the burn marks Roy's victims were sure to leave in the wood floor. He cursed as he realized his temper had gotten the best of him once again, furious at his lack of control, at the fact that supposedly respectable and honorable soldiers had taken to beating children inside closets. Edward wasn't helping matters by staying quiet either, his whole body trembling and yet the boy hadn't moved from his spot on the floor. It irritated Roy even more than his little brother's whining and fidgeting. He was supposed to have a State Alchemist in front of him, not some idiot child snatched up from the countryside and tossed into the middle of Military Headquarters.

"I asked you a question, Elric," Roy snapped, gaining a hard flinch from the blonde in front of him. He shook his head at the reaction, standing up off of the floor and holding back the desire to kick the boy up as well. He didn't try to comfort others- hell, he could barely even do it for himself. All he had to think about was his current position in the military… and just what it would look like if someone saw the Flame Alchemist in a storage room with the door burned down, two corpses, and a half-naked blonde missing two limbs. All they needed was a single, educated Alchemist to walk down the hall and see Edward's body to know that he had attempted the ultimate taboo. That would lead to too many questions, official inquiries, and eventually the Elric brothers getting a court-martial right along with him. Roy did not want to have to deal with that along with the rest of his paperwork; perfectly fine with coddling the boy as soon as they got back to his office where he knew they would be safe.

"Get up, we need to fill out a report about this," Roy ordered finally, grabbing the small blonde by his real arm. That finally got Edward moving, though it was to scream and shake him off violently. There was nothing that resembled sanity in the boy's face, his pupils retracted into pinpricks of gold in the center of wide, white eyes. Edward wrapped his one arm up around the exposed auto-mail, curling up around himself and shying away from Roy's approach, obviously in no condition to recognize someone. His boots dug into the floor, the boy doing his best to flee with his pants hitched around his knees. He didn't care if Edward was upset right now- as a State Alchemist he would have to deal with much worse soon enough. For the moment, it was more important that they get an excuse in writing as quickly as possible.

"I told you to get up!" Roy yelled, determined to haul the Full Metal Alchemist back to his office regardless of if he wanted to stand or not. He grabbed for Ed's wrist; the first attempt deftly avoided before Roy managed to snatch his arm up. Immediately the boy started screaming, barely even coherent enough to get out a 'no' as he fought against him. Roy ignored the display easily, picking the blonde up and forcing him to his feet. Edward made it worse for himself, simply tossing his body around since he didn't have another hand to hit at Roy with. The pointless struggle shook Edward's pants all the way down, leaving Roy with a _fully _naked juvenile that had obviously been smacked around a bit too hard by adults. He starting yelling like some crazed thing, hanging limply from Roy's grip as he tried to fall back down to the floor.

"Don't touch him!" was the only warning Roy got before he was slammed out of the way by a stone wall. At least that was what it felt like as Roy flew into the shelves, various items falling down and on top of him as his body finally came to a stop. He looked up at whatever had managed to take him off-guard, a ridiculously huge figure seeming to banish the little light that was coming in through the door, filling up the room with an anger Roy could taste in his mouth. Or maybe that was blood, wincing at a cut from inside his mouth. He started to get up, a variety of buckets and cleaning supplies falling off from where they had piled up around him- and the eye slits in the facemask flashed red, glowing viciously in the extreme shadows cast over the armor's surface. Roy wisely sunk back down to his spot on the floor, certain that he wouldn't be able to get a flame hot enough to melt down steel before Alphonse Elric could get across the room to him.

"Al! Al," the Full Metal Alchemist immediately cried out, repeating the name over and over like he was the younger brother, in desperate need. The menacing armor turned around from Roy slowly, silently warning him that he was still being watched. Roy didn't know what Alphonse's range of vision was inside that mess of armor that served as his body, but it was questionable enough to keep him from attempting anything. Alphonse might be able to get through to his brother quicker than him anyway; metal clanging together as Al wrapped two massive arms around Edward. The room was suddenly filled with gut-wrenching, heartbreaking sobs as the Full Metal Alchemist howled around his brother's name, one small hand scrabbling around the side of the armor and sliding off the smooth metal as it tried to find a grip. Maybe just the comparison between Alphonse's colossal armor and Edward's own hand, fingers still chubby with baby fat was what did it, but Roy realized all over again just how damn _young _Edward was. That arm belonged to a child, one that might have barely grown big enough to stop being carried around by his father. Except from what Roy had heard about Elric senior, there hadn't been much of a family relation at all. Most people were shocked to hear the Hohenheim of Light had sons, much less a wife at one point. Roy had been surprised to find out just how little the Elric brothers knew of their father as well, walking around without a clue to the heritage they were carrying. They were practically destined for trouble, magnets for bad fortune as Alphonse gathered his older brother easily up onto his shoulder. Roy only watched quietly as the armor took loud, heavy steps over to the wall and picked up the loose auto-mail arm as well. Alphonse didn't bother with attaching it then, just laid it on top of the child curling up against his breast plate and adjusted the load awkwardly, since Edward was doing his best to hide his face against the armored mass.

"I think we'll be going home now, _Colonel_," Alphonse spat out, the title the only polite thing about that sentence- and Roy didn't think he meant it to be nice at all. He hated himself for feeling lucky as the brothers exited the room without another word, the crying slowly fading as Edward was carried away. Roy finally let out a curse, sagging down in relief that he hadn't had to fight someone that didn't even have a physical body. If he remembered correctly, Alphonse wasn't able to feel pain either. He would make a good solider, in a few years when he finally grew up… Roy clapped a hand over his own face, so miserably pathetic that he could barely keep from laughing at himself.

Lieutenant Hawkeye appeared in the door a few careful moments after Alphonse had left, obviously waiting until he was gone to see what had happened to her commanding officer. It was just as well that someone see him like this after having his dignity completely blown away by a ten-year-old. If he thought Edward was young, it was even worse for Alphonse. What a wonderful mess this afternoon had turned into, two officers murdered, one severely bloated for an indefinite amount of time, and a State Alchemist accosted. He was sure the Fuhrer would just love to listen to him explain this one.

"Sir, I tried to stop him, but we heard screams-…" Hawkeye began to apologize, trailing off when he started softly chuckling at the irony.

"It's fine. I think work is pretty much done for today. Lieutenant, come with me for a drink," Roy ordered, pushing off the items that had fallen over him heedlessly. There was no way he'd be able to sit calmly behind a desk after this, frustrated and defeated all in one. He needed a stiff drink as soon as possible, but he had never liked drinking alone…at least not when there was a pretty woman in front of him. Roy wanted to get off duty as soon as possible, ready for a good, long night of intoxication. It was nice being the Colonel during times like these, just commanding himself to leave Headquarters no matter what time of day it was. He was _done _for now, and that was all there was to it.

"Yes, sir," Riza replied with a smirk on her face, giving him a mocking salute before moving to help pick him up off the floor.

-

Alphonse had gotten angry.

The emotion had faded quickly; never able to truly _feel _anything for long periods of time, but Al was sure that if he had a real body, it would still be shaking with rage. The one he was in was just cold and empty, sitting on the bed since it was the only piece of furniture in the place that could support him. He had already broken one of the two chairs that went to the wobbly dining table and there was a hole in the floor from where Alphonse's weight had made his foot break through. Military housing left something to be desired, even though it had been provided to them for free until a better arrangement could be made for the year's newest State Alchemist. Nobody had told them beforehand that they would be staying in the barracks that had been condemned several years ago. The small and plain four-room barrack was nothing short of ancient along with everything else inside, faucets that leaked, electricity that couldn't be trusted, and windows that were cracked and drafty. The kitchen so old and worn down that it would never be clean again, while the adjacent living room had an open hole in the roof before Edward had repaired it with alchemy. One room had all the windows shattered in and the ceiling had a definite slant in it, so they had just closed the door and never used that part of the house. It wasn't like they needed the space anyway, having nothing to worry about beyond Alphonse's own oversized body and whatever material possessions were in Edward's suitcase. There was a fireplace in the bedroom, which had become so only because it was the only room that would stay warm. Ed complained of all of these things, though Al hadn't really noticed since he didn't need to use water for drinking or bathing, couldn't feel the air currents or the chill of apparently freezing winter they were in. He didn't even need the lights to see in the dark, having no pupils to adjust. Alphonse wasn't sure how it worked himself, figuring that if he could see perfectly fine at night, then logically his daytime vision would become more sensitive… but such was not the case. There were many contradictions about his body that would drive Alphonse crazy if he thought too hard about it. That was for Edward to do. His big brother was the genius alchemist, not him. Eventually, Alphonse would forget ever having these worries- because one day, they were going to regain their original bodies. Edward would no longer have to use auto-mail, and he'd finally be able to hug his brother with both arms… his _own _hands.

Alphonse glanced down at the limp auto-mail in his lap, his glove resting on top of the dead arm as he held it for his brother. To think that someone had taken it off made Alphonse mad all over again. Edward would probably insist on hooking back up tonight when he was already hurt so badly. His brother had been silent ever since they had gotten back to their interim home, except for the crying that had yet to stop, though it had calmed down slightly. He had locked himself in the bathroom and had turned the water on while Alphonse had kept a careful ear on the door. He didn't think that Edward would ever actually do anything to hurt himself, but after what he had just been through, it couldn't hurt to be sure. It was still nothing but the sounds of someone taking a long shower, certainly past the capabilities of the water-heater in this decaying building. Or, so Alphonse had heard Edward complain about the water temperature before. He still knew better than to knock on the door and ask if everything was all right. That would make Edward stay in there even longer, his older brother never one to admit to needing help, even if he only had one arm right now.

Alphonse didn't know what to do, wasn't sure what had really happened himself. He had been talking to Miss Hawkeye about their place… outright lying to her as he said how nice and comfortable it was because he didn't want to offended them after being good enough to give them a house to themselves. Then, they had been cut short by screaming that didn't sound human- except Alphonse was sure he had heard 'help me.' Mr. Havoc begun chuckling and shaking his head at that, announcing that the Colonel was hard at work. Alphonse hadn't seen the humor in it, unable to stand there and wait when something bad might be happening to his brother. He had gone running in the source of the cries before anyone could stop him, barely able to hear the second round of screams and Miss Hawkeye yelling at him to come back. It was easy enough to find Edward by the smoke he could see but not smell as it billowed out from a charred and destroyed doorway.

Inside, he'd seen the man he had respected up until then shaking his brother roughly by his real arm, the auto-mail missing along with all of Edward's clothes. It wasn't until he got out of that room and far away from Roy Mustang that Alphonse had realized just how bruised his brother's face was. Edward had already started losing consciousness once he knew that Alphonse was there. He would have loved to have just run home that way, but he was sure his brother wouldn't appreciate anyone seeing him in this shape, face bloody and not a stitch of clothing on. He had forgotten to look for those as well, but just remembering his brother's arm was enough for that situation. Alphonse had turned the next corner and upon finding it empty, he had opened up his breastplate and gently set Edward down inside the empty hollow of his body. It seemed like it should be more intimate, but Alphonse didn't feel a thing. They had done this before while travelling, when Edward finally grown too tired to walk any further. Alphonse didn't need as much sleep, though he occasionally napped and never dreamed. He would carry Edward on his back and their single suitcase inside himself, or sometimes Edward would even get in to rest flat against the curves of the armor and use the trunk as a seat when he was being fussy and no longer wanted to walk. Usually Alphonse complained about Edward being too lazy, but he enjoyed it whenever his brother got near to the blood seal- an indescribable sense of closeness that he could only compare to the few times when they were younger, he'd been the one getting a ride home on Edward's back... well, just until they could see their house. Then, Alphonse would start walking on his own because he always wanted to be a strong boy in front of his mother. He wished she was there now, because she would have been able to make everything better with a smile and a few kisses.

Alphonse didn't have a clue what to do when they had finally arrived at their house. He had tried to wake Edward up before taking him out of his armor, which had only made Edward flinch awake like he'd been burned and jumped out of Alphonse without another word. He had slammed the bathroom door in a clear order to stay out, so angry that he'd forgotten his auto-mail. What else was Alphonse supposed to do but wait quietly? He wanted to move, but he would probably break something if tried pacing around the room like a normal person. Just how much longer was he going to have to wait for Edward's temper to cool down?

As if on cue, Edward finally opened up the door and stepped out into the room. Alphonse had been so involved in his own thoughts that he hadn't even heard the water stop. He looked up nervously to his brother, who had both eyes and mouth closed angrily as he awkwardly toweled his hair off with one arm. There was another one wrapped around his waist, the tan skin spotted red and pink with swelling. Alphonse didn't know how bad it was yet, wasn't sure what had happened to give Edward all these bruises. At least the blood was gone; Edward cleaned up and refreshed enough to start being embarrassed. Alphonse could tell by the way that his brother stomped past the bed without even looking at him that Ed wasn't angry any more. He was humiliated and sulking, making a full loop around the corners of the room before returning to the bed and throwing himself down a measured distance away from Alphonse. Edward immediately made a damp indent in the expensive bedding he had actually spent money on instead of trying to create with alchemy, because there were some comforts that couldn't be recreated perfectly. His hair was still dripping wet despite Edward's attempt to dry it, and Alphonse knew better than to scold Edward that he might catch a cold if he didn't dry off soon, knew better than to say anything at all. It was times like these that he had to let his older brother go first, because Edward could go for amazingly long amounts of time without saying a single word if he didn't want to. Pressuring him would only make it worse, so there was nothing for Alphonse to do but wait. Edward kept the silence from getting uncomfortable by grumbling and cursing under his breath, but none of it was directed to Alphonse. He just held onto the auto-mail, wishing that he could make a face right now. He could feel this bad and uncomfortable and yet nothing would happen, nothing could change when his body was made of beaten metal and worn leather straps.

"Thanks…" was finally mumbled out, quiet but distinct in their empty house. Alphonse looked over to his brother, who had stopped trying to dry his hair and had his hand resting on top of his metal leg. Edward had left the towel hanging over his head; white terrycloth hiding his face from view, shoulders hunched down in defeat. He had always been able to express his emotions so well, letting Alphonse know just from his body language that his brother was disturbed and frustrated by whatever had gone on this afternoon.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Alphonse asked, not sure what had brought up this sudden change in attitude. Getting a thank you from his older brother was just as common as an apology- practically never. Edward may be rather short for his age, but he more than made up for it with his pride. Most adults found Edward to be a smart-mouthed punk, but Alphonse had always been amazed at how confident his brother was in himself. Edward truly believed that there wasn't anything he couldn't do if he set his mind to it- and so far, he'd been proven true.

"You know, when Mus-…" Edward started and trailed off just as quickly, either because the rest was too embarrassing or he just didn't want to say the name right now. Alphonse could guess easily enough who Edward must be thinking of, knowing only one person's whose name started like that- and only one other person had been in the storage closet once Alphonse had gotten there.

"Brother… What happened, exactly?" It was one of the hardest things he had ever had to ask Edward. Alphonse knew that his brother didn't want to talk about it, knew that he would probably get in trouble for bringing it up again, but he couldn't just leave it alone. Edward had obviously been hit; his face was swelling up underneath that towel and the bruises on his side were in clear sight. There had been two large piles of blackened ash on the floor that Alphonse had instinctively not liked the sight of, but he couldn't be exactly sure what they were until his brother told him something. Alphonse didn't want him to go back into that silent mood, the kind that Alphonse hated most of all and could do very little about.

"Nothing," Edward's voice was low and sulking, a bitter and obvious lie. Was that supposed to qualify as an answer? Alphonse may be younger than Edward, but he wasn't stupid. He had known what he'd seen when he had walked in that storage room. Alphonse didn't think that the Colonel would ever have actually hurt Edward, but he wasn't so sure now after having to shove the man away from his screaming and crying brother. If Roy Mustang had done anything to make his brother feel bad, Alphonse wouldn't hesitate to beat the man's handsome face in. He usually hated violence, but when it came to his brother, Alphonse was fiercely protective. Edward was the only family that he had left, and he knew his brother felt the same. They had always helped each other out before, had always worked together on everything from studying alchemy to stealing cookies when they had been younger. Why wouldn't Edward tell him what was going on now? How was Alphonse supposed to help him with 'nothing' as his explanation for finding his older brother naked and crying while the Colonel yelled at him.

"We heard some cries and when I got there, you were-…"

"Nothing happened, okay!" Edward yelled it, grabbing the towel and tossing it down violently. Alphonse wasn't impressed, more used to having his brother break things or create large explosions with alchemy when he was truly angry. He didn't say anything though; for once appreciative of the fact that he didn't have a real face right now. Alphonse was sure that he wouldn't be able to keep it straight right now, fighting down the urge to shake Edward for some answers. He might end up hurting Edward instead, having very little control over his own monstrous strength. There were no muscles for Alphonse to use, the fact that the armor actually moved when he willed it to boggling at times. It was all or nothing, Alphonse able to punch through walls without any effort. Hitting people was even worse, because they would bleed and make noises that humans just shouldn't make. And even so, if Edward ever told him who did this, Alphonse would make sure they got the healthy amount of pain they deserved.

"Just help me get my arm back on," Edward grumbled, shaking the empty jack for his auto-mail that had been clamped over his shoulder at him. Alphonse reluctantly picked up mechanical limb and held it up for his brother as Edward scooted over on the bed. He cracked his neck and pulled the towel around his waist up tight in preparation, his breathing already starting to become heavy and controlled. Alphonse hated watching this, making sure to hold the auto-mail steady as Edward eyed the loose wires and began loosely reattaching them. It was crude and definitely unsanitary compared to the procedure Winry would go through back at her shop, but there was no other choice in this matter. She would probably kill Edward if she ever heard he went to a different auto-mail technician, despite living so far away from Central City.

"Ready?" Edward asked, but Alphonse didn't think that his brother was talking to him. There was a moment's hesitation, and then Edward threw his shoulder hard into the auto-mail. Alphonse heard the metal click as it locked into place, the arm going rigid and straight as the turbines and nerves were hooked back up. Edward screeched aloud, so overwhelmed by pain he couldn't get a full scream out. His body tossed around out of shock before Edward swung back and slammed his forehead against the back of Alphonse's armor. The blow made the suit ring like a bell, plates clanging together as Edward ground himself into Alphonse's back. He didn't even move, fearing that he might cause his brother even more pain at this point- even though Edward had already used him to bang his head against. He was panting hard, groaning and twisting around in helpless pain until the nerves properly connected to the wiring in the auto-mail. Alphonse waited quietly while Edward eventually relaxed, settling himself bonelessly against his armor.

"You feel good after that. Nice and cold," Edward mumbled, his voice softer now. Alphonse wished he could smile at that, glad that one of them knew what it was really like to touch the other. They stayed like that, Alphonse unable to see or sense what his big brother was doing behind him. He just knew that he liked it, especially if it was helping Edward. He could almost imagine it now; if had real flesh, warm and soft instead of the hard steel that his brother was pressing his face up against right now. Alphonse probably missed his fingers the most, the way they could touch and sense the difference between textures… nothing but distant memories.

He heard a soft 'plop' on the bed, turning around to see his brother already sleeping in a messy tangle of arms and legs, a mix between flesh and metal. His mouth was open and was already snoring, so quick that it verged on passing out. Alphonse sighed, rolling imaginary eyes as he eased off the mattress. Even though Edward tended to sleep like the dead, he still didn't want to disturb him after reattaching auto-mail so soon. He tried to act so tough, even if he was hurting and aching like Alphonse knew he must be. He may not be able to feel anything, but he could see how Edward suffered whenever his auto-mail was attached. He wanted to do more for his brother, wanted to actually be useful for once instead of just mammoth and bumbling. Just how many years would it take for him to finally get used to this body? Not that he wasn't grateful, preferring this over that… _that _place he had barely had a glimpse of before Edward had called him back. The mere memory of it made his skin crawl- if not his armor.

Alphonse lifted up the sheets, carefully tucking his older brother into the bed instead of thinking about such horrible things. He was still here, no matter what sort of body he was in. Edward had managed to keep him from going off to whatever had been trying to pull him away from this life… Alphonse didn't really have an understanding of it himself. He just wanted to be by his brother, and that was enough. There was no one else to watch over them, Mother and Father gone long ago. Edward seemed to know just what had happened, but he had never talked about it, just like now. Alphonse was too timid to ask, too scared about making his brother angry to risk asking about what their parents had been like before Father had left. Edward had never told him anything about it, but from the frown that would come over his brother's face and the disjointed memories of yelling and things breaking before Father had completely disappeared was enough to make Alphonse sure that he didn't want to know. He hated not knowing, so left out of that part of their family life. He didn't want Edward to protect him, just because he didn't think that his little brother could handle the truth about their parents. He knew that Mother and Father had fought occasionally; he could remembered hiding in the room he shared with Edward while outrageous fights had gone on outside the door… but Edward would always say it would be okay, and then eventually Mother would come in and apologize about the noise, and in the morning Father would be smiling at the table with a cup of coffee like nothing had gone wrong- the light always hitting his face just so that Alphonse couldn't remember what his eyes had looked like.

He could only assume that they were somewhat like Edward's, drawing the covers up to his brother's chin as the blonde began snoring. Really, his brother could go from inhuman suffering to unbelievable laziness so quickly that is made his head spin… or rather, his helmet. Alphonse slowly picked himself off of the bed, moving very carefully and silently as he eased toward the door. Alphonse wanted to let his brother get as much sleep as possible, and knew that his body would make a terrible amount of noise no matter what he did. Edward wasn't the most delicate of sleepers, but Alphonse would still feel bad if he woke his brother up. Besides, he didn't really need that much sleep ever since he'd first woken up in this body. Many other things like thirst and hunger had gone missing as well, but it was better than not being alive at all. His evenings were still rather lonely, since this body was too loud to try and keep around Edward when he was sleeping. Alphonse stepped out onto the small porch outside, sighing again in disappointment. Edward hadn't told him anything at all, had gone to bed all bruised and banged up, still wet from the shower. Alphonse wished that his brother would take better care of himself- or at least listen when someone was trying to help him instead of getting angry and yelling.

Alphonse decided that he might as well go train until Edward woke up, slowly heading over the military practice grounds. He didn't really want to leave his brother alone right now, but he knew that Edward preferred it that way. Besides, if Alphonse didn't leave, Edward _would _in some form or another, be it falling asleep or stomping off on his own whenever he woke up next. Even though he wouldn't get tired from any exercise, it was nice to practice the old moves their old Master had taught them. It was meant to train the body and mind, but Alphonse only had one of those left- he thought. Well, thinking meant he had a mind, even if there was no brain any more. Alphonse was so preoccupied with trying to figure out where he kept his memories and thoughts that he almost completely passed by Lieutenant Hawkeye and that jerk Mustang walking down the path. To their house.

"Alphonse-kun, where are you going? How is Edward doing?" Miss Hawkeye asked immediately while both of them bowed politely to each other in greeting. She and Mustang were wearing their heavy, military-issued coats, carrying a brown paper bag apiece. The only difference was Mustang had a cap on as well, tugged down low enough to hide everything above the nose. Alphonse realized that it must be cold, glancing up once to spot the moon above to confirm what time it was. He didn't have the same perception of these things as when he had a real body, shuffling awkwardly as he wondered exactly what they were doing here so late at night.

"He just fell asleep, so I thought I would give him some quiet," Alphonse explained, hoping that the two of them hadn't been planning on checking up on Edward. He wouldn't take kindly to being babied, even though Edward had always whined the loudest for Mother to take care of them. After she had died, so had that part of Edward. He suddenly was always doing his best to be the older brother and more, like he could somehow fill up the hole their parents had left in their lives. Edward would rather try to bandage up his own wounds or nurse himself when he got sick, refusing to admit just how bad it really was to Alphonse. Edward was doing that now… he would probably wake up in the morning back to normal, and today would never be mentioned again. Alphonse wanted a _real _shoulder to offer his brother, but even that was impossible now. All he could do was stubbornly fend off anyone that wanted to bother them right now, wanting his brother to save his energy instead of yelling at intruders.

"Is that so?" Miss Hawkeye asked, sending a meaningful glance over to the Colonel. Alphonse couldn't tell if the man caught it or not, with that hat pulled down so low over his face. Hawkeye seemed to think so, turning back around and smiling at Alphonse gently. She wasn't the type of woman Alphonse would expect to find in the military, very polite and respectable. He couldn't imagine her firing a gun, even though she carried one in a holster attached to her side at all times. At least her coat was covering it right now, because it had always bothered Alphonse to see someone so motherly with such a deadly weapon.

"I'll just… drop this off outside the door then," the Colonel's voice was strange, a little bit slower than usual. Alphonse wasn't sure if he could really trust the man or not, about ready to protest them going anywhere near their house right now.

"Oh, Al, would you like to help me for a moment? I'm sure you would like to see this," Miss Hawkeye asked suddenly, digging into her own bag and holding up a can of cat food. Alphonse couldn't help but be interested after that, curious just what she might be doing with that- even though it was already obvious enough. He didn't know that Lieutenant Hawkeye liked cats, but she seemed like the type of person who would be kind to animals. She seemed to know that she had Alphonse's attention now, smiling and pointing down the path in a silent question of if he would like to go. Mustang sniffed, nodded carefully in goodbye before starting off down the path. Alphonse didn't even think twice about it, offering out his hands to help carry her load. Hawkeye passed it off easily, a warm and affectionate look in her eyes at the gesture.

"Where are we going?" Alphonse asked happily, glad to have some company for a little bit. She just turned and began walking at a brisk pace that would leave Alphonse behind if he didn't move, completely oblivious as he followed her away from the barracks.

and now to save everyone a little pain, intermission.


	2. And that's that lovin sound

Roy was lucky to have an officer like Hawkeye. He could be appreciative of having someone he could talk to and trust enough to not use it against him later. For as much as he could joke around and rely on Hughes for inside information, the man was no good when it came to keeping personal secrets. Riza was his most dependable Lieutenant, her loyalty just as unquestionable as her aim. He could depend on her to keep anything said over a few rounds to be kept just between them, or shoot a man in the middle of the forehead if he so ordered. She was just as driven as Roy was to one day get him at the head of the military, and sometimes could read deeper into the political plots and make a better decision than he ever could. He didn't know if he should call it a woman's intuition, but tonight was no different as she casually drew Alphonse away, knowing that he wanted a minute to talk to the Full Metal Alchemist.

It wasn't to apologize by any means, but just to make sure that his newest State Alchemist was physically okay. That was all. It had taken several bottles of whiskey to even get him this regretful, but he had no doubt most of it was due to Hawkeye listing off innumerable reasons why he shouldn't have lost his temper. She hadn't been the one to walk in on two soldiers piled on top of the boy like horny animals. Just thinking about what they would have done if he had been any later made Roy want to do it all over again. He was damn glad that he had killed those men, though now he was going to have to going to have to go through the trouble of finding out their names. Amazing how they could still manage to bother him after being turned into piles of ash. He had more pressing worries, like trying to deal with a twelve-year-old that thought he belonged in the military. Roy sourly knocked on the door, hiccuping before he could help it. He had almost had too much tonight, but thankfully Riza had been there to keep him from going overboard. She really was such a good woman- if only she'd wear a damn skirt once in a while. Why did the military have to take away the female's right to an attractive outfit?

Roy eventually realized that Edward wasn't answering the door, belatedly remembering what Alphonse had said about him being asleep. He only began to pound harder on the door, using the side of his fist in drunken repetition. He really could do this all night, swaying in front of the rundown barracks while he waited for the boy to wake up. He didn't care if Edward was trying to get some sleep or not; he wouldn't be in the mood to be somewhat gracious for a long time. Tonight was quite the exception, Roy determined not to leave until he had spoken with the youngest State Alchemist in history.

He finally heard that familiar, nasal yelling as Edward was awakened by the knocking. There was some fumbling around and garbled cursing, words that Edward really shouldn't know yet pouring out from inside. A light turned on inside, spilling out through the front windows. Roy stopped pounding on the door as he waited for the boy to actually open it, adjusting his bag in frustration. He was only doing this because Hawkeye had insisted; otherwise, he would be working on all those dates he needed to go on to clean up this stupid sexual harassment business. There was no reason why a Colonel had to personally see to _any _of his men- so the damn Full Metal punk had better appreciate this. Roy firmed himself up with those thoughts as he heard someone approach on the inside of the decaying building. Bright, golden eyes were warm with welcome despite the sour expression on his face peeked through the opening, overwhelming Roy as Edward swung the door back. He had never seen such an unguarded and _happy _expression on the blonde's face before, obviously expecting his brother and looking every bit of twelve.

"I swear, Al, how many times do I have to tell you to remember a key, y-…" Edward trailed off in the middle of his speech, blinking up in shock as he realized his brother wasn't there at all. Roy could already see the swelling beginning to close up his left eye and inflate the cheek, Edward's nose comically red from being hit, and an untreated cut on his chin. His usually neatly braided hair was damp and hanging around his face in tangled clumps; wearing nothing but a pair of boxers over mismatched human and mechanic legs, and what Roy recognized to be the plain white undershirt issued with every military uniform… except even the smallest size was too large for the boy. The sleeves covered up the tips of his fingers and the hem dropped down to mid-thigh, the collar sagging open with too many buttons undone. Roy's eyes dropped there instinctively, to the shadows of muscles that one wouldn't expect on a child. Edward caught the gaze, recognition slamming down as he glared hard, his real hand moving to start buttoning up the shirt… and tried heaving the door shut instead. Roy already had his foot braced against the frame, perhaps a little drunk- but he had dealt with more angry women than Edward would ever dream of. He knew what to expect when someone didn't want to see him.

"Move your foot," Edward growled out in homicidal tones, trying to shove the door hard enough on Roy's shoe to break bones. Military issue leather was a beautiful thing, Roy only grinning as he leaned against the door; more for his own balance than to force the matter. The poor kid could try all night long and he wouldn't be able to get Mustang to move, the contest almost nonexistent. Roy was just too drunk and tired to get worked up immediately; usually reprimanding the punk for daring to take such a voice with him… but, he had already saved Edward from nearly being raped, after having Hawkeye chew him out for not taking that into consideration. Would she have preferred that everyone see just why they called him Full Metal Alchemist? The Military may have done some questionable experiments before in the sake of waging warfare, but Human Transmutation had never been looked upon with any favor. It was one of the unspoken taboos of Alchemy, just as natural as breathing. To think this child had stepped into the realm that went beyond scientific explanation, had already seen what awaited man after death, and was now doing his best to slam the door in Roy's face. He was so immature and yet undeniably a genius- almost a monster. Roy almost couldn't believe it of the partially naked youth in front of him now, beginning to flush red with either frustration or embarrassment. Roy could feel the heat in his own cheeks from putting down shot after shot in an attempt to drown the memories that wanted to surface after this afternoon.

"You already opened the door," Roy tried arguing, giving the blonde his best smile. He could be very persuasive at times, but that was usually when women were charmed stupid by his handsome face.

"And now I'm trying to close it! Get the fuck out of here," Edward cried out, starting to kick at Roy's boot with his auto-mail. That unfortunately began to get him to move, so Roy just really put his weight against the door and walked forward. That was enough for Roy to blow the blonde backwards, not quiet enough to fall, but it gave him a chance to breeze into the barracks they had assigned the Elric brothers. Roy could almost feel bad about using housing that should have been torn down years ago, but he couldn't have the Full Metal Alchemist out in plain sight, not when the boy was still so wild and disobedient. He hadn't learned that you had to blend into the pack to survive, quietly waiting for the moment someone else would fall before showing his true colors and attacking. He wasn't going to risk anything unless there was a damn good reason, working like a silent vulture while he gathered power and connections. Having the youngest State Alchemist ever, along with his ability to perform Alchemy without the array, had already brought him quite a lot of fame as the discoverer of this talent. The only problem was getting the boy to actually obey _any _of the rules the military had laid down for certified Alchemists- much less any orders he tried to give. He had meant to come here in somewhat civil terms, but it had only taken the walk in from the door and throwing himself into one of the old chairs at a rickety table to be pissed off all over again. He supposed Edward just had that way with people, something about that arrogant attitude of his that made Roy want to press all his buttons.

"What are you doing? I didn't let you in here," Edward screeched, pointing back at the open door like he could rewind time. Roy just kicked his feet up onto the table, sighing in relief at sitting down. It had been such a horribly long day, and Edward was doing very little to make it better. He tossed his hat off, letting it land carelessly on the table along with the paper bag- after Roy had taken out his own personal item of an unopened bottle of whiskey. He didn't know when he had taken a liking to the stuff, but if it got him drunk, then it was good enough for him.

"I have something for you, Mr. Elric," Roy pointed to the now-safe bag he had thrown on the table. Edward still hadn't moved from the door, staring at him with a stunned expression that he had been so easily ignored. Just because most of the female officers fell all over themselves for the young and undeniably cute, baby-faced Full Metal Alchemist didn't mean that he would. Roy had no such interest in other people for that; just liked the occasional bout of stress-relieving sex with whoever was available at the moment. He barely associated with his men outside of work and had few personal friends to speak of, but that was more because Roy didn't like to waste time on such trivialities. Usually people would be grateful when he paid them an actual visit; anyone who knew him also was aware of how tight his schedule was. He could be actually trying to sleep right now, an activity that he missed far too much of. At least he was already ripped enough to know he would be able to sleep peacefully tonight, no flashbacks in his dreams no matter what had happened today.

"I don't care! _Leave_!" Edward demanded, even though he slammed the door shut angrily afterward. He could already tell that Roy meant to stay here a while, determined to get a thank you for this if it was the last thing he did. They were both stubborn like that, which only made it harder to argue with the boy. It wasn't fair that he was reminded so much of himself, of those foolish dreams he had when he was too young to know better- just like Edward was. He didn't have any reason to particularly care for the boy, but he knew that he didn't want anyone else to end up like him, having to follow orders that went against everything that made up a decent human being. Sometimes Roy couldn't hold his finger still, pulling on an invisible trigger that he wished he had never fired.

"Get me some glasses," Roy demanded, hoisting up the bottle in peace offering. It was the way he usually went about it with his men, when they were stuck on the field and there was nothing left to do but drink until the fighting began again. They were so lucky to be in this temporary lull of peace, but Edward would never know how to appreciate it. He was too young to have been there during the recent conflicts of their time, hadn't really _seen_ warfare yet. Roy didn't want any of the men under his command to have to fight and kill against their will, and something about Edward made him all that more determined. He couldn't have children going out into the battlefield just to die- not ever again. He wasn't like the old men still clinging to tradition that were in power now, wasn't about to hold onto his pride when he could keep men alive… He _was _drunk tonight, to be so caught up in justifying himself. There was no reason to question the path he'd taken, uncapping the bottle and waiting impatiently as Edward slowly approached.

"Get it yourself. I'm too young to drink anyway," he spat out smartly, crossing his arms and landing hard into the other open chair. He clearly wasn't going to get up again, leaving Roy there with one eyebrow raised. He only chuckled at the pointed return, no stranger to drinking straight out of the bottle. Glasses had been a foreign luxury when you were squatting down in a muddy trench at the front lines. And to think if he only had the skill in Alchemy that he had now back _then_… just a shred of the experience he'd gained in the years following… he couldn't help but laugh at what a damn fool he'd been. Edward made an irritated noise when Roy swallowed down what was in the neck of the bottle in his first try. It was a wonder that he had managed to get past Alphonse while so inebriated, but that hat had seemed to hide most signs of intoxication. There was no need for it now, with Edward frowning openly at him across the table.

"Well, take it," Roy snapped, irritated with the silence that was almost ready to become uncomfortable. He wasn't about to let a child make him nervous, shoving the bag hard across the table. The contents fell out halfway; the bright red of Edward's coat appearing as suddenly as blood. The boy looked down at in shock, obviously surprised to see the clothing that Roy had found partially shredded on the floor of that storage closet.

"You wouldn't know it, but Fuery is rather good at sewing," he explained. He had thrown it at the man before leaving with Lieutenant Hawkeye for a few drinks, and it had been predictably folded and waiting on his desk when he returned. He knew that Edward was still too small for a military uniform, the shirt he was wearing now only proving Roy right. The blonde tentatively grabbed the coat, pulling it out to find the sleeve and collar repaired. Fuery even had the decency to not ask why it had been ripped so, just brought out a set of needles, string, and promptly got to work. Roy reminded himself that he was going to have to go easy on the other man after this

"…sanks," Edward mumbled out in a whisper that barely reached his ears.

"What? I'm afraid I didn't quiet catch that," Roy's voice was perhaps a bit louder than necessary, but it was humorous after Edward had been so timid. He knew very well that the boy had been offering his gratitude, which Roy was no doubt deserving of, but certainly wasn't expecting. At least not for some stupid coat. Roy was waiting for the important admittance that he had saved Edward from whatever those two shits had been trying to pull with him in the closet. It wasn't every day that he lost his temper, but the consequences were always such a pain to deal with. It would be a lot simpler if Edward would just be a good boy and use the manners _someone _must have taught him at some point. The Elric brothers weren't complete savages, though there were times when Roy would wonder.

"I said 'thank you,' you jerk! Are you happy now?" Edward snapped out at last, his mouth twisted up in a tight line of disapproval. It really was amazing that the blonde hadn't tried to explode him with alchemy or such by now. He could only imagine it was because the stubborn idiot had respect for his skills as an Alchemist as well, even if Edward wasn't going to say such aloud.

"I'd be happier if I had a glass," Roy replied honestly, hoisting up his bottle in clarification. The military called for few manners, especially when it came to eating and drinking, but Roy had never been a fan of drinking straight from the bottle. Not when he was sure there were glasses in the vicinity and a perfectly good lower-ranking soldier to order around like a maid… besides, it was humorous to see a vein on Edward's forehead pop as the boy fell forward in shock that he would be dealt with so brusquely.

"Is that so?" Edward asked far too politely, one eyebrow twitching between pleased and furious as the blonde tried to keep a smile on his face. "Would you leave after finishing that stuff?"

It wasn't so much a question as a very fierce suggestion. Roy just shrugged his shoulders ambiguously, figuring that he would be able to wrap up his business here along with what was left in the bottle. Edward seemed pleased enough with that, standing up from the table and moving over to the dirty kitchen. It was strange too see one real leg and a second one made of metal taking such even steps, Roy a little fascinated at the process. He could stare openly now with Edward's back facing him, no stranger to auto-mail after serving in the military for so long; but, it certainly was strange to see it on someone so young. Roy couldn't pry the whole story out of the older brother even if he used a set of clamps, but apparently he had lost his leg in the first transmutation of their mother and gave up the second to bring his brother back. To willingly give up an arm, to have it taken while you were still alive and awake to feel it… the thought was enough to make a man like Roy shudder when he had a wet-behind-the-ears punk actually living it. The Elrics had already been through so much in their relatively short lives, and they didn't need help either. Roy had to admit that the brothers had done well for the few days they had been stuck in this place, much more independent than any other children their age. Though the house had been provided, all the furniture, food, and repairs since had been done entirely by themselves. He supposed it was easy enough to get along when one of them didn't even have a body. Roy wondered how either of these boys got through an entire day without crying their little hearts out.

"You know, it would go faster if you had some too," Roy hinted when the boy only picked out one glass from the shelves. Edward almost completely ignored him, hurling the cabinet shut and stomping right back to the table in a way that would have made any woman jealous. It was almost humorous that a mere kid in an oversized shirt could make him feel so out of place just by slamming the glass down hard on the table with his real hand, glaring at him pointedly.

"I hate that stuff- and I'm underage even _if_ I wanted to," Edward sniped out, suddenly caring for the rules when they worked to his advantage. He shook his hair back over one shoulder, the wet and knotted mess looking longer than normal when it was allowed down. Roy glanced up at the boy, who was for _once _looking down on him while Roy remained seated, studying the frustrated line Edward's mouth was making. His lips definitely were bruised, no doubt smacked around a couple of times for talking back like he usually did. His whole face was turning pink with swelling, golden cat eyes going wide as Roy continued staring. Edward leaned back, meaning to cross his arms and sit down in the opposite chair again, but Roy caught him by the auto-mail first. It didn't really feel like he was holding a human wrist, more like a lead pipe as he forced the Full Metal Alchemist to stop short. Edward turned around on him fiercely, mouth open to say some no doubt cutting and sarcastic remark- and all Roy had to do was sit up straight to met the boy right in the eyes, their noses close enough to touch.

"Haven't you taken care of these yet?" Roy demanded, grabbing the boy underneath the chin with his other hand to jerk Edward's neck back, checking the extent of the damage. Really, it didn't take much to bruise a child up like overripe fruit; Edward no different despite his foul mouth. He hated to see one of his officers so badly injured… _hell_, he was drunk enough to admit that some part of him was just outraged at the violence, a protective steak coming to life that Roy didn't even know he had in him. He usually only felt this way about lonely women and stray dogs wandering out in the rain, but Edward called up that little human piece of him that had always wanted to be a father. Roy had more than missed out on his chance, outright denied it in favor of a career in the military. There weren't very many women that could deal with that kind of life, and Roy hadn't had the luck to find any of them either. So, there had been nothing left but to brush the dream of a family life aside and dedicate himself completely to work… then, this little punk had to show up out of nowhere and land himself in the middle of the armed forces. Roy was beginning to understand why those female officers were so crazy about the boy; he was still just young enough to need a parent, and the women were all more than ready to take care of a child that they couldn't have for themselves. It was nice to play house, but when it came down to it, barely anybody in the military had the actual time.

"Don't touch me! I'm fine, damn it," Edward snapped out at last, ripping away his mechanized arm in a loud creak of turbines and metal. Roy wouldn't have even been able to hold onto that auto-mail sober, shocked at the pure power behind that limb. Edward was going to truly grow into that strength one day, and the thought was downright terrifying. Until then, he was still far too young and short to think that he could take care of himself; and Roy had no choice but to make sure that Edward matured into his potential gracefully. That was it. Nothing more than a professional interest, since Edward's future accomplishments would ultimately reflect back on him.

"No, you're not. Don't you have a first-aid kit around here?" Roy asked, turning his attention back to the whiskey like nothing had happened. He could hear Edward grinding his teeth together behind his back, simply unable to play the part of a beaten victim. He would never be intimidated into anything, a fascinatingly stubborn attitude that Roy couldn't help but wonder how long Edward would be able to keep.

"You can get it yourself this time," Edward grumbled out irritably, no doubt making a face or some rude gesture at the back of his head. He could hear it in the way the air moved, fabric rustled, and the creaking of mechanic muscle. Roy grinned, flipping the glass upright and pouring himself a real drink at last. It was a cup meant for water, not alcohol, but Roy didn't care either way as dark liquid filled it from top to bottom.

"I don't have a problem digging through your things, but if you don't want me looking in every drawer…" Roy drawled, unable to keep a grin from his face at the underhanded tactics. This was what being in the military was all about- other people doing the work for you. He could heard Edward cursing as he stomped off to the bathroom without any more argument- at least, not to his face. Roy knew that everyone had something in their drawers and cabinets that they didn't want others to see. That was why it wasn't out in plain sight, after all. It was so easy to work Edward that Roy could almost feel guilty about it; none of the boy's stubborn antics compared to women screaming at him in public and spreading the most vicious lies behind his back. At least Edward was somewhat obvious and up front about it, like children tended to be. He definitely cursed loudly enough and threw some things around unnecessarily in the bathroom before coming back carrying a small white box with a red cross painted on the front. Roy was thankful that he had been taking a quiet sip from his glass instead of leaving it on the table for when Edward dropped the case down hard. The whiskey nearly fell to the floor, but miraculously regained its balance on its own as Edward took his seat again; crossing both arms and legs in a way that said he wasn't standing up again until Roy was leaving. Roy frowned down at the tanned, muscled leg swung over a strange, metal assembly of parts that resembled a human leg. All that he could see of the other auto-mail were metal fingers poking out from underneath the cuff of Edward's oversized shirt to wrap around the real flesh of his other arm. He might as well have forgotten what he had just brought to the table, sullen and mute with that bruised face. Roy kept on absently sipping on his drink, slowly finishing off the whole glass without even realizing it as he kept on staring. Edward was poignantly keeping his gaze locked on the wall toward his left, even though it was completely bare. Roy didn't care, since it gave him a chance to study the partial profile and unique yellow eyes. Riza had the same, but hers were more of a dulled, well-worked gold, not the bright and faultless shine of Edward's still-naïve gaze. She had simply been through more and it showed on the lines of her face, the color of her hair, eyes, and skin; and she would also pistol-whip Roy if he stared at her like this for as long as he was at Edward now.

"Well?" Edward finally prompted him, breaking the silence like a rock through a church window. Roy shook himself into a more upright position, straightening out his shoulders and spine as he forced himself to attention. Edward was frowning at him full on, no place to hide when the boy's complete attention was being directed at him. And why would he need to escape, when he was a Colonel and Edward was nothing more than a puppy that had managed to get into the den of the military. Roy set his glass down and used his teeth to pull the fingers of his gloves off, a little to drunk to mange it with his hands alone. Edward watched this quietly; one eyebrow pulling up higher than the other as Roy rolled his sleeves back and finally opened up the first-aid kit the boy had brought out. It had nothing special in it, the usual assortment of bandages and medicine that one would expect to find. Roy had done his own share of patch-jobs on the field with worse; when a man was bleeding to death from shrapnel in his stomach and there was nothing left to do but tie it up so his guts wouldn't fall out and hope a real medical team would be there soon. Edward didn't have any such injuries, not even a broken bone to speak of after everything he had been through today, but the swelling on that baby-face demanded to be taken care of. Roy picked up his chair, sliding close enough to the blonde that Edward stiffened up his chair and obviously tried to back away.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Roy was sure that the question was meant to come out fiercely, but Edward's voice ended up squeaking with age- still a little too young to keep that deep and arrogant tone up forever. Roy smirked at that, remembering back when _he _had been that old; when he had been going through that awkward phase of puberty himself. It had passed rather quickly though; leaving him with much more sculpted and aged featured than his friends. Having a ready lover had never been a problem when he was so positively handsome. The tricky part was finding someone interesting enough for an actual relationship to start. Roy was old enough to have a family of his own, but he had nothing other than an empty, one-bedroom apartment waiting for him at home. He had left behind his own family in favor of the military and lost contact with them all long ago, his parents nothing but distant memories now. He knew the same went for the Elric brothers, since Hohenheim had been missing for a decade plus now, according to military files. They had barely been old enough to walk to school by themselves when Edward and Alphonse had attempted a Human Transmutation with their own mother. 'Family' was such a vague word to invoke, and Roy could probably blame it all on the burning liquor in his stomach if he remembered this in the morning… but he felt strangely comfortable pulling out a cotton ball and soaking it with disinfectant, almost fatherly as he brushed it against the open scratch on Edward's chin.

Immediately there was a screech of protest and Edward shoved him away, his auto-mail hand clamping over the cut and large tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

"That burns!" Edward made it an accusation, like Roy had somehow made the ointment sting worse than usual. He sighed and rolled his eyes at the fussing, knowing men that had taken bullet wounds better than Edward over one swipe of medicine across an open wound. It would fight off infection and feel better in the long run than if Roy let Edward continue to neglect it.

"Hold still for a moment," Roy insisted, carefully putting a hand to the side of the boy's face to hold him there; not quite hard enough to make him think that Roy would really force the issue. Edward was still free to throw him out of here any time he really chose to, with that explosive Alchemy and temper of his. He had already promised he'd leave when he finished his bottle, which was halfway done now. Roy just ignored the hand that halfheartedly tried to push his hand away, knowing that if Edward had chosen to use his auto-mail, he could have easily blown Roy off. Instead, he was allowed to dab at the cut a few more times before deciding it was clean. He let Edward grumble and complain under his breath about the treatment while Roy opened up a Band-Aid, slapping it on with little grace. Edward made to say something, but Roy shut him up easily enough by leaning in as close as possible without actually touching the boy. Roy could feel the warmth of his body, the sharp breath that was drawn in apprehension and let out against his cheek. Edward flushed at the proximity, eyes desperately searching for something else to stare at, but Roy was too close for the blonde to look anywhere else. Roy knew exactly how to get someone's attention when he wanted it- and he was a little too drunk and off-balance to pull away.

"Just what did you say to make them hit you so hard?" he demanded, sure that even the worst of scum they could find in the military wouldn't do this to a child without good reason. Take away that obnoxious attitude and equally irritating voice, along with the bruises he'd gained today, and Edward was as pretty as any girl was. Roy was a man of very few morals, admittedly, but he liked his women of a legal age. That didn't mean that he didn't _look _at some girls and appreciate them for the beauties they were going to mature into. Edward was the same, he just had the sort of face that Roy couldn't help conceding a 'cute' too despite himself. If the female officers were swooning over him now, just wait until Edward _was _actually old enough to drink. He would be rather stunning then, probably the kind of face that could turn both female and male heads around. Edward did it now without even knowing it… the little bastard. It was probably all that long, blonde hair.

"Nothing," Edward snapped out sourly, summoning together the courage to look Roy straight in the eyes and just _glare _hatred. Roy would have better luck trying to physically pry the answers out from the jaw clenched shut, Edward looking ready to bite him if Roy dared to question him further. It only made him want to start actually shaking the boy, so frustrated and not really even sure why. He could blame it on the whiskey, grabbing the blonde by the shoulder hard enough to make him wince in pain.

"I don't kill men for 'nothing.' Don't try to fucking play this off, Full Metal. I want to know just what the hell happened in there," Roy made it an order, his voice hardening up. It was true- he usually had a little more value for his fellow man, except when they were in the middle of the most inhumane act possible. He hadn't been able to hold his temper in then or now, sick of Edward's lip.

"What do you want to know? That I couldn't defend myself? That I was too scared to fight back?" Edward yelled, spittle flying into Roy's face with the pure fury behind those words. He had to lean back out of self-preservation while the miniature State Alchemist raged in front of him.

"Why do we have to go over this again? You wanna hear me go on about what a fucking hero you were? I was just about ready to kick their asses," Edward declared foolishly. It made Roy wonder if the boy even understood the exact danger he had been in. Edward had been about ready to _cry_ when Roy had gotten there, doing nothing worse than screaming while they gagged him. He already looked like he had been on the losing end of a schoolyard fight, so fucking naïve that it was hazardous for everyone around him. Roy didn't like risking his office in the main building because the Full Metal Alchemist had gotten involved with two soldiers he should have known better than to even talk to.

"Would that have been before or after they got your pants off?" Roy asked coolly into that furious face, too intoxicated to think better of it before the words had already come out. Edward blinked at him, freezing up with his mouth hanging open. There was nothing left to say after that; Roy still human enough to feel regret but not about to apologize for speaking the truth. If he hadn't gotten there when he did, something would have happened to Edward that should happen to no child. Perhaps he had come in like a hero, but that wasn't what he wanted to hear. What he required was Edward admitting that he _had _actually been in trouble, to recognize where his limits were before someone physically beat them into the insolent blonde. Roy didn't need any stubborn and unreliable personalities underneath his command... didn't need a child with tears in his eyes that had nothing to do with pain.

Roy slowly came to the appalling realization he'd finally managed to make Edward Elric cry.

"I'm-…" the apology stuck in his throat, being so long since he tried that Roy had honestly forgot what he was supposed to say. He rarely tried to excuse his own behavior, determined to act the best way he thought fit, be it military brass or whining women. He usually didn't let himself get this drunk in front of his men either, Hawkeye and Hughes being the only exceptions to that rule. Roy hated the nauseating feeling in his stomach that had nothing to do with the liquor, but the knowledge he had made a mistake. He'd entered with the intention of patching up lines of communication, if not their disputable relationship, and he'd managed to rip it apart even worse than before. Even _he _had to call himself a bastard right now, wishing he could somehow take back that last little bit of poison he'd spit out. Despite how much Edward could piss him off, Roy was still the adult. Edward wasn't quite ready to deal with a grown-up's sarcasm and wit, that necessary level of social fortitude lacking.

"Get out of here! I hate you!" Edward railed at him like any child would, clenching his eyes shut angrily like he could just block Roy out and stop the tears. He made to wipe his eyes with the long sleeves- then, Roy recognized he was going to make an array. He wasn't going to let this be solved with Alchemy either, though any way was easier than trying to talk it out. Roy had already done a magnificent job of screwing that up, and he'd be damned if he left the place feeling like _he _was the asshole. He already had his fill of being guilty and responsible for things he had no power to stop. Edward, however, was one person that he could actually help this early in his career; might have even kept from knowing just how horrible the army really was, until today. The boy's cheeks were bruised because he'd been too late, and wet with tears from Roy saying too much. He surprised himself with his own coordination, grabbing the boy by his real wrist and yanking him off balance. Edward stumbled, auto-mail banging into Roy's knee in smarting pain before he truly fell… a surprisingly soft weight over his chest and shoulders. Roy was ready for a fight, grabbing Edward by his upper arms to keep the blonde from trying to make an array or take an actual punch at him, and finding them firmly locked around his neck. The old chair creaked beneath their combined weight, Edward's auto-mail heavy enough to make it dangerous. The boy was an awkward load between his legs with arms hooked over his shoulders, damp hair teasing his chin and the metal limbs bitingly cold even through his own uniform, Roy not quite sure how to dislodge the blonde.

"I couldn't do anything," Edward finally admitted, something wet brushing against Roy's ear and collar. He frowned at that, certain that Edward was going to stain his clothes with snot and tears from this little outbreak. He could feel the boy crying with his body covering his own, lungs heaving and arms shaking- even his auto-mail. Roy tried pushing at the boy one more time with a soft 'come on,' like he was trying to coax an animal to move.

"I miss my mom," Edward whimpered out in a small, broken voice; someone who had lost his beloved parent far too soon. Roy's shirt tightened as the boy dug his fist in, clinging to him in outright desperation. Roy was certain that it hardly mattered to Edward who he was right now, beginning to notice the warm solidity that was unique to the human body… He actually couldn't remember the last time he had hugged someone, not just an arm around a woman as they walked down the street or lay naked in bed together. It was quite a different thing to slowly let one hand rest on Edward's back, the other starting to smooth out the boy's hair almost instinctively. There was a choking gasp, a moment's pause, and then Edward let it all out.

Huge, gulping sobs, nothing but pure human agony coming out from his mouth. Edward was too damn young to have this kind of sadness inside him. It seemed like another lifetime, a completely different person that could remember when _his _mother would comfort him from nightmares. Then, he'd finally grown old and hardened. When he _did_ have nightmares now, they were horrible flashbacks that left him in a bed soaking with sweat and a woman sporting a new bruise on the floor. He'd lost good men before, but his mother was still alive- and refusing to die of old age along with his father. They were going to rot out in the peaceful countryside, his father's martial medals so old that they had begun to rust. Roy didn't much care for his own family, but to have them all simply _gone _was another matter entirely. He had grown up with more than his share of kisses, hugs, and pinched cheeks in the short period of youth where he'd been too small to defend himself; never lacking in relatives that wanted to show him a little affection. Roy's natural good looks had been a curse until he'd turned the tables and became the one doing the seducing, now always having someone ready to be intimate on any night he chose. Edward didn't quite have that luxury, even though he had a face that _might _mature into something handsome, if someone finally did him the courtesy of nailing that foul mouth shut. Edward couldn't have strangers or mere acquaintances getting physically close to him without discovering his auto-mail, as Roy was already finding out for himself. The heavy machinery pressed against the inside of his thigh was already causing a cramp in the poor muscles underneath it, Roy wishing that he could tell Edward to move… but he'd given up on that a while ago, determined to ride this out until the end. He couldn't just pull away when Edward was crying like this. Even _he _couldn't be that big of a jerk, asshole, or whatever other nickname they chose to give him behind his back. Roy Mustang could be a big softie if he wanted to- and he was certain Edward wasn't about to go around talking about how he cried on the Colonel. That was probably the best thing the boy had going for him right now, that and the eight shots too many he had at the bar with Hawkeye.

He didn't say anything while Edward continued to cry with all of his heart, the sheer stamina it took to keep up those tears impressive. Roy kept on petting Edward's head like a dog that had done something right for a change, surprised as the damp knots in the boy's hair came out easily. Roy got caught up in the texture of it, expecting the blonde strands to be ragged and thick, since it was always put back in a braid. Instead, it was parting like silk, finer than most ladies' with their expensive shampoos and time-consuming care. Roy couldn't help it, telling himself that it was simply something he needed to do to keep himself entertained while Edward continued to cry like this, but that excuse sounded weak even inside his own head. Having the Full Metal Alchemist flip from screaming insults at him to clutching at him like a lifeline was a change Roy was still trying to catch up with, too buzzed to think about implications and allegations and goddamn sexual harassment reports.

-

"Do any of them have names?" Alphonse asked as the kittens prowled about, mewling in a chorus of different feline voices as Miss Hawkeye opened more cans for them.

"Well, that one is definitely the leader, so I call him Chief," she explained, pointing back at a large, black cat hanging out by the building. Alphonse could tell that the cat was old and tough with a visible scar over one eye, tail beginning to swish about threateningly as he stared for too long. Alphonse gasped and looked back to Miss Hawkeye, creaking loudly and startling one of the smaller kittens that had dared to wander closer to him. It ran back underneath the stairs of the main building where they all had taken residence. There was a small hole that allowed the cats into the crawl space underneath the foundations, and they had obviously made it into a little palace. Alphonse could guess that there were at least three families here, the roles of mothers, fathers, and children all filled out with kittens to spare. Lieutenant Hawkeye was just confirming their stay with regular food, working open a full bag of wet cat food with her army knife and setting the cans out on the ground. Alphonse would have never guessed that there were cats living in such a busy spot, even though he had spotted a few roaming around the grounds sometimes.

"What about this one?" Alphonse asked as the same kitten that had run off before decided to come back for a second try. Even in the military, it was strange to see someone in full armor during peacetime. Alphonse _felt _out of place, usually, but being alone with Lieutenant Hawkeye was actually quite nice. The fact that she knew he would like cats made him so happy that Edward would probably laugh at him for it.

"Orange Unit 04," she answered, and for a moment he hoped it was a joke. But, her expression didn't change, horribly dead serious about it. Alphonse would have grimaced at her naming sense, if he had a face. To think that there were probably three other kitties wandering around with that same name was even worse. He was better off knowing the rest of them, secretly promising to come back and think of something to call them all. Miss Hawkeye gave him a judging glance, like she knew just what he was thinking of, and then went back to petting one particular loud cat that was vying for her attention.

"Ah, thanks… for showing me this," Alphonse struggled for something else to say. It really was almost magical to see this many cats gathered together, some brave enough to come up and start sniffing at his armor, but he was beginning to get worried about Edward. He didn't like the thought of leaving his older brother alone for this long, even if Edward had wanted his privacy. He seemed pretty upset about everything, though he had been doing his best to pass it off like nothing had happened. Alphonse hated that excuse most of all. When 'nothing' had gone on, he could rightfully assume that the worst had occurred. Besides, Edward was still covered in bruises and scrapes that he likely hadn't even treated yet and wouldn't treat until Alphonse got back. One of Edward's biggest failings was his complete and utter inability to take care of himself. If left alone to study or search for clues on the Philosopher's Stone, Edward could easily go days without eating or sleeping, too busy reading and cross-referencing to stop for anything as silly as his own health. The few times they had ever been separated for more than a few hours, Edward had always come back with trouble and broken bones, sometimes even no limbs at all. He didn't understand Edward's horrible, bad, bad luck, but it wasn't that obvious whenever Alphonse was with him. He could think of himself as a good luck charm, or the one mature enough to be the older brother at times. He just took care of Edward, slowly began doing the things their mother had always done for them. They had learned to fend for themselves very young, Alphonse always able to find some food or shelter for Edward while they traveled, since his body didn't require such any more. Edward was his only family left… and Alphonse wasn't about to desert him for some kittens when the Colonel was probably yelling at him again. Alphonse didn't like Roy Mustang any more, didn't like how he'd been shaking his brother before he'd gotten there. The more he thought about it, the more he didn't think he could trust the man to just drop off whatever package he'd been carrying.

"I really should get back to my brother, I'm sure he's-…" Alphonse started, beginning to stand up to leave even though he would have really liked to stay. He just couldn't be happy with all these cats when he could imagine Edward getting yelled at by that awful Mustang. He was stopped by Miss Hawkeye putting a hand on his arm- not actually feeling it, but seeing the movement and the sad smile she sent up at him. They both seemed to pause in time, the cats mewling around them as she managed to suddenly banish all coherent though.

"Just give them a while longer," she suggested softly. Alphonse couldn't help staring at her, Miss Hawkeye's head tilted just so, her eyes closed, and her mouth smiling in a way that was so much like his own deceased mother that it actually hurt.

"I _knew_ he wasn't just dropping off a package!" Alphonse was able to break the spell rather easily just by remembering that his older brother was in serious trouble right now. He wasn't going to give Roy a little while longer so that he could do worse. Edward deserved a little peace and quiet after a day like today, not another lecture from his most despised superior officer.

"Please, Alphonse-kun, wait. It may not seem like it, but the Colonel was really upset about this afternoon. He wants to apologize," she reasoned with him, with a look on her face that was just as pleading as the cats that were still hungry and begging for more. She didn't want them to be angry at Mustang; she wanted them to just be blinded by his rank and skill as an Alchemist and happily ignore the fact that he was a disgusting excuse for a human being.

"He didn't seem very _apologetic_ when he was yelling at Edward," Alphonse snapped right back, surprising himself with the venom in his voice. He was just so _angry _with the man for hurting Edward's feelings. Alphonse didn't care if he was lacking details or explanations to why Roy and Edward had both been in that storage closet, didn't care if he had gone to the Colonel first asking for help. If he had known that it would have ended up with his older brother crying, Alphonse would have taken care of everything himself from the very beginning. Another large, orange tabby yowled its agreement with him, rubbing its head against his knee for a reward.

"You have to understand, Roy is an officer of the military. That's just his way," Miss Hawkeye attempted to justify his actions, using his choice of employment as an excuse. Alphonse glanced over at her, knowing that he couldn't really make any sort of face, something to express his complete disagreement with her words. _She _was a military officer, and Lieutenant Hawkeye was one of the nicest ladies he knew; in fact, she was one of the only women that he knew, besides Winry and her old grandma. But, if all military personal were like Roy Mustang, Central City would be nothing but a large scorch-mark across the earth. Alphonse had been surprised to find so many different people working for the government, as well as so many Alchemists gathered together. It was amazing to think that he could talk about a six-point array and everyone would know exactly what he meant here. He'd been so used to Edward being the only other person he was familiar with that even comprehended Alchemy, and now a day didn't go by where he didn't see someone else performing a transmutation.

"He's used to giving out orders, so it's hard for him to admit when he's wrong. All I ask is that you give him enough time to try and talk with Edward," she explained in a soft voice, one full of sadness. He could tell that Miss Hawkeye cared a lot about her Colonel, no matter what kind of horrible, selfish jerk he was. She was trying to reach out to them when Mustang couldn't but, Alphonse rather thought that was because the man was a complete loss as a human being. Just who would keep yelling at someone who was already naked and crying? Alphonse didn't understand why she was trying to bargain with him, scooping one gray and black striped cat off the ground and hoisting it up between them. Alphonse stared at the feline that glared back, clearly not pleased with being held but unable to look around at its current captor.

"Please- _meow_?" Lieutenant Hawkeye did a fair impersonation of a cat's voice, shaking the poor thing softly as if it were speaking. The absolutely enraged scowl on the feline's face deepened, not pleased with this indignity but putting up with it for now. Alphonse wasn't quite sure how to answer that, really wanting to go back to his brother in case the Colonel decided to reprimanded Edward outside of his office and military working hours… but, he also wanted to laugh aloud. Miss Hawkeye made him feel cared about, actually _trying_ to cheer him up. Even if it was all a plan to distract him from going back home immediately, Alphonse loved all the attention.

"Well, just for a little bit, I guess," Alphonse finally agreed, holding his hands out to try taking the cat from Miss Hawkeye. The animal noticed this and immediately took action; leaping out from Lieutenant Hawkeye's grip and scrambling up the smooth armor of Alphonse's arm. It managed to make it to his shoulder and sat down promptly with a warning hiss at the woman that had dared tried to hold it. They both stared at the cat's behavior in shock before it lifted up a paw and began to meticulously clean itself- clearly ignoring them. Alphonse couldn't understand why this one would want to stay on him when all the other cats were scared of his loud, empty body… but, he began giggling with delight, probably the happiest he had been in years. Miss Hawkeye was quiet for another moment, something that resembled grief passing over her face before she began chuckling along with Alphonse, one hand held up to her mouth politely as she hid the emotion. It reminded him of how Mother was whenever they talked about Father.

The cat on his shoulder meowed and ran its nails against the hard metal, demanding more of his attention while Miss Hawkeye kept laughing, the sound beginning to sound more and more honest.

-

Edward certainly knew how to kill a man's buzz, crying so loudly for so long that Roy actually started feeling a little burn at the corner of his own eyes. But, Roy hadn't cried in a damn long time and he wasn't wasted enough to do so now. He had wanted another glass long ago, but had waited until Edward was finished…which had taken longer than Roy had first given credit. It seemed like it had been hours before Edward's cries finally broke down into simple tears. By the time he'd worn himself into an exhausted sleep, his hair had been straight and dry while Roy's shoulder was soaked with cooled saltwater. Roy had attempted to pull the blonde off and found him sticking. Edward had settled in for the night on Roy, regardless of whether he said the boy could or not. He was warm but heavy, small parts of his body gone numb from having the Full Metal Alchemist lay on him for so long. Feeling sober and tired himself, Roy dragged Edward's legs up despite the sleepy murmur that was made in protest and managed to get into a standing position.

Roy was damn glad he had decided to just carry Edward through the door and into the next room, because he honestly wouldn't have been able to make it any further unless he slung the boy over his shoulder like the awkward load he was. The auto-mail wasn't so heavy that Edward couldn't move, but he certainly had more muscle than most kids his age. Roy was honestly sweating and panting a bit by the time he got Edward in the bedroom, dumping the blonde hard on the bed and trying to regain his breath. The little snot didn't even wake up at the rough handling, so at ease that he heard snoring. Roy twisted his head down to glare hate at the oblivious State Alchemist, snorting at the lax and open expression on the boy's face. It made him look even _younger _than usual.

The small, vindictive streak in him couldn't forgive how sweet and undisturbed Edward looked right now, loose hands and long hair spread out on the pillow. Roy took the chance to get up and snatch the first-aid kit from the table…after taking one stiff drink to refresh the wonderful alcoholic numbness he had gained before stepping foot inside this damn place. He would be able to finish the bottle before he left, but he couldn't leave before making sure that Edward had been properly treated for all his injuries. And, besides, this way the boy wouldn't cry out when Roy used the antiseptic. He wasn't exactly careful about the handling of it, not particularly concerned with whether Edward woke up or not, wetting a cotton ball and applying liberal amounts of that burning disinfectant to more cuts on Edward's face, a scrapped elbow, and several other little abrasions that Edward had managed to gain. All in all, he was rather lucky. Roy had only seen two of the victims from many others that had been killed from such severe military initiations, and it had been more than enough to sicken him. He was rather relieved that this was it, that he still had a State Alchemist in one piece… because he was going to need a full and healthy body to scream at when Edward recovered. He could let the childish foolishness and stubbornness go for tonight, opening up Band-Aids and pasting them over the open wounds until he was satisfied. Roy left the wrappings on the floor along with the first-aid kit, leaving the cleaning to someone else. Edward should be thankful that he had even taken the time to do this favor, but he knew the smart-mouthed punk would never do so. No one had taken the time to teach the brat manners, and now he was too old to learn any better. It seemed the task was starting to fall on him by default, the superior officer directly responsible for the Elric brothers, and the only adult in this establishment that could make a decent role model. He leaned down, working the covers out from underneath the small frame and drawing them back over, making sure to tuck Edward in up to his chin like his own Mother always had.

He could never imagine actually being given the chance to have not just one son, but two, and then just abandoning them. The government had an ongoing search for the Hohenheim of Light, and had for years. Roy had barely thought about the man after he'd gone missing, never close in the first place. It had been a shock to receive a letter from the Elric sons when their mysterious father had never been known to take a lover, much less a wife. He hadn't even known how they would have gotten his address, the envelope beaten and worn from travelling so far, but the large, shaky handwriting and heartbreakingly simple grammar inside had made such details unimportant. Mom was really sick, and they needed Father to come home and see her. Roy had known damn well that Hohenheim of Light would likely never return in time for his wife's death, stuck imagining two boys left without any parents, any explanation why their Father wouldn't come back for his sons. He _had _to go answer the letter in person, and when he'd finally arrived… the Elric brothers had already become half a person; a boy without an arm and a leg, his younger brother without his original body. It was horrible circumstances to meet under, but Roy had known from the moment he laid eyes on Edward that the boy was going to be a great Alchemist one-day. It was best to get him under the leash of the military as soon as possible- which he was still doing his damnedest to accomplish. Edward was too headstrong and spirited for his own good, practically begging people to tease and fight with him. Roy had to admit that he derived a certain pleasure out of seeing Edward get red in the face and start screaming out the most amusing curses and insults because he couldn't think of anything else to say.

It was truly amazing that he could be so quiet, such a heavy sleeper that it bordered on unconsciousness. Roy might as well have left him on the floor and Edward wouldn't have cared. He had barely even lived so much as a portion of his life, but he'd already been through so much. He'd lost his mother, his father had been missing almost since he was born, he'd attempted the most taboo act known to man and Alchemists alike, lost his brother's body, half his own, and still had yet to loose the baby fat around his cheeks. How could Edward manage to be this peaceful when he slept when he had enough bad memories to make anyone wake up screaming every night? Roy put a hand to the side of Edward's face, even though there were no injuries to tend to anymore. His skin was soft and plushy, having yet to be stretched and sagged by age. Roy brushed ragged bangs aside, enveloped in his study. Edward hadn't allowed _anyone _to get this close before, at least, not to Roy's knowledge. He hadn't bothered to push the point, the tantrum the Full Metal Alchemist would throw not worth the effort. He had tried to take the time to get to know the boy, rather curious how he had ever been able to perform Alchemy in the first place, much less his near-miracle acts of Human Transmutation and transmutation without an array. Unfortunately, the only way Roy could be sure that he talked to Edward was to schedule him in an office appointment. So far, they had always seemed to land on a bad day when he was pressed for deadlines and could be better off spending his time signing papers than listening to an arrogant brat try to take a sarcastic tone with him. Edward should act a little more humble based on his height alone, still needing his giant of a brother to reach books from the upper shelves for him. How could someone so short have such a huge attitude and severe problem with authority? It was practically a crime that he could seem so harmless and innocent now, sleeping on like an unkempt angel. Roy finished smoothing back Edward's hair, telling himself that now was the time to leave, not to stare at the snub nose and parted lips. Roy was leaning down before he knew it, his body moving before his brain could kick in and call himself a complete fucking imbecile…but, it was already too late.

Roy found himself giving the most chaste kiss of his life, a gentle and short press of his own mouth to Edward's forehead. He had somehow managed to divert at the last minute, reminding himself just who he was and how old Edward was and how damn drunk he must be to be doing this. It was a mistake to apologize in the first place. Roy liked to appreciate others fully; but Edward was far too young and the wrong sex entirely. It didn't make sense for him to get so worked up over the little fuck, but Edward had a way to get right underneath his skin with only a few words. Very few people had the ability to piss Roy Mustang off, but the Full Metal Alchemist had been able to do so on a daily basis. He couldn't decide between wanting to slap the blonde stupid or something darker, something much worse. There had been times when there hadn't been any women to find on the battle lines and trenches they were hiding in. Sometimes men had been dying and wanted a little bit of comfort before they died. Roy's pretty face had helped some soldiers go easily, no worries about his reputation being ruining when his partner died soon after. Gay relationships were a strange thing of necessity in the military, since all they had was each other when they were being ordered to fight to their deaths in a strange land. Roy hadn't actively engaged in anything worse than a few last kisses for men that didn't want their final moments to be full of agony but, _damn_ if the eldest Elric couldn't make him think twice. Sadly enough, no matter what kind of thoughts were trying to take root in his head at last, Roy would do no more tonight. He had a few more years before he could even legally have these sorts of musings… frowning as he found yet another reason to hate Edward Elric. The little bastard had to start making him fall in love on top of everything else.

Roy decided to take his own thoughts as a cue to leave. He truly hoped that he blacked this all out in the morning. Why did he always have to have serious realizations when he was completely trashed? It was rather quick business to wrestle himself back into his coat, pull his gloves on, and find his hat; leaving the glass and bottle behind in the effort to escape the building. He had been suffocating underneath Edward's presence, even though the kid had been sleeping. He somehow demanded full attention _all _the time, because Roy was sure that if he glanced away for even a single moment, Edward would wind up doing something amazing yet again… or getting ass-deep in trouble. Roy had no reason to feel protective, to worry about the serious sort of danger that might not be ended so nicely next time, but after having his Full Metal Alchemist attacked and soundly beaten, Roy had gotten Edward's vulnerability and true age shoved in his face.

The moment he stepped off the porch and out into the crisp night air, Roy reached into his breast pocket and pulled out the pack of cigarettes there. He wasn't an active smoker, but he kept them on hand for his sporadic, somewhat frequent cravings. Right now, it was an outright _need _for the tobacco and nicotine. Roy didn't have to look for a lighter, snapping his fingers and the end of the stick flamed to life. He took one deep, steadying drag from cigarette and began walking back home, not glancing up at the magnificent, starry night sky above his head even once.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Many thanks to Cutelikabu and Iie Nome for beta-ing.

On those rare days where I –do- have the free time to read, I decided I was in the mood for Full Metal Alchemist… and found myself with a conundrum. There _wasn't _Roy/Ed shooting forth from the fanfic rectum.

This is a crime.

So, I tried to do it myself… and then realized that there is no possible way to get them together and keep true to the fma timeline. Hell, I already fucked it up halfway without even realizing it, so please, nobody ride my ass about continuity. I swore I would one-shot this, but if I want my smut there's only one solution…

Write a REAL One-shot PWP with Edward nice and legal instead of jailbait.

That would really be a crime.

(nods like I've done something right


	3. When it came out it went drip,drip,drip

Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist and characters belong to Arakawa Hiromu and Square Enix. Cough, now the warning about gay sex kicks in full . . . and a little magical noise to let you know Edward is older now. Still jail bait, but older.

He was hot.

He was tired.

He was bored out of mind.

Edward absolutely hated having to come back to Eastern Military Headquarters during the summer. Hanging around military headquarters all day wasn't pleasant at all in this heat, over-muscled, sweaty guys still running training exercises made twice as more disgusting by the sweltering waves heat coming up from the pavement. Even worse, Ed always had to keep his jacket on in order to hide his auto-mail. If they were on the road, far away from any government personnel, Edward would at least strip down to his tank top. Instead, he was stuck in being covered from neck to toe as usual. Even his hand was starting to sweat underneath the glove; the only coolness coming from his auto-mail which was responsible for this all. It made walking around impossible. He was unable to do anything more than melt down the chair he was sprawled in and weakly wave a fan against his face. He'd much rather be investigating another dead-end lead to the Philosopher's Stone than suffer through this weather any longer.

"Alphonse, what time is it?" Edward moaned out, vaguely nauseated and long since having sweat himself completely dry.

"Brother, it's only been five minutes since you last asked. If you're so bored, why don't we go _do _something?" Alphonse could whine better than he could when he wanted to. No doubt he was beginning to get bored as well. He wasn't even the military, and didn't have a reason to be there other than he always liked to be around Ed. He was thankful to have such a good brother, because Edward could always be stuck out here alone in the heat. Alphonse at least kept him company, and had even picked a discarded but in good shape fan from the ground and given it to Edward to use. He had to admit he hadn't put the thing down since, even though he barely had the strength to work it. He could only pant like a dog, sick and tired of waiting around for Roy Mustang to give him the time of day. Arrogant jerk.

It was times like these he could find himself jealous of his little brother's body, or lack of one. Alphonse felt no discomfort whatsoever, even though the leather straps on his armor were audibly sizzling as they cooked between the metal plates. Alphonse would just soak up every bit of sun and turn into one monster-sized frying pan, too heavy to safely sit on the porch for too long without breaking the floorboards. One bird had already made the mistake of trying to land on Alphonse while he stood just outside the shade and ended up flying away in a squawking mess with scorched feet and talons. Edward didn't dare move from the meager shade offered by the front porch of Roy Mustang's new office building. Of coursea Lieutenant Colonel couldn't afford to put a waiting room _inside_, though he had a relatively large-sized family home as a base of command. Ed was sure he hadn't even bothered with the matching set of chairs and coffee tables, but Hawkeye had set them up for the rest of the sorry bastards stuck underneath Mustang's authority. Roy hadn't even thought to mention that he'd been demoted to Lieutenant Colonel during the few phone calls Edward made to report in while he traveled; waiting until Ed had to ask for directions like some lost son who couldn't quite figure out where his father worked. Edward was already pissed enough about being ordered back to Central when he had been making some miniscule progress in finding out more about the Philosopher's Stones; but the smug ass had to sit there at a new desk, in a much more elegant room, with even more medals glinting on his breast pocket. And Edward had thought the man had gone down in rank.

Needless to say, the first time he spoke face to face with Mustang was filled with screaming and cursing until he'd been dismissed coldly. It wouldn't seem like punishment to anyone who didn't know better, but now Edward had to wait around all day long until the Lieutenant Colonel finally had time to see him. He was damn sure that Mustang was doing his best to actually work for once, and was probably going to end up avoiding their meeting until the handsome bastard left for home after a hard day's work. What he didn't know was that Edward was using all this time to think up something delightfully horrible to pay him back for this. Edward _hated _the heat.

"I can't stand this anymore! I've gotta go take a piss," Edward announced angrily at last, snapping the fan shut and shoving it into his front pocket. He would have much preferred to toss the thing away completely, but knew he'd end up regretting it rather quickly. _Damn _the sun and the cloudless sky, not a chance of the weather changing for the next couple of weeks. Ed wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

"If you have to go to the bathroom, that's fine; but, do you have to say it like that?" Alphonse chided him, never one for foul language.

"Damn straight I do. It gets the fucking point across," Edward couldn't help teasing Al, rather used to playing the bully with his painfully sweet and polite little brother. He was sure that if Alphonse had a face, it would be frowning right now. He might have even stuck his tongue out at him. As it was, his little brother's temporary body sizzled angrily at him, sunlight glinting off his armor and blinding Ed. Sometimes it was hard to remember that Alphonse was several years younger than him but acted so responsibly on top of being several feet taller. Not that Edward was jealous of his height; which was made blatantly apparent every time someone assumed that Alphonse was the older brother or the real Full Metal Alchemist. Just what did size have to do with age? That shriveled up old hag Pinako was shorter than he was, and she was long since past double digits for her birthdays. If he got one more line from Mustang about being so small that he'd just been accidentally looked over, he was _really _going to kill the man.

"Will you just go already? Or do you want me to come along and watch?" Alphonse cut off his very serious grumbling with this superior tone in his voice that made Edward want to smack him one. If only it wouldn't hurt his hand more than it would Alphonse. The heat could still make his little brother unpleasant, even if he didn't have a body. Edward ended up being the one making a face at Alphonse, who returned with a heavy and put-upon sigh that just ended up being so much more mature. Edward was painfully aware of the fact he was stomping as he tromped back inside the building, but it was already too late to try and redo his exit. At least now he was inside, where there was blessed air-conditioning. Immediately Edward let out a cry of relief, picking up his jacket and flapping out the hot air trapped between his clothes as he walked through the hallway.

This time the walls were a nice, plain cream and bare of those horrible military portraits that Mustang seemed to have a penchant for. Edward had a sneaking suspicion that was just because the man hadn't had the time to hang them yet. There was endless red carpet covering all the floors, as if visitors weren't already aware of the fact they were coming in to meet the Flame Alchemist. Edward avoided the large and polished wood stairs that led up to Mustang's office, even though he would have liked to go up there and demand to know just what the hell was taking so long. After nearly three whole months of being allowed to search for the Philosopher's Stone in any place with any methods he pleased, Edward thought Mustang had _finally_ realized what a genius he was and was beginning to treat him as such. Instead, he got a short and curt telegram at the train station ordering him to report in person out in East City; and when he finally got there, he was ignored like a child that was being punished. Edward had promised to give the Lieutenant Colonel until five o'clock to finally call him back in and apologize- but one second after that, he was going to punch Mustang right in the nose. Then, Ed would really be able to savor the moment and nobody would be able to argue with him. It was just rude to leave a State Alchemist waiting around all day, especially one of his status.

Edward found the bathroom without any problems, the sign on the door directing him into the building's male facilities. It reeked of a strong cleanser, the tiles, urinals, and sinks by no means new but ruthlessly cleaned until it would seem so. There was a large metal grate over the long mirror above the sinks, and Edward eagerly ran to stand directly in front of the flow, arms spread out wide to catch all that he could. He forgot that he was still supposed to be pissed off, appreciating the cool air so much more when he knew what awaited him when he went back outside. Ed stood there for so long that he eventually became cold again, sneezing in the middle of a desert city as he finally caught a chill with goosebumps breaking out on his arms. Comfortable at last, Edward finally turned around to one of the empty urinals and got about his business.

He had to remove a glove, stripping off the left with his teeth and holding it in his mouth while he undid his zipper with his auto-mail. Edward had learned how to take a leak one-handed long ago, finding the metal of his own artificial hand too foreign and awkward to use on the most intimate body part still left to him. He pulled his dick out with his real hand, adjusting his feet before breathing out heavily through his nose as he emptied his bladder. Edward closed his eyes in relief, not really thinking about anything as the sound of his own piss filled up the bathroom.

"Oh, Full Metal. You're still around?" came the most abhorrent, scornful and conceited voice possible. It was too awful to be real; Edward slowly twisted his neck around to see Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang leaving one of the few private stalls on the opposite wall. He was pulling his belt through the loop and fastening it tight, surprisingly casual in the bathroom before the heavy military uniform dropped back down to cover his waist. Edward tried to snap out something smart about being made to wait for so long, but only made a squeaking noise as he discovered he had forgotten to breathe somewhere along the line, teeth digging in hard to the glove as he panicked. Edward felt blood rushing to his face, a blush coming in no matter how hard he fought, even his ears beginning to burn as he snapped his head back down. There wasn't even a good reason why he should suddenly be so embarrassed, but Edward wanted to just get the hell out of here. He was trapped though, unable to give in to the instinct to just run away as long as he was still peeing.

He heard Mustang walking closer, felt the man's overbearing presence stabbing into his shoulder blades as he silently screamed at his bladder to finish up. He _had_ wanted to get Mustang alone so he could really beat his superior officer up good, but not under these circumstances. What was he supposed to do while he was caught with his fly down? It just wasn't fair that the Lieutenant Colonel always found him in the most humiliating situation possible! Edward was never able to look the man in the face without recalling the time he'd been trapped underneath two strangers, crying, scared to death of what he now was old enough to know _could _have happened. He had nearly been raped before Roy had walked in. Those few minutes had been enough to give him nightmares for years afterward, even if it seemed like he'd gotten off lucky. It had taken Edward a long time to understand why Mustang had gotten so angry and killed those men without a single word, but after reading the old reports about the Ishibal Civil Conflict had informed him about a few things that he would have rather never known. The cold, emotionless recounts of an entire nation being slaughtered by an enemy that had a greater fighting capacity. Mustang's name had popped up a few times during some of the most terrible and violent combats, noted for excellence in battle and strategic judgement. It was odd to have to read about the man and the success he had during his younger years in the military. He'd still been over a decade older than Edward was now, and his age had doubled since. The Lieutenant Colonel wasn't a particularly old man, but when Edward wound up comparing himself to Mustang like usual there was a pretty large gap between them. It only seemed to be getting further as Mustang kept climbing up in rank, still able to order him around no matter how much fame he gathered as a State Alchemist.

By some small miracle, Edward finished at last, shaking himself out with violent desperation before Mustang walked around to the sinks where he'd be able to see everything. He went to zip his pants up and felt a warm, solid weight press up against his back. A chill went down Edward's spine as Mustang hunched over his shoulder to peek down at his groin. He mouth dropped open in shock at the invasion of personal space, the glove falling quietly before Mustang caught it with a shrewd hand and shoved it into Edward's own jacket pocket,

"Well, it's good to know you're not small everywhere," drawled out a smug, warm mouth against the outer curve of Edward's ear, his lips brushing against skin every so often. Edward hadn't even known he was ticklish there before now. Nobody had ever dared to get this close!

"Ju- just where do you think you're looking?" Edward had trouble controlling his voice, from keeping his hands from snapping over his groin like some virgin who actually had something to be upset about. He just jerked his head around, getting some satisfaction when his braid hit Roy across the chest. He couldn't really punch his superior officer, but at least he was managing to hit him in some form.

"Right here," Roy answered without any hesitation, his hand dipping down further to confidently brush Edward's aside and seize up his exposed genitals in one loose fist. His fingers were warm and soft, not the rough and callused things Edward would have suspected from the Flame Alchemist. He gasped as his brain seemed to short-circuit at the touch, so many reactions wanting to happen that he simply overloaded. He _should_ either be running away or kicking the Lieutenant Colonel where it would count, but instead he just went horribly still while the taller man pressed up against him. It was like he was frozen to the spot, even though Roy was much too warm and heavy against him. Edward could have easily broken free, if he could just make his body actually move instead of starting to tremble. He wanted so badly to say that it was because of fear, but that wasn't what was making his stomach clench up and try to crawl out his throat. There was simply no fucking _way _that he held any sort of respect or . . . or something else . . . for the smug bastard who liked to switch between berating him down in front of other officers, playing hero that expected to be paid for his efforts, and on rare occasions was quiet and perceptive when Edward needed to talk to another Alchemist about the taboo of Human Transmutation. He could never predict the Lieutenant Colonel, who flip-flopped between a decent human being and a complete asshole, just like now.

"Have you even tried touching yourself yet?" Mustang asked curiously, his voice so undeniably rich and deep that Edward just wanted him to shut up. Why would he have to start a conversation when he was beginning to lightly run his fingers around Edward's length, squeezing and twisting with a bizarre delicateness? He wasn't some blushing, inexperienced fool when it came to shit like this! Edward had been kissed a few times, though they had all been from women or Winry, who was so much like a sister that it couldn't really count. He had even tried masturbating before, usually a shameful and quiet moment in the bathroom while Alphonse studied or went outside to train, because sometimes there just was no other way to relieve the stress. Some nights he was so tired that all he wanted to do was sleep, but his mind refused to give up as it grappled with the theories and arrays he'd memorized earlier. Just go into the bathroom and run his real fingers over wrinkled and responsive skin, stroke the spots that were more receptive than others, jerk off into the toilet, use some tissue to clean everything up, and flush it away like nothing had happened.

It was an entirely different thing when it wasn't his own hand.

"You think . . . I'm some kind of virgin?" And he was. It was just that Roy didn't need to know that, since the smug bastard was sure to tease him about it. Edward proud of managing to get out one sentence in this state of affairs. His auto-mail found Mustang's arm and gears tightened up with enough force to bruise soft, malleable human flesh. It didn't seem to bother Mustang in the slightest, who just flicked his thumb hard across the hypersensitive opening at the tip. Edward's thighs clenched together beyond his control, hissing out a nearly pained breath as he began to feel the blood rush to his groin. He didn't know how to fight against something that could feel so good. He should be offended, should be yelling at the perverted Lieutenant to back the hell off, not throwing his head back at the sensations rushing through him. Edward bit his tongue to stay silent, determined not to give Mustang the satisfaction of making him moan.

That pledge was washed away just as quickly as it had been made in a haze of white when Roy's other hand slipped around to cup his balls. Edward was distantly aware of the one hand being slightly cooler than the other was but doing just as fabulous things. His lungs forced air out in a strange way, noisy and wanton no matter what kind of reasonable thought he tried to muster together. How was he supposed to stay together when Mustang was completely draped over his backside and playing around in the front? Edward could only grip Mustang's arm harder, not sure if it was to stop the man or keep him from backing up. The Lieutenant Colonel knew exactly what he was doing when it came to the intimate play, nothing but a warm support as Edward went slack and unsteady at his ministrations. He was old enough to know what he wanted, and the trembling rush of pleasure developing between his legs only seeming to develop into something more powerful. Flesh leapt to life inside Roy's expert hands; Edward suddenly able to sympathize with all the other women that Mustang had reputedly been a brief companion too . . .

Edward's eyes snapped open at that thought, realizing just how many other lovers Roy had- probably was involved with right now! Was he supposed to be able to compare to that that somehow? He hadn't even had sex yet, with neither a girl nor man, be him a commanding officer or not. Roy Mustang hadn't shown this sort of interest in him before! Why would he show such a sudden change in attitude? Edward didn't have anything special to offer, other than his natural genius at alchemy. He had never had time for a relationship before, wasn't sure how they were supposed to go, and he was more than certain that Mustang didn't have a clue either. For the Lieutenant Colonel to be in a long-term relationship would truly signal the end of the world. Was Edward supposed to be any different just because he worked with the man?

"Get off me!" Edward demanded, ignoring the throbbing heat that the Flame Alchemist had managed to create out of his own dick . . . There was no denying that it was a full-fledged erection now, hard and bobbing in between Roy's hand.

"I don't want to. Just be a good boy, Edward," he ordered softly in a way that shouldn't have been so convincing. Mustang _never _used his first name. It was always 'Full Metal' or 'that loud-mouthed shrimp.' It was shocking enough to shut Edward up while Roy awkwardly leaned in and planted a kiss on top of his wide-open mouth. It should have been awful, just because it was from behind and that had to be a bad direction. Mustang shouldn't have been so good at pressing his lips down firmly, pliant flesh able to be so hard and demanding at his will. Edward would have melted down into the floor if the Lieutenant Colonel weren't holding him up with a solid arm around his waist. The other hand was continuing to pump Edward's heated erection, fingers tracing along veins and kneading into his testicles. His hips were starting to move forward rhythmically against his will, pulled forward by Mustang's administrations. Edward growled up into Roy's mouth as it lingered over his own, tears of frustration forming at the corner of his eyes. This shouldn't have felt so damn good!

Roy said his name . . . or at least something that sounded like it. All it took was one heavy syllable from the man to have Edward coming explosively against the smooth tile of the urinal with his own cry. The orgasm took over his whole body, his hand and leg still jerking even as Edward slowly regained control of his faculties. The only reason he was remaining on his feet was because his auto-mail knee had locked up.

A heavy sigh as Edward settled back into himself, alone and slightly mortified at where his own fantasy had taken him. There was just absolutely no reason for him to like Roy Mustang in the slightest.

It was illogical, unexplainable, was just plain wrong.

He shouldn't feel this way about a man, not one so much older and completely out of his league. Edward wouldn't have a fighting chance . . . _if _he even cared enough to try. The Lieutenant Colonel could continue to sleep with numerous women and a few sickeningly pretty men and die of some nauseating disease for all Edward cared. The bastard deserved it for always treating him so coldly- so why the fuck couldn't he stop thinking about him! It was this fucking weather, that had to be it. Edward's brains were boiling inside his skull from being forced to stand outside for so long. He should be dreaming about beautiful, mysterious women like Psiren, not that egotistical bastard with his damned wit and sarcasm.

"Whoa, unbelievable! I'd hate to see someone on the receiving end of that! You might kill a girl . . ." broke in yet another unexpected voice. Hughes was standing there with both hands on his hips, the door still swinging open from his entrance, glancing between the sperm beginning to drip down and Edward's own softening penis like the overbearing and proud father he was. Maes was grinning far too widely underneath his glasses, looking down at Edward from the greater height that he just didn't deserve. The blush Edward had dreamed about giving to Roy came back in full, gasping as he realized he was still standing there like an idiot. Hughes chuckled at his flustered inability to do a damned thing, too embarrassed to even think properly.

". . . or a Lieutenant Colonel?" Maes asked with a leering smile that made Edward see red.

* * *

Alphonse didn't know why Edward always had to be such a pain. He was _supposed _to be the older brother and set a good example, but it almost always came out the complete opposite. He had thought that becoming a State Alchemist would make Edward grow up a little bit, but Alphonse should have known better than to hold such childish thoughts. His brother was a hopeless mess when it came to anything outside of alchemy. Edward was no better than any other street punk, his use of profanity was terrible, he didn't have the slightest bit of common courtesy or manners, tended to break refined pieces of art instead of admire them, and always talked too loud in front of other people. It didn't matter what Alphonse said, because his older brother had stopped listening to him long ago. Edward had always been the one in charge, and it didn't matter how many years passed since Mother first died. Alphonse would always be the crybaby that had become scared of the dark along with everything else in the world in the days following her funeral. Edward had to replace her, petting Alphonse's hair with chubby hands and awkwardly attempting the same lullabies Mother had sung to them in a such a horrible voice that Alphonse couldn't help but start laughing. But, those times had been very long ago, and the memories growing more and more distant as time passed. 

Alphonse guessed it was because there was no way to tell that he was getting older. He didn't have a body that was maturing; his voice didn't go through an awful period of squeaky change to something deeper like Edward's had. The only thing that showed his age was the scratches, knicks, and dents he had collected across the once smooth and polished steel of his armor. Alphonse put his gloved fingers against the surface of his breastplate, feeling nothing even though he saw heat waves radiating off the metal. Edward didn't like to get close to him when they got stuck out in hot weather like the kind currently scorching East City.

The door to the looming building slammed open, a man of average height and inescapably handsome features filling up the whole porch immediately with his presence. The Co . . . Lieutenant Colonel, Alphonse corrected him about the change in rank that had happened while they were out travelling, was a man that demanded attention no matter what anyone might desire otherwise. Alphonse noted with disappointment that he was alone, Lieutenant Hawkeye missing from her usual spot behind him. She was really the only thing that made Mustang bearable, constantly apologizing and cleaning up after the mess the Lieutenant Colonel left behind. Alphonse could easily sympathize with her, always forced to be polite enough to cover for his brother's antics. Edward seemed to honestly believe there was nothing wrong in ignoring other people, tricking or lying to them. Alphonse had his hands full just making sure Edward didn't make anyone _else_ angry.

"Alphonse. Where's Full Metal?" demanded Roy Mustang, his question able to cut right through him, even though Alphonse didn't even have a body. He looked irritated, but that was usual for the stern officer. Alphonse had his own belief that the man had simply forgotten how to smile and didn't care to relearn. He had no idea why Edward would be placed underneath this man's command when Mustang was already such a troublemaker himself. Put the two of them together and they constantly butted heads, like they were always stuck in a battle to see who could do the worst. There was nothing he could say to get his older brother to behave with a little more composure around the Lieutenant Colonel; he had it hard enough just standing outside with a complaining Edward waiting for Mustang to finally show up.

"You didn't see him inside? He just went to- . . . uh . . ." Alphonse trailed off as he realized that Mustang might not want to hear this. Edward probably wouldn't want him talking about his older brother's bodily functions either, not in front of the Lieutenant Colonel at least. Edward could be so _touchy_ when it came to Mustang, though Alphonse personally didn't see why. Edward would constantly yell out how much he hated that 'stupid son of a bitch,' which was the nicest way Alphonse had ever heard Edward refer to the man, and yet was incredibly concerned with the Lieutenant Colonel's opinion of him. When Edward didn't like people, he usually avoided them or started outright fights- not hang around for the better half of a day just waiting for the man to make room in his schedule for them at last. Alphonse personally thought it was rude and they should have left hours ago, instead of leaving him to get stuck alone with Mustang. The timing was so horrible that it went to show how alike the two were.

"Well?" Mustang snapped impatiently, never giving Alphonse long enough to speak before he was already interrupting. He was tapping a finger on his arm, as if he was keeping count of just how much of his time Alphonse was wasting. He forgot whatever he had been trying to explain, left there stammering and shifting about, sure that he was only making Edward look bad by association. He was the little brother after all, and Edward was supposed to be a State Alchemist. They all had important roles to play, even the villain as Roy Mustang began to audibly growl in frustration.

Oddly so, there was a slight hush throughout the base, like a storm gathering . . .

A section of the wall glowed briefly with the light of an alchemy reaction before it promptly exploded outward. Smoldering and shattered bits of woodwork along with thick smoke went flying through the air that was blowing hard with the force of the blast. Something human sized came shooting out and rolled far away on the road, the spreading debris too thick to see through. Roy and Alphonse both gaped at the sudden damage, the Flame Alchemist's jaw dropping open while Alphonse creaked nervously. He had a terrible suspicion he knew exactly who had caused this as the hole in first floor wall grew bigger while the body finally came to a stop. Alphonse could make out Maes Hughes, half-flattened against the pavement, scorched and still smoking with his legs and arms in awkward tangles that must surely be broken.

"You _better_ not be alive after that, YOU FUCKING SPY!"

Alphonse moaned at Edward's familiar voice crying out so loudly that Winry must have heard it all the way back in Rizenbul. The short figure stomping out from the new opening in the building contrasted sharply with all the wanton destruction he had caused. Edward was obviously pissed off, his braid bristling like a cat's tail as he waved a fist at Hughes threateningly. There was no motion from the man, and Edward stomped off without another glance, kicking up even more dirt in his wake. Alphonse relaxed a bit now that his brother was at least walking away from whatever fight he had picked this time, even though Mustang looked ready to chase Edward down and was desperately trying not to. It would probably just be better if they all pretended this had never happened.

A support beam fell out heavily from the wall, no longer able to hang on as more plaster and wires came crashing down. There was frightened yelling as a secretary behind her desk saw the side of building go to show the inside of her office. Mustang was too overwhelmed at the Full Metal Alchemist's antics to say anything as Alphonse chased off after his brother to find out just what had happened.

"Oh, _Roy_, have I got something to tell you," Hughes sang out in a happy voice, waving one functioning hand to signal that he had survived the explosion when Edward was a safe enough distance away. Roy was still stuck there with his jaw clenching spasmodically as he tried to think of words that would cover this. More people were coming, drawn by the noise and smoke beginning to rise up, some of them his own men discovering half of their very clean and spacious new facilities had been transmutated into a massive detonation. Edward's temper was just as short as he was, and they all ended up having to pay the price for it.

"Carry me to a doctor and I'll share!" Hughes bartered with him, like Roy would actually be interested in whatever had caused this latest scene. He didn't know why he had ended up with a friend like Maes, or a subordinate like Edward Elric. Roy didn't need Full Metal going around, showing off his violent and powerful abilities in the middle of a military base. He was going to catch someone's eye sooner or later, and the boy didn't listen to him well enough for Roy to protect him.

"I'm going to _kill _that brat," Roy finally managed out through his teeth, making useless fists as he did his best to remain calm. There was already a relative crowd gathering around, a whole squadron of men in the middle of running exercises pausing to gape at the damage. He could already hear Edward's name going through the people coughing on the smoke and dust that had come inside of the building.

"Why don't we just hold off on that for now? How about I just medicate myself and we go get something to drink?" Hughes asked as he picked himself up into a sitting position, brushing off his uniform and fixing a pair of now-broken glasses. His face had a few scrapes on it and there would be bruises tomorrow no doubt, but Hughes was remarkably unharmed after the Full Metal Alchemist had attacked him head on. Roy could understand the need for drink, having recently come into the habit of keeping a bottle of whiskey underneath his desk in case of such emergencies. Edward Elric was going to put him in an early grave; he could just feel it. Even so, Roy frowned at the idea since it was still the middle of the afternoon and it seemed like he had been drinking an awful lot more than usual lately. Edward had also been destroying more military property since coming back. Today was just getting longer and longer.

" . . .And _I'll _pay," Hughes sighed out after a moment's pause, knowing Roy so well that it impressed him from time to time. Maes may usually act the idiot, but Intelligence didn't hire loudmouthed family men without good reason. Nobody suspected Hughes of anything when he was flashing around pictures of his daughter, or thought that the hopelessly lame joker could possess any sort of insight or sharp wit. He was thankful that Hughes was still on his side,

"Well, let's go. Do you need some help walking?" Roy was immediately nothing but friendly concern as he offered a hand for Hughes to climb up on.

* * *

Edward walked for a quite a while, straight through the gates at the entrance and the hell away from the military. He was too angry to even see where he was going, marching forward on instinct alone. People were smart enough to avoid him when he was wearing such a fierce expression, forced to move around in this heat and start sweating _again_. He already had enough of East City, wanted to get the fuck out of here! He would have to kill Hughes before he left though; it was too late to go back and make sure he really had done the job right after the scene he'd made. Just thinking about it made his ears burn, remembering how Hughes had leaned in and shattered the fantasy Edward hadn't even meant to have. It was so embarrassing the only choice he had was to kill the witness. Roy was going to be forced to make time for him now, even if it was just to yell at him for this latest bout of destruction. 

He hated that snide Lieutenant Colonel. He _really _did.

"Brother!" Alphonse's cry was barely heard over the increasingly loud racket of an empty suit of armor running to catch up with him. Ed stopped in his tracks, waiting in sullen silence for Al to catch up before continuing on the same manner down the sidewalk. Alphonse knew better than to try talking to him when he got into one of these moods, but just followed in a concerned hover as Edward went to the closest safe haven he knew of.

Ironically enough, there was a large, public park nearby the military base, full of gigantic, ancient trees and well-tended gardens as if to hide the fact guerrilla exercises were held on the field behind it. Just getting off the sidewalk and onto the fine gravel that paved many intimate and hidden paths through the park as well as a main walk was change enough. At least there was plenty of shade here; and more importantly, a small food stand nestled into the subtle curving of the gentle hills that had been left untouched, unlike the leveled ground of East City. There were tables and benches scattered about a porch for sitting, chairs pulled together for a large gathering that had left long ago, and Alphonse left to go find the one bench that actually supported his weight. He was familiar with the place as well, and was used to the drill. Edward went straight to the counter underneath a wooden veranda for the rare days when it actually rained in this part of the country, his foul state of mind almost completely forgotten as he walked into the range of the large fan cooling the area around the register. His happy sighing alerted the owner to her new customer, glancing up with welcoming eyes.

"Well, if it isn't Full Metal! Haven't seen you around lately, but I've heard plenty," called out an elderly woman who seemed just as old as this place, wrinkled and hunched over an open magazine on the countertop. Edward hadn't asked her age, but she reminded him of Aunt Pinako in a way. She had worked here since the first day Edward had come to East City and discovered this secret hideout. The military tended to avoid this park, since it was so close to the base after all- and most of the officers preferred the numerous bars lining the streets. This old woman would probably actually get some business if she started selling beer, but Edward appreciated the fact that she didn't. He wouldn't get bothered in a place like this, except by Alphonse.

"I'm sure it's all been good, too," Edward had to strain to make his voice sound friendly. He really did need to go back and kill Hughes before the man did something stupid. Like tell someone. It was embarrassing enough that the man had found him jerking off in the middle of the bathroom like some horny teen that just couldn't wait a moment longer. At least Edward was sure he hadn't been making any inappropriate noises, always sure to bite down on his own tongue in habit, just like how he kept Alphonse from hearing him any other time. Hughes liked to embellishing things though, that dirty, rotten liar. It was no wonder he and Lieutenant Colonel Mustangs were such good friends.

"I know you've been keeping rather busy. I should start advertising that the Elric brothers like my shop," she laughed, finally closing up her magazine to really look at him over a thick set of glasses. They weren't on a first name basis, but she recognized his face and the generous tips he always left behind. Edward didn't have much need for the mind boggling amounts a State Alchemist got paid for every job, unless it was to fund his own research. Material things had always been kept at a minimum, enough to throw into a suitcase and travel around with easily. Alphonse didn't need to eat or buy new clothes either, the only hassling being that they had to find shelter big enough for both Alphonse and him. He was still waiting around for the satisfaction of the woman commenting on how much he'd grown since his last visit to her shop; hell, even Roy had gotten just a little bit shorter to him. It didn't really make a difference though, because Ed was still the smallest person walking around on base even including the women.

"I don't know if that would cause you more trouble or not, grandma," Edward finally warned her at last, worried the old woman might actually be serious. Along with his fame had come enemies. More than Edward could even keep count of, so he just didn't. Let someone _try _to take on the Full Metal Alchemist and not learn to regret it. It was a different thing for some quiet lady that was probably planning to die in this dusty old shop. Edward didn't want to see her get hassled by some punks who wanted to send him a message.

"You're right, I wouldn't want some mangy military dogs messing up the place. You're a nice enough pup, though."

Edward gritted his teeth to keep from jumping over the counter and throttling the old woman. She had managed to insult his age and height in one quick blow, but he eventually let it slide. He wasn't ready for another verbal wrestling contest after dealing with Roy Mustang once today. Certainly not after Hughes had completely humiliated him in the bathroom. It was too fucking hot to do anything other than smile and order.

Edward didn't care how childish it might seem to others. There was nobody around to tease him, at least no one that he would care about. On a blistering day like this, nothing was better than an ice cream cone.

"Is . . . Is anything bothering you, brother?" Alphonse asked when Edward finally joined him, falling into an empty chair in front of his brother and kicking his legs up onto the bench beside Al. He knew what his little brother was really asking, too polite and considerate to phrase it any differently. _Why did you go fucking nuts back there, you bean-sized idiot?_ Would Alphonse even be able to understand the explanation Edward gave him? His little brother only had solid steel as a body, hadn't gone through the same changes as Ed. He didn't know what it was like to have a damn nuisance like hormones. Edward wished he had been able to restrain himself in the bathroom, but he had been so weary from waiting for stupid Roy Mustang while he slow-roasted on the front porch his brain must have turned off. Yet another foolish, obvious mistake to add to the list.

"Nothing other than the usual," Edward replied at last, taking the first lick of plain vanilla and enjoying the freezing sweetness so much it should be a crime.

"The Lieutenant Colonel?"

Edward started at that, forgetting how damn observant Alphonse could be sometimes. He thought he would be able to blame everything on Hughes, since the annoying bastard had been the one Edward sent flying, but his little brother saw right through that to the heart of matters. Giving up his body had seemed to give Alphonse a better sense about people than Edward, who spent far too much time reading and researching on the Philosopher's Stone to concern himself with silly things like human interaction. He would get Alphonse's body back, and he cared little for what he had to do to obtain it.

"I told you before, I don't want to talk about that asshole," Edward made it an order. They had this conversation before, every single time he got into an argument with the Lieutenant Colonel or got reprimanded for acting on his own. Roy Mustang got under his skin and stayed there, able to irritate him worse than any other. It had become a challenge that Edward couldn't back down from- determined to one day get the better of that narcissistic and smug Flame Alchemist.

Alphonse went quiet, seeing the futility of trying to reason with Edward. He was thankful that he didn't have to answer any more questions about Roy Mustang. All he wanted to do was enjoy one single freaking scoop of ice cream in the shade above this deserted and calm shop, but there was no way to relax now that Al had got him thinking about that bastard all over again. He switched the cone to his auto-mail, Winry's awesome workmanship proven yet again when the machinery didn't crush it. Edward reached into the inside pocket of his coat with his left hand, fishing out a pack of cigarettes and a book of matches. He pulled out a stick and set the rest down on the table, putting it between his lips and picking up the matches before pausing as he realized his dilemma.

"Al, would you- . . ."

"Forget it, I'm not helping you smoke," Alphonse immediately refused him without even letting Edward finish his sentence, armor creaking and looking quite menacing as he crossed his arms and glared down at him.

"Come on, it's been a long day," Edward pleaded, holding up the ice cream for Alphonse to take so he could light a match. It had been hard enough to get a hold of the things in the first place, nobody wanting to sell to a boy that looked a day over twelve, with or without a State Alchemist's watch. Edward wasn't a serious smoker by far . . . it was only when he was around Mustang that he got uncontrollable nicotine cravings. When Edward finally broke down and just went crazy from all the stress, they could blame that slave driver of a Lieutenant Colonel.

"It's the middle of the afternoon, and you've done nothing but sit around waiting for Mustang to call your name!" Alphonse snapped back angrily, obviously just as fed up with the waiting as Edward had been. That was still no reason for him to take that sort of tone with his older brother- or accuse him of being some admiring idiot that was hoping to snatch up a bit of attention.

"I am not! He _ordered _me to stay there," Edward returned bitterly. Like he would have stayed there for so long without a damn good reason! He could care less for Mustang's commands! Alphonse had scampered along behind him after he stomped out of the military grounds, hadn't he! That was clear disobedience, along with the smoking hole he left in the bathroom wall. Al had been there before then too, waiting those long, agonizing hours in the insufferable heat with nothing to do. If it didn't have to do with the Philosopher's Stone, their lives were actually quite dull and empty. There was no time to cultivate hobbies and such when they were working so hard at gaining their bodies back.

"Does it really matter if he 'orders' you or not?" Alphonse turned it into a question that Edward didn't want to answer. He didn't _have _to explain anything to his little brother when it came to his job. It wasn't just because his Lieutenant Colonel was a lazy, incurable skirt-chaser that could somehow still manage to be charismatic and composed when the moment called for it. And that awful, biting, and sudden sarcasm! Edward was always left without a return insult, outsmarted and humiliated yet again. Roy practically made a sport out of it, like his workday would be incomplete if he didn't cause Edward some kind of trouble. Even Alphonse was adding to it now, pushing at what he should just leave alone.

"Fuck, Al, why does it matter so much to you? Are you in love with the bastard or something?" Edward spat out; the scorn in his words enough to strip the polish from Al's armor. His brother was completely unfazed, not so much as a single twitch throughout that monstrously huge armor.

"Are _you_?"

"Ye-_NO!_" Edward corrected himself immediately, expecting something else from Alphonse than that baited question. But, the damage had already been done as Al sat back in clinking satisfaction. His tongue had answered before his brain had caught up, and now that was that.

Alphonse, one.

Edward, zero.

He put the cigarette down on the table for afterwards, forced to finish his ice cream cone first.

* * *

" . . . And that's pretty much all I know," Hughes finished his story and his glass at the same time, leaving Roy to stare forward at the bottles stacked up behind the bar and soak in the information. The ice cubes in his own drink were beginning to melt, clinking as they fell lower . . . just like him. Roy knew that his ambition to become Fuhrer would be hard to fulfill, but he hadn't expected so many damn nuisances along the way. The military had it's own twisted sense of politics, with old men stuck in old traditions and old ways of thinking. Roy had made some important friends, but it seemed there were too many enemies around him as well. Roy could imagine this was something like how Edward must feel, chafing underneath the command of his superior officers. A bunch of simple-minded fools, sitting around on their asses and only concerned with getting richer. The military wasn't supposed to be about reputations and money, it was about protecting the country and making sure wars like the ones Mustang had fought in never happened again. 

He was drunk. He either got angry or depressed out of his mind when he passed from a pleasant buzz into inebriation, and tonight was definitely one to be upset on. He had enough troubles of his own maintaining this new position in East City, silently waiting for his chance to strike back. Roy Mustang had a very good memory when it came to those who had slighted him. He was going to climb up in rank, no matter what he had to do, even if he was now barely clinging to a Lieutenant Colonel. It all just meant that his power and ability had been recognized as a serious threat, which was why he had been sent out of Central before he could gain any more allies. Now he was stuck out in East City, in an ill lit bar with one of his _few_ friends.

It was still a comfortable enough atmosphere, the distant crack of pool balls coming from the other side of the room. Roy and Hughes had both eagerly shoved off their jackets and hung them on the back of their stools, Roy even unbuttoning his undershirt a slight bit and rolling up his sleeves for some serious drinking. Maes had been generously supplying round after round along with the inside information he had managed to gain in some low-class city like this, providing the company Roy needed to truly relax in. This was just what he needed after getting his office renovated ala Edward Elric, the snot-nosed, smart-assed midget. He hadn't done anything to deserve that monster child under his command, but he was sure it could always be worse. Imagine the horror of Edward receiving a promotion above him. That was enough for Roy to forcibly turn his brain off and start drinking. Maes even gave him a cigarette, which Roy didn't even know he had wanted until it was offered. He was _so _damn lucky to have the man around sometimes.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" Hughes asked with a feline smile.

Roy knew immediately he didn't like whatever thought had gotten inside Hughes' little brain. He had to be careful with his words around him, since Hughes could see deeper to the things that that a man hadn't meant to reveal. Hughes was someone that could get inside his head and figure out exactly how he worked, if given the chance. Roy personally didn't like the thought of anyone getting to know him like that, even if it was a good, trusted friend. Roy had learned long ago that such things truly existed in this world. He was sure that Hughes still had secrets that he would never tell Roy either; they acknowledged and respected the other's private affairs. All Hughes needed to know is that one day he would be Fuhrer.

"About what?" Roy demanded tiredly, not about to play games. He had agreed to come to this dirty bar that he would like to say he was unfamiliar with only to relax. Cigarette smoke made a nice haze, heightened by the dim lighting and shadowy corners built into the walls. Two men in uniform were definitely out of place in a joint like this, where crime was obviously being conducted. The bartender even had a scar on his face, a charming monster of man as he hulked about behind the counter. Roy and Hughes had made a nice spot on the bar, a bucket of ice to keep the back-up bottle of wine cold and also use for their current drinks. Roy hefted up his own forgotten one from a random pattern of wet rings he had already made on the surface; swirling around the contents and watching them mix before taking a sip.

"Edward," Hughes tossed the name out like a bomb, not even batting an eye while Roy choked and spat back into his glass gracelessly. Why did he always have to bring up the one subject Roy was trying to avoid? He had left with Hughes to forget about his current problems with that foul-mouthed midget who would only yell at him after not seeing the punk for several months. He didn't have time to deal with a selfish and arrogant little boy, no matter what kind of genius he was. Roy didn't understand how Edward could have such a foul personality and an extraordinary intelligence at the same time. The blonde had shared his theories and only a brief summary of the huge knowledge he had gained on subjects that all other Alchemists considered taboo and had close-mindedly suppressed all study. Roy had been left wondering just how Edward's mind operated in order to come up with such terrible and effective ideas. He had drawn out a copy of the array he'd used for his Mother's Transmutation for Roy, along with a new one with added corrections that he may one day use for his little brother. It had been amazing that a person could even comprehend the forces he was playing around with, much less a child that had yet to even grow facial hair. Edward had burned the copies before leaving, able to be prudent and wise when it came to his own research, but Roy still remembered them. It practically gave him chills just thinking about it.

"I think our little Full Metal Alchemist has fallen in love," Hughes announced secretively, leaning into his shoulder to whisper it to Roy alone. _That _was enough to make Roy finish off his drink; good, expensive brandy doing little to soften the blow. There was no reason why Roy would be concerned with such gossip. He didn't care what any of his men did on their own free time, from falling in love to losing another girlfriend, as long as they showed up for work on time and did their job. Edward was an exception, not just because he was a State Alchemist, but because he was still a minor running around on a military base and getting into trouble at every chance he got. Roy swore sometimes that Full Metal was doing it just to antagonize him. The loud-mouthed blonde had made quite clear before that he disliked Roy to an extreme. There was no warmth or comradeship between them, and Roy doubted that Edward even gave him the slightest bit of respect due to a superior officer. Child geniuses tended to think highly of themselves, even if they weren't deserving. He was going to have to teach Edward a lesson one of these days before somebody else did.

"Hah, I feel sorry for the girl that has to deal with his shit. Edward doesn't even know where to stick it yet," Mustang snapped out, nasty and crude and not even sure why. It had to be the alcohol, which he was already pouring to partake in more of. He didn't know how else he was going to be able to deal with the rest of the day if he wasn't smashed out of his head. Did everything have to be about that selfish and short Full Metal? Reports coming in demanding to know how Edward could perform Alchemy without drawing an array- how it could be used for battle with soldiers. Roy was lucky they were still in a tenacious peacetime, or he might have not been able to satisfy them with the explanations he had now. Once Roy had returned papers in significant detail about the necessity to have a near-death experience to acquire such powers, further probes had ceased.

Roy was struck by the odd desire to touch Edward's auto-mail; just feel it once. He had meet many other soldiers with mechanic limbs, but hadn't ever been interested in them before. For some reason, Edward had become somewhat special- just what would his day be if Full Metal didn't destroy something?

He was definitely drunk.

"I don't know if he wants to _stick it _anywhere, Roy Mustang," Maes quipped mysteriously, making Roy's eyes narrow at the use of his full name. Hughes knew something he didn't, and it obviously involved him in some fashion. Roy hated this guessing game, ready to snatch his crumbling glasses off his nose and finish the job.

"What are you talking about?" he demanded with little patience. Edward had already used it all up today when he blew up a part of Roy's office! Hughes' grin just widened, setting his glass down and pushing his broken glasses up on his nose as he took a deep breath; preparing to assume a role like some high-class actor.

"Mnn . . . Aah . . . _Roy_," Hughes made a stunning impression of Edward's voice in so few words, making inappropriate gestures with both hands. Roy felt himself blush like he hadn't done in years, staring in horror at Hughes as he made one final, wet pop with his mouth.

He had surely drawn the attention of everyone else in the dingy, smoky bar, Roy left utterly disgusted by the man yet again. Maes looked very satisfied at Roy's shocked expression, toasting himself quietly. He was still trying to wrap his mind around it. The fact that Edward was a minor bothered him a lot. It just wasn't right to have a child walking around with blonde hair, gold eyes, and the type of face Roy usually went for. He wasn't disturbed that they were both males, having seen more than his share of same-sex relationships while being in the military. It was just another way of life, when men got stuck out in the middle of hopeless, desperate situations where they might be shot, bombed, or killed in some spectacular manner with Alchemy, and their loved ones were far away in their home country. Desperate times made fools of them all. If only someone knew just how damn guilty he was of his war medals and commendations . . . but Roy was stuck being alone, unable to risk the liability of having a truly intimate lover. A normal, regular woman that wore skirts instead of military uniforms would also be easily threatened and coerced. He had thought about marrying within the ranks- and quickly came to the conclusion that other government personnel were absolutely, hopelessly jaded and ugly; those that weren't he respected too much to even think about them in such a manner.

"That little pervert was getting all hot and heavy in bathroom over you. I swear, why do all the pretty ones fall for the idiots?" Maes sighed out sadly, waving out a hand with a wedding band glinting on a finger. Funny that Roy should be the one being called an idiot by Hughes. He had to put a hand to his forehead, thumb digging into his temple at the utter absurdity of this all. He really hadn't needed to hear that Edward might have some feelings for him. Roy supposed it was only natural for the boy to have some sort of hero-worship toward him. He was the one who had discovered the brat wasting away in Rizenbul, and a few years later had the unique pleasure of enlisting Edward Elric into the military. Maybe Ed was finally realizing all the rule-bending and exceptions he had made for the Full Metal Alchemist; had grown up enough to realize how damn lucky he was that Roy even bothered talking directly to the rude little pup.

"I'm telling you Roy, if you don't stake claim soon, someone else will."

"I can't believe you're actually saying this," he tried to persuade Hughes from explaining any further. Edward was still so young; how could he possibly have a clue to what love was? It could simply be that Roy was the most handsome man on base, so it wasn't exactly Edward's fault if he joined the rest of the adoring idiots swooning over the Lieutenant Colonel.

"Take it from a married man. I know a working relationship when I see one. Edward isn't going moon over you forever if you keep acting oblivious," Maes warned him in dead seriousness, stopping everything to turn around and make full contact with Roy. He was certainly not 'oblivious' to anything! If Hughes didn't think that Roy noticed the lingering, second glances Edward would give him when he thought Roy had already returned to his paper work, the way his braid would sway between his shoulders when the Full Metal Alchemist stomped out of his office yet again, or that Edward didn't even bother to report in on the days _he _had off, there was something wrong with the man. Roy's curiosity had been aroused long ago, wondering just what might happen if he pushed the issue . . . but he was too much of a gentleman to paw at some minor with little to no experience. Roy could wait until Edward was old enough, had gotten into a few relationships of his own. The only problem was the thought of someone else taking Edward's virginity bothered him a lot more than it should. He had no reason to care other than Full Metal having something to show for all the research Roy had allowed him to conduct outside regular jurisdictions and rank. Edward didn't realize just how much had been invested in him, how many people were noticing his skill as an alchemist, among other things. Hell, even _Hughes _thought the situation was dangerous enough for him to mention something.

"You're drunk," Roy accused, desperate for a change of conversation and only clever enough to state the complete fucking obvious.

"No, _you're _drunk- and downright stupid if you're just going to leave it alone," Hughes snapped right back, hoisting up his drink to point at Roy in accusation- ending up spilling most of the content over his fingers and onto the counter as if to prove Roy correct the first time. It still didn't help the fact that Maes had just made a very good point. Roy _had _been ignoring everything outside of his professional relationship with Edward. What else could he do? There was no reciprocation for his own perverted and morbid desires, too much of an age difference . . . or at least Roy had thought he was the only one who had waited until he was drunk and lonely enough to start touching himself while picturing a short, blonde Alchemist that didn't yell at him for once. Of course, that Edward only existed in his dreams. He couldn't help but wonder what he was like in Edward's fantasies, if he took Maes' words as the truth, with a near suicidal interest.

He was no longer in the mood to talk or drink or do anything other than go home and sulk by himself. It was always one thing after another, and frankly Roy was losing the energy to keep up. He was sick and tired of anything that had to do with that damned Edward Elric. It was too hot to be concerned about these details. Though he wouldn't admit it to anyone else, the Flame Alchemist was ironically weak against the warm weather of East City. The air-conditioning had been running at full power since the moment he arrived, and none of his employees complained. Even so, appearances had to be maintained as Roy sourly pulled his military uniform back on.

"Be sure to pay the bill," Roy snapped out bitterly, officially done with this little chat. Hughes shook his head and waved his glass around in acrid understanding, recognizing that Roy was running away from this conversation but not about to stop him. Maes knew there were times when Roy had to figure things out for himself. This was one of them, nothing but silence for his goodbye as he stalked out of the bar and into the street. It was jolting to walk straight back into sunlight when it felt like his should be night. Roy absently reached inside his coat, figuring he might as well have a cigarette of his own on the walk back . . .

. . . and found his pack missing.

AUTHOR'S NOTES- Officially the quickest chapters I've ever written to date. I know you probably all don't believe me, but when I finally set aside the full metal project time, it only took a week and a day. I re-watched a few choice episodes and hit up for the annoying little details that I don't really care about but _do_ matter in the end. Don't try to write fan fiction with what little you remember watching. Thanks to xKesshoux for pointing out such errors.

Sincerest gratitude to Cutelikabu and Iie Nome for beta-ing.

And, most importantly: HOLY FUCKING CRAP I CAN'T BELIEVE THE REVIEWS I GOT!

–nuzzles up to the warm loving-

I think all the supportive comments are why this got cranked out so fast. Thank you so much for reading my work! I'm just glad to provide more . . .

Lots more.

(evil cackling and lightning flashes)


	4. Didnt know she had the GIJoe Kungfu grip

Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist and characters belong to Arakawa Hiromu and Square Enix . . . Has this become an Alternate Universe fic? You just don't know! Artistic license and spoilers abound- so untwist your panties and simply have fun.

To any stranger, untrained to military life, it would have looked like his office was the center of command during wartime; people rushing about in a desperate attempt to get everything delivered in an orderly fashion and do their _real _work at the same time. Roy had been trying to finish off the paperwork that had collected on his desk before noon- but yet another box thudded down on the small mountain that had formed in front of him.

Roy detested birthdays.

Why celebrate turning a year older? It was beginning to feel like the countdown until his death- or even worse, retirement. If he didn't work his way up to the top before he hit his forties, he wouldn't have any chance of continuing in the army as an old man. No matter how good of a State Alchemist he might be, even age could eventually render him useless to the military.

Turning thirty felt like he had wasted too many years along the way. He had joined the military young, had expected to become bigger than Lieutenant Colonel while he was in his twenties . . . underneath his own power. Filling up the political vacuum that had been created by the Furher's death and the following disappearances of other important military officers somehow left Roy feeling unsatisfied. Even though he was finally in a position with true authority, change was still an agonizing slow process. The army was in complete disorder simply because the chain of command had been so thoroughly broken. Roy had his hands full trying to assign people he could trust to take over the countless amount of ordinary soldiers- the lot of which seemed to be taking advantage of the chaos to desert their posts.

It reminded him of a missing Alchemist, one that had disappeared in the general chaos following the Furher's death. His corpse wasn't found in the rubble that had once been Central City's Military Headquarters. There had been no word from the brat . . . beyond the fact that his little brother had shown up in Rizenbol, his body apparently returned to the same day before he had been transmuted into a suit of armor. Roy had gone to see Alphonse in what could have been considered desperation, hoping that his State Alchemist would just as amazingly materialize if he went. The visit had been fruitless, since Alphonse didn't have any memories of the time he had spent as a soul affixed to armor.

He had been struggling with the most rudimentary of alchemy arrays in the front lawn with ridiculously small hands when Roy first met Alphonse Elric in the flesh. His hair was short and a plain, dirty blonde color with lightly colored puppy-dog eyes. The boy had barely reached above Roy's waist, his face dirty from playing all day long as he demanded for some sort of present or candy. Oblivious and trusting, an innocent smile that went from ear to ear- everything that the Elrics hadn'tbeen. Roy could only stare at the child like some sort of dumb, mute idiot; realizing for the first time just how _young _that hulking suit of armor had really been. He had been suddenly afflicted with guilt for treating the Elric brothers so harshly, actually having the time to feel sorry for himself now that the country was at some sort of relative peace.

Roy wouldn't have told Alphonse a thing, regardless of if he had been ordered by the Rockbells to stay quiet. He didn't have the heart to destroy that innocence and naiveté, the second chance Alphonse had managed to regain . . . likely at the cost of his older brother's own life. It was like Edward Elric had managed to leave this world completely, gone without a trace, without even saying a word. Roy had assumed that Edward would want to have one final scene, another tantrum about quitting the military for good . . . before the Full Metal Alchemist predictably came back crawling on his knees with his tail between his legs.

Only this time, it seemed like the smart-mouthed brat was gone for good.

Roy sighed, resting his chin on one hand as he leaned back in his chair and surveyed the presents that he would eventually have to go through or just incinerate the lot of. Boxes of varied shapes and sizes, all wrapped up in bright ribbons and paper with individual notes on each one. There was enough here to count for all the female personal on base two times over. Roy would bet money that some men had sneaked their own gifts into the mess in the groundless hope that he might be bribed into letting them off easy.

He would have set fire to his entire desk and the explosion of presents on top if he didn't know that in the midst of all these useless gestures would likely be something from Riza. She was a smart woman, and had bought him serviceable presents year after year. He still carried about a pocketknife from the first few times Riza had given him something for his birthday, a remarkably well-made piece of steel. There was also a handsome leather wallet when Roy had complained of his old one finally breaking, new filing cabinets for the office, and even a gun cleaning set. He had yet to receive a birthday present from Hawkeye that he couldn't use . . . it was the rest of the lot that he was dreading going through.

Roy closed his good eye, already feeling a strain on his vision from being overworked. It was almost going to be a year since he had been wounded. Permanently blinded.

No doctor or medical Alchemist had given him hope for anything different, so Roy had learned to accept it along with so much else. All he could do was learn to work with it and eventually overcome it . . . but that didn't keep Roy from getting headaches and having trouble gauging long distances. At least he instinctively knew the length of his arm and what he could easily reach instead of making himself into a fool by knocking things over in another clumsy mistake- Roy managed to keep that within the privacy of his own apartment. Riza at least had the good grace to pretend like nothing had happened while she tidied up after him, while everyone else had to stare upon him with pity . . . or with open horror at the eye patch he wore to cover the scar tissue.

It didn't seem to deter the flow of birthday presents, making Roy wonder how any of these idiots had found out about it in the first place. He had hired extra secretaries since becoming a temporary, military Head of State- and two had quit this morning after trying to keep track of all the birthday cards coming in as well. Havok had stepped out for a cigarette break hours ago; leaving Riza, Fuery, and several other dedicated souls to deal with the circus that had become of his office. Roy moaned, flicking his gaze around the presents and paperwork to Hawkeye going through a collection of messages at her own desk. If the intelligent bitch hadn't wisely positioned her desk exactly by the door to make sure a certain commanding officer wouldn't leave work early as he had done countless times before, Roy would have tried escaping long ago. Instead, he was stuck here until Riza dutifully checked out at five o'clock- thus giving him permission to leave as well. Even so, Roy's mind was working at a furious pace in attempt to figure out _some _way to convince Riza they should all just pack up and go home . . .

He doubted that repeating the fact that it was his birthday would work as an excuse on Hawkeye.

Roy began absentmindedly scratching the tip of his nose instead of attempting to actually get something done, leaning back in his chair in a slovenly manner . . . exactly on time for the door to open and let in a soldier that made the whole room go still.

He heard the distinct sound of high heels before he could actually make out the petite feet and slender black shoes that definitely weren't a part of military uniform. Neither were the thin white stockings that covered her perfect legs up to mid-thigh, allowing the slightest, teasing bit of tan skin be shown before Roy's engrossed stare hit the blue miniskirt. He _had_ to blink at that, letting his eye rest for a moment before checking again just to make sure it wasn't a trick of his inconsistent eyesight. The miniskirt was still there in all it's pleated glory, underneath a standard and stiff jacket that soldier wore; an utter shame as it hid the slightest curve of a breast.

And, to top it all off, she was a blonde. Golden, glimmering hair pulled up into two perfect pigtails that fell down to her shoulders. Roy had the sense of mind to stop scratching his nose before she turned away from Riza, able to get past his secretary with a few, soft words. He barely noticed how Hawkeye was staring after her, struck dumb by the strange, new woman's approach.

A blonde beauty in a miniskirt. She was his ideal woman, plucked straight out of dreams, and seemed to be carrying a small envelope that was meant for him. His chair suddenly seemed to become unbalanced at that moment, and Roy had to jerk himself upright and slam both feet on the ground in order to regain his seat . . . still managing to look like a fool, but it was better than if he had fallen over completely.

"General Mustang?" was asked in a heartbreakingly soft and shy manner, some aristocratic daughter that was horribly out of place among the other she-beasts prowling around in the military ranks. He liked the sound of her saying his name, wanting to tell her that it was alright to call him 'Roy' . . . and immediately felt the heat of Riza's glare turn up a notch even across the room, like she could read his mind. Roy snapped his full attention back to the new woman addressing him- determined to get her phone number before she left- and found himself staring into a pair of golden eyes.

Her coloring wasn't all that odd. Even Riza had yellow hair and darker eyes- but that was like comparing a piece of straw to the sun. It was like looking into a bizarre, mirror image of Edward Elric; one that was pretty, demure, and more importantly, _female_. She didn't seem like the type that would give him attitude- in fact, she could be a wife in an instant, in Roy's own opinion. Her entrance into his office was all Roy needed to decide he wanted her.

"Yes?" He tried to make the simple response as charming as possible, hoping that his eye patch wouldn't be too much of a deterrent. She raised up one thin eyebrow at that, bringing Roy's attention to the complimenting smear of glittering, tan make-up shadowing her eyes. It just made that gold light up in comparison; a lovely set of red lips that pursed and glistened wetly below . . . and finally opened up to speak.

"It's an urgent telegram for you, Sir," she prompted, holding the folded piece of paper in her hand up higher without actually shoving it into Roy's face. He took it slowly, his mind racing as he tried to think of something that would keep her there beyond the necessary delivery of this message. He flicked the paper open, his vision needing a moment to adjust . . .

_'If you're reading this, you really _have_ gotten old.'_

Painfully familiar handwriting, that sort of childish scribble unique anywhere.

Roy's head whipped up, staring up at that woman in mute shock as she grinned- exactly in the same manner as Edward Elric had done, white teeth flashing in triumph.

Roy felt his jaw dropped as he finally recognized just who was standing by his desk. He couldn't help glancing back down at those remarkable legs; both natural instead of one being auto-mail. Roy had to read the smart, arrogant message one more time just to be sure, then went back to that face . . . a little older now, the childish roundness to the cheeks gone, more mature and defined than before; if not any taller.

He hadn't seen the Full Metal Alchemist for years, but that wasn't a reason not to recognize him, no matter _what _he was wearing. He was damned lucky that there was a nice wall of birthday presents to hide his shocked reaction from his fellow officers- while Edward's grin grew wider every passing second.

He softly cleared his throat, refolding the message and tucking it into his breast pocket . . . buying precious time to collect himself while the former missing Alchemist gloated quietly. It took a tremendous amount of will not to just smack that sneer off the idiot's face and demand where he had been all this time. As rattled as he was by the brat's sudden appearance _in drag_, Roy understood that he had to go along with this act as long as they were in his office and under watchful eyes.

"Well, I see that this needs my personal attention," Roy finally mustered up a good excuse, pushing himself out of the chair and waving a hand at the 'message girl' to start moving. Edward raised up a fine brow, his smirk so much more defined with a little bit of lipstick; but he turned around and began walking toward the door nonetheless. Roy followed immediately on instinct alone, his mind blanking for a moment that this was Edward Elric when that skirt started swishing about the boy's legs.

It demanded his whole attention, Roy hardly seeing the rest of his staff scowling at him in pure loathing.

"But, Sir- . . ." Fuery moaned in a futile attempt to stop Roy, one hand raised up as if he just might dare to hold him back. He patted the Lieutenant once on his shoulder in reassurance before easily breezing past the man, leaving him whimpering alone as he stared at the daunting pile of birthday presents Roy was leaving behind. Nobody knew just how hard it was for Roy to stroll behind Edward at an easy pace instead of running off with the idiot to someplace private so he could demand a fucking explanation for it all! It was one thing to make a surprise visit after disappearing off the face of the earth- to show up in the military uniform of Roy's dreams, shamelessly wearing girls' clothing just to make an utter fool of him was another matter entirely. Roy refused to let this get the best of him, determined to play along even if it killed him . . . at least while they were still on military grounds and he had a title to uphold.

"Don't have too much fun," Hawkeye murmured in a voice that promised punishment later. She didn't even look up from her papers, obviously already aware of what was going on. Riza was probably only letting him go because it _was _his birthday, a surprisingly sentimental woman at times. Edward didn't seem bothered at the response, hell; the brat had probably already worked out some sort of deal with her. Roy would have started to intensely hate the both of them for conspiring against him- if Edward didn't lean forward ever so slightly to open the door and obliviously show off the slightest hint of white panties.

Definitely silk and cut for a girl, but on Edward's ass.

The door was shut behind them before Roy came to his senses long enough to realize that they were out in the hallway. He looked down both ways, checking to see that there were no personnel to spy on them for now. Edward spun around in a manner that would have befitted a young girl, quite pleased with herself for pulling such a stunt on Roy Mustang. He opened his mouth to say something that would no doubt be smart and filled with foul language . . .

Roy grabbed the insolent pup by the scruff of his neck, slamming his lips down on top of the blonde's own in a kiss he had meant to give years ago. Edward squirmed and protested for a moment, both of them staggering back until Ed hit the wall. The shorter blonde resisted for the proper amount of time, a few curse words spilling out between their mouths at the rough handling. Roy didn't really give a damn, more intent on kissing the utter life out of the brat . . .

He'd be damned if Edward wasn't wearing vanilla-flavored lip-gloss, a ridiculously expensive import from none other than Ishibal natives. One hand was slipped around Roy's back smooth as water, one leg prodding between his knees in a silent attempt to get closer. It made Roy have to wonder if Edward had learned that from someone else- and wanted to murder that someone out of pure jealousy. Ed's aggressive flirting shouldn't have made him this upset; it was more the fact that Hughes had been right. A nameless stranger had probably gotten to Edward first, and he could hardly stand the thought of it.

Roy came to his senses, grabbing the obnoxious little snot by the shoulders and pushing him off quickly. Edward stood there grinning like he had won some sort of prize, which only pissed Roy off further. How _dare _the fucking midget show up here after so long, having never once sent word that he was alive! Did he have any idea of the slow numbness Roy had gradually worked up as the months passed by without any sign of Edward Elric? He had already begun to start thinking about the possibility that the Full Metal Alchemist really had died, and then the blonde showed up in front of him like no time had passed at all.

Showed up in a miniskirt and two _real_ legs of flesh and blood.

"Wha- . . . Ho- . . . Whe- . . . _the fuck_!" Roy couldn't make a whole sentence, unable to decide which question to ask first. Edward just smiled right back into Roy's sputtering face; shifting his weight back in a way that forced him to look back down at that damn skirt.

"Let's go somewhere else before we get into that," Edward whispered into his ear- needing to haul himself up onto the tip of his toes by an arm hooked over Roy's shoulder. He couldn't help but notice it was Ed's left arm, checking back at the other; unable to tell if there was auto-mail underneath that uniform or not. Roy wanted a goddamn explanation for this all- why Edward was alive, had two real legs _and _the audacity to show up in the heart of military command in that outfit.

Instead, he followed like a dog after Edward to wherever the shorter blonde had in mind; every step making the Alchemist's hips sway back and forth until Roy's gaze couldn't be ripped off of that wonderfully developed rear . . . officially gone dumb with desire.

* * *

Riza sighed down at her paperwork, doing her best to ignore anyone who came in with yet another gift for Roy since the pile of presents on his desk was already obviously where the rest should go. She also tried not to listen to the rest of the staff go on about the short and slender little beauty that had just walked in, how old habits never died, damn Mustang for stealing yet another woman from them and etc. Riza couldn't help but keep an ear out for any sort of talk that might point toward deeper problems. Roy depended entirely too much on his natural charm, which only wore off more and more each day. He didn't think to listen to his subordinates and make sure that they were all undoubtedly loyal. Roy was much too oblivious, arrogant, and dense as a rock when it came to certain things . . .

Black Hayate began barking outside, no doubt trying to call her attention. Someone important was either entering or leaving the building. Riza frowned, carefully finishing up her last sentence on the page before putting the pen down. She rose from her desk and quickly went to the window, her fellow subordinates not even noticing her moving as they speculated on how far the Fuhrer would have gotten with that blonde number by now.

Riza looked down at the front grounds, quickly noticing Black Hayate running up to meet another dog. Even from the second floor, Riza could tell that the other dog had one auto-mail leg, his leash leading up to a slim figure in a blue sundress and wide-brimmed hat. Riza immediately recognized Winry Rockbell and her dog; the girl showing up willingly at a place where the man who executed her parents under orders.

Today was just full of unexpected guests.

She didn't even bother asking Fuery or Havoc to take care of things, deciding to follow the example of her superior officer and leave without a word. Riza made short work of out of the office, down the stairs, and through the front entrance; pausing once to make sure that her uniform was still in impeccable place before calling out to the girl.

"What a surprise, Miss Winry! What are you doing in Central City?" Riza waved a hand in greeting as she went up to meet the genius mechanic. Black Hayate barked one more time at the strange dog before quickly trotting up to Riza's heels. He was trained not to act too excited, but the excessively wagging tail told her just how happy the dog was to see her. Riza hadn't been able to go on her usual breaks because of Roy's birthday, so she hadn't been able to give Black Hayate his normal amount of attention.

"Riza! It's been forever!" Winry cried out, though she was standing right in front of the girl. Not much time had passed since she had last seen the female mechanic; just as much with Edward Elric. Now, the both of them showed up in the same day looking like the years had treated them well. Winry's face was a little bit longer, her eyes and lips more pronounced; but still childish in the soft-blue dress with a large yellow flower on the bottom of the skirt. It was a good thing she did have such a tough dog with her, otherwise such an innocent-looking girl was bound to call trouble to herself in a big city like Central.

"How have you been? I can't believe how big Black Hayate's gotten!" Winry asked warmly, holding her free hand down to the other dog. Black Hayate just glared at the offered fingers, not even bothering to sniff them before taking a seat squarely in front of Winry's dog. Black Hayate was protective of his master, obviously not about to let any other animals enter her affections.

"Today's been a little troublesome, but it's a nice surprise to see you here," Riza answered honestly, smiling at the girl. It was truly pleasant to see both Winry and Edward doing so well, even if the brats didn't have the common courtesy to contact either her or Roy beforehand. They had both been worried sick, gradually beginning to accept that Edward Elric was no longer in this world if not _truly_ dead, Alphonse Elric was nothing more than an ordinary little boy now, and Winry Rockbell would never be able to get over her parent's death. Riza had a hard enough time hiding her shock over seeing the Full Metal Alchemist waltz into the office as if no time had passed at all . . . and in Roy's fantasy of the female military uniform, complete with a miniskirt. Thankfully all the women and any man they could get their claws into unanimously voted down his first bill as Fuhrer. Even so, with Edward showing up so ridiculously out of place, Riza didn't know why more people hadn't recognized the bo- . . . _man, _Riza corrected herself, unable to call Edward anything different after seeing how much he'd grown up, a little more mature if not any taller.

"Den's starting to get old, so I really can't leave him at home. I just thought he should see a little bit more of the world before . . . before he . . ." Winry trailed off sadly, smiling in a lonely way that meant she had already accepted the fact. She was older too, handling the inevitable death of beloved pets very well; but, something about her was still very young as well. Riza hated to think that the matter of the fact might be that she was getting old herself. Birthdays passed by with little celebration, most often working in the office instead of partying to the point of ridiculousness, unlike _some_ officers.

"So, I see Edward is doing well," Riza urged the conversation into more polite grounds when the silent pause began to grow uncomfortable. Surprisingly enough, Winry blushed liked she had been there herself; sandaled feet shuffling around on the paved road nervously. Black Hayate's ears perked, noticing the embarrassment of the new and suspicious person standing by the strange dog. He was very good on picking up people's emotions, sometimes better at finding the guilty criminal in a lineup than the witnesses were.

"Ed asked me to help with . . . um, _that_. Did it work?" Winry asked, scratching the side of her cheek as if trying to decide between being proud or humiliated. Even though she hadn't been the one actually strolling about in drag trying to get into the Fuhrer's pants, she had definitely had a hand in that outfit. Riza _had _been wondering how the Full Metal Alchemist had managed to find matching shoes that certainly weren't military issue, along with the well-done make-up and hair. Edward had never been known for his fashion sense before, rather taken to wearing black since he was twelve years old. 

"Perhaps a little _too _well," Riza sighed, recalling how Roy had been all but drooling over the formerly-missing Alchemist. She had been doing her best not to jump out of her seat and demand an answer from Edward at gunpoint for why he had been gone so long, but silently went along with it instead. She had been slightly interested to see how long it would take Roy to notice as well . . . only to find herself growing more and more irritated with every passing second as Roy continued on obliviously. Really, he could be such an _idiot _at times. If Riza didn't keep an eye out for him, Roy would have been dishonorably discharged from the military years ago- not to mention the illegitimate, bastard children he had undoubtedly sired along the way. Roy didn't know how deeply indebted he was to her for always making sure there was a condom in the Fuhrer's desk or coat, knowing for damn sure that the fool didn't even bother to buy the things.

"I almost didn't believe Ed when he told me who it was for," Winry giggled nervously at the end, trying to make polite conversation out of it all. Riza just smiled back quietly at the mechanic, having realized many years ago that no woman would ever be able to stand the Full Metal Alchemist for long. He was still a selfish, arrogant brat that was far too prone to doing things his own way, without ever informing anyone else. Today had just been another prime example.

"Is . . . is _he _around?" the girl asked when the silence grew uncomfortable again.

Riza was certain that Winry wasn't referring to Edward, but the man who had killed her parents. If only the girl could see Roy when the man was finally off duty and let himself break down. There was so much regret in the man's heart that it hurt just watching as Roy drank himself to death, alone. He wouldn't let anyone join him, not since Hughes had died. Mustang had been trying to drown himself in the responsibility of his new position in the army, wasting away quietly no matter what Riza tried. Even so, it had still stung a bit inside when Riza had seen Roy's reaction to Edward's appearance, true and honest expression flooding into his face. She hadn't been able to do anything for Mustang, not like Edward could. It hurt- just ever so slightly- but she had to admit Edward just might be able to bring back that idiotic, perverted man that Riza had first sworn to follow as her commanding officer.

"I think that the Fuhrer is probably busy right now. Why don't you come with me to get some tea?" Riza suggested instead, wanting to divert them both away from this. She didn't really mean to think about what the Full Metal and Flame Alchemist might be up to by themselves, or have to worry about Mustang being sure to take the necessary precautions. It clearly wasn't her problem, so all Riza could do was take one possible threat out of the area. For better or worse, she would leave those two to their business and get Winry away before she could possibly interrupt them.

"I think I would like that," Winry agreed in a defeated tone, glancing back toward the military building in obvious longing. Riza just smiled civilly as she had been doing all day, resigned to allowing Roy this one day of freedom.

* * *

A quick shove and one locked door later, Roy finally had the older Elric brother alone in a room, without any prying eyes or listening ears. After the smoke had cleared and the military recovered from the mess Edward had left behind, Headquarters found itself with numerous empty rooms that had been cleared out. The Full Metal Alchemist somehow managed to strike the final blow against the Homunculus and all the traitors and spies that had been connected with them. The majority of them _had _to have been removed, leaving the current army understaffed, but Roy was still paranoid and secretive. He couldn't risk any sort of blemish on his newly found authority . . . however, he still managed to find loopholes to those rigid rules of etiquette. Being promoted to Fuhrer meant having the master key the building.

The room was drab, not exactly the place he'd imagine for finally having the Full Metal Alchemist in. It used to be a study, but the bookshelves were empty. All texts had been confiscated and were slowly being redistributed by the Central Library; once they had made sure it carried no heretic Alchemy equations or anti-government sentiments. There used to have been a large carpet on the floor, a clear outline on the wood that hadn't been protected from treading feet, but it was gone now. Similarly, large squares and rectangles were imprinted into the walls to mark where original paintings had once hung. Many of the valuable items in Military Headquarters had gone missing as well, mostly likely sold off for a nice sum by the thieving traitors that had deserted.

At least there was still furniture, placed miserably in the center of the room. Two couches sat directly across from each other with a little trash scattered between them. Some soldiers must have been using it as a break area, though Roy didn't understand why anyone would willing want to stay in such a depressing place. The only saving grace was the large windows that stretched all the way to the ceiling. They were high enough for there to actually be a view over the city's rooftops, distant mountains that Roy didn't give a damn about appreciating right now.

All he cared about was that there was no chance of interruption as he turned around on the Full Metal Alchemist. Nobody even knew that he had walked in here with an upstart little brat in drag, instead of an attractive young girl. Well, except for Riza, and she seemed to be in on the whole plot . . . not that Roy was about to complain when the result was Edward Elric wearing a skirt.

The blonde was still recovering his balance, wobbling forward on heels that he wasn't as accustomed to as Roy had first assumed. That didn't even matter though, not when Roy was caught up in everything above the ankles. Ed had always known how to put on a show, but this was rather ridiculous. How was he supposed to act like a gentleman when the smart-mouthed idiot was bouncing around in barely decent attire? There was no way that anyone could blame Roy for what would follow, not even Riza. Edward had called it upon himself the moment he had put that skirt on.

"Well, happy bir- . . ." Edward began, wearing that insolent smile from the first moment Roy had actually recognized the brat. They may have been reunited for only a few minutes, but Roy had already figured out that the best way to interrupt Edward was to kiss him firmly.

He grabbed both arms in order to hold the Full Metal Alchemist still while he leaned down to assault the blonde's mouth all over again. It wasn't just the lip-gloss this time that was driving him wild, but the taste of Edward himself and the warm, velvety inside of his mouth. Roy would have never imagined this sort of scenario for himself, all too caught up in the moment to give a damn about the consequences this could bring about later. Hell, the Full Metal Alchemist was supposed to be _dead_, but somehow he'd managed to cheat that too.

"So, you like your present?" Edward asked when Roy finally allowed them both the chance to breathe again. The blonde actually had the audacity to lick his lips like a cat that had just swallowed up a mouse whole, making Roy wonder just who was being taking advantage of here.

"You little shit, where have you been!" Roy demanded, not about to be drawn into Edward's game. His hands tightened around Edward's arm, noticing that the right one was solid and hard . . .

Roy glanced down at the blonde's feet, checking again the two legs that both seemed to be made of true flesh with none of the terrible scarring that was usually leftover on any sort of Human Transmutation. There was a reason why it was taboo practice. Edward, however, seemed content to dabble around in the art, a child that never learned his lesson. Roy let his hand slide down the thick sleeve of Edward's uniform, catching the blonde's fingers and tugging off the glove that had been covering them.

Sure enough, underneath were mechanical digits, steel shaped into something that resembled muscles with fine electric wiring for veins. Roy had been foolish enough to assume that since Edward had managed to regain his leg, he had also gotten his arm back as well. He was still in a bit of shock from merely seeing the Elric brat alive, his brain not picking up on these details like usual.

"What about your leg?" Roy asked softly, not really surprised to see the auto-mail. It was more the thought of Edward willingly performing the Alchemy that required human life for Equivalent Trade. Just the mere mention of the act could make weaker Alchemists break into tears, but Roy had managed to wrestle it down to slight, instinctive nausea. He had to when one of his subordinates was constantly wrestling with the equation to make human life.

"It only took one arm to get back here . . ." Edward trailed off, eyes rolling over to Roy's face and noting the confused look plastered all over his face. The shorter blonde sighed heavily, waving his hand through the air in defeat.

"It would take too long to explain right now. I already went through all this trouble, so . . ." Edward trailed off, big golden eyes enhanced by the mascara. Roy should have been able to resist, but the Full Metal Alchemist had brought up a very valid point. Edward Elric _was _standing there in a miniskirt and high-heels, all wrapped up in this flamboyant clothing for his birthday.

It was by far the most considerate thing anyone had done in years. Roy could ask as many questions as he wanted to _after_, becoming more focused on unbuttoning the front of Edward's uniform. The conceited little runt dared to lean in; lips brushing against his ear as Ed started unfastening the collar of Roy's jacket. It wasn't like he had been fantasizing of the smart-mouthed Alchemist lying back and taking it with obscenely loud moaning . . . well, he _had_ done so a few times before, but reality was always very different from what he expected.

Roy made sure to savor the moment, even if he did tear the offensive clothing off Edward's shoulders. The Full Metal Alchemist still had a trim, flat chest, hardened muscle that came along with carrying the weight of auto-mail. Roy had to wonder how he could have been fooled for a second by the older Elric brother, cursing the miniskirt that had managed to fool him so well. There was still terrible scarring at Edward's collarbone and armpit, becoming thicker and darker until the metal docking port cut off his skin. The auto-mail gleamed in the afternoon sunlight coming through the windows, inhuman and foreign. The metal shined so bright it would have almost ruined the mood . . . if the lighting didn't do a damn good job of bringing out the highlights in Edward's hair and the soft glow of his skin.

Roy 's hands moved of their own accord, pulling out the pigtails until the length of it was falling around Edward's shoulders. Roy knew damn well that most women would kill to have hair so fine and smooth, unable to stop his fingers from running through it. How many times had he wanted to grab that braid and haul the Full Metal Alchemist back into his office when the whelp tried to run off after getting the last word in? Who would have been able to guess that Edward Elric would have been able to grow up into such an attractive adult? Roy had assumed that Ed's foul attitude would have kept him out of any other lover's arms- had sat around and waited until Edward right up disappeared from his reach.

It _had _truly felt like Edward all but died on that chaotic day when the war finally reached a climax . . . simply because Roy had stubbornly refused to accept the fact that the oldest Elric might have actually managed to get himself killed this time.

"You selfish little punk. Do you have any fucking idea how worried I was?" Roy managed to growl out, ignoring how hard his hands were digging into Edward's arms. He didn't even remember grabbing a hold of the boy; but just had to feel him, smell him, make sure that this wasn't another hallucination brought on by his own guilt and misery. Roy wasn't about to admit to any sleepless nights spent drinking himself into a stupor- because thinking about all the possibilities that could have befallen the Full Metal Alchemist while sober made Roy physically ill.

But, then again, Edward Elric was alive and standing before Roy with two natural legs, barely anything hidden by that miniskirt. He looked better than fine, a few years doing the Elric more good than anyone could have guessed. Not that he was doing any better in the height department, but his face and cheekbones were more developed, childish fat fading away to defined muscles and bones structure.

Roy couldn't even put into words how perfect Edward's nose was.

"Bitch at me all you want _later_," the boy ordered softly, fingers dancing along the waist of Roy's pants. It had been so long since anyone had dared to talk back to him, to give him any sort of attitude after becoming the Fuhrer . . . and even longer since he had been able to feel human enough to actually want to have sex. Now, his pants were becoming so tight that he could hardly see straight, leaning down to smother Edward's lips with his own. He didn't even know how rough he was being until the Full Metal Alchemist's legs hit against the edge of a sofa and they both went tumbling down. There was a small grunt from Edward, the only sign of discomfort from the blonde before resuming in sucking on Roy's lower lip. He didn't know how Edward could have figured out that little trick, but it was more than enough to drive Roy up the wall.

"Shit . . . I missed you," Roy spoke honestly with his subordinate for the first time. It had been utter hell without the brat there to give him sarcastic rebuttals, never cowed into obedience like the fools running around in the military now. The boy had always been there to slam down on Roy at the slightest mistake, even worse than Riza when he put his mind to it. As infuriating as that attitude had been, the Full Metal Alchemist's absence had been enough to remind Roy exactly why he'd kept the Elric brother around.

It wasn't because of Edward's undeniable genius or his little brother's mysterious condition; he'd fallen in love at first sight, when he'd finally responded to a near-illegible letter that turned out to be nothing more than a child's scrawl. Edward had been wrapped up in bandages, nothing but stubs for two missing limbs, and was still coherent enough to catch his offer about become a State-certified Alchemist. It was rare enough to find a child that could read and write so far out into the countryside, but to find a boy that had already attempted Human Transmutation was beyond imagination.

Roy didn't have words to explain how impressively unique Edward Elric was. He didn't bother with trying to undress the smug little bastard, just flipped the skirt up over Ed's waist to show off the petite, pretty and lacey panties underneath. The alchemist really had gone all out on this charade, and Roy couldn't be more grateful. His hand was already sliding up the inside of Edward's thigh, cupping the hefty bulge that was trying to fall out from constrictive underwear. The Full Metal Alchemist was already hot to the touch down there, stiffening and twitching around in anticipation. It was quite possible that the brat wasn't as experienced as Roy had first thought, thumbing a line down the covered hard-on.

He finally got a reaction from that. Edward's hips jerked up from the stimulation, making a muffled grunt underneath Roy's mouth. He only pushed in further, pressing his heavier weight onto Edward until the blonde finally broke free the kiss- gasping for air like a drowning man. Roy hadn't even realized how forceful he was being until Ed managed to get some room between them. Tan limbs were spread out underneath him, a heavy mechanical hand bruising his upper arm. It slowly came to Roy that Edward was almost completely naked while he still had his boots and pants on . . . along with the eye patch.

Edward hadn't been around after the battle calmed down to something that resembled sanity. He didn't know the story behind Roy's latest badge of war, physically imprinted onto his face. It was the first time he'd been wounded in such a way. The disfigurement had forced Roy to realize just how damn vain he'd been over the years, taking his handsome features for granted until he'd lost a near half of them.

Roy squared up his shoulders, moving away ever so slightly on the couch; enough distance for him to not be emotional. Edward seemed to catch hint of the seriousness, pulling himself up with a loud creak in his auto-mail. The blonde at least had the mind to sit up and look him in the face, though he didn't seem to much care for his own nudity.

"Are you sure that you're alright with this?" Roy had to ask it, looking Edward straight in the face as he pulled down the eye patch. He watched as that golden gaze was drawn to the scarring. Roy was lucky that the lead had gotten embedded in his skull before actually going into his brain. He might not yet be fully recovered with small twitches caused by damaged nerves, but Roy was an expert on hiding weaknesses. He could still stare Edward down, waiting for the horrified reaction that was sure to follow. Even Riza hadn't been able to keep the shock from her face when the bandages had first come off.

Edward smirked. Without even saying a word or twitching an eyelid- he just grinned at Roy like he was dealing with an extremely slow child. Edward closed the distance between them rather quickly, silently climbing over Roy's lap to plant his lips on top of the permanently closed eyelid.

The skin had been damaged, but the nerves were still working properly- in fact, they were sending electric shock through his head. The soft pressure of Edward's kiss slowly let up before Roy even had a chance to recover. He could only sit there in complete oblivion with Edward perched on top of his thighs.

"You've _got _to kidding if you think this would gross me out," the Full Metal Alchemist rolling his artificial shoulder for good measure. Roy was left with his mouth hanging open. The most obvious answer had been right in front of him the whole time, and it had never _once _come to mind. Of course a little facial scarring wouldn't repulse Edward. He had lost both an arm and a leg to Equivalent Trade, mangling his body in impossible ways that didn't even compare to Roy's own wounds.

He buried his face into Edward's shoulder, wrapping his arms around the smaller frame and crushing the blonde to his chest. He inhaled the flowery perfume and the basic scent underneath, of the warm, human body that wasn't another bad dream brought on by too much alcohol. Only Edward was able to upset his balance like this. No other person, be them past superior officers or old flings, had managed to get so thoroughly underneath his skin. He could actually get pissed off at the boy, or worry himself senseless; depending on how trying Edward was being at the moment. Very few people even dared to test his patience like that, but Ed did it on every possible occasion.

Eventually, his hands managed to drift down the bony expanse of Edward's spine, past the divot of his hips, and began kneading the fleshy globes of his ass. It was a dream come true. Roy was barely able to hold himself in, wondering when the oldest Elric had become so developed. Unlike the rounded curves of a woman, the Full Metal Alchemist was nothing but flat muscle. A few of his bones still protruded out, enough for Roy to grab hold of and clench tightly. Edward had no idea how long it had been since he'd been able to admit this sort of need for another person, so trained to the ideal of an unshakable Fuhrer.

Roy went still, hunched over Edward's shoulder even though the blonde was sitting on top of his lap. He knew Edward would be upset if he knew how much Roy had come to adore that short, compact figure. Roy just liked how Edward could conform to his own body . . . small enough to still hug and protect from the rest of the world, except there was nothing but muscle and metal underneath criminally smooth skin.

Edward obviously grew tired of being slowly suffocated against his chest, making a few muffled protests before he outright pushed Roy away. He couldn't quite recover from the shock, wondering if he could have possibly done something to offend- . . . and found himself left without a proper defense as Edward's mouth pressed against his forehead. He was kissing the wrinkles there for no reason at all, a hand threading through his hair and tilting Roy's head back to an angle that Edward preferred. Roy was more than content to let the blonde take charge as Ed dropped back down to his mouth and continue their kiss from before.

The Full Metal Alchemist could be aggressive as well, drawing Roy into his own pace without thinking. He finally let his finger drift downward, past the small crevice of flesh and into a waiting hole. The blonde was hot inside, once Roy got past the dry resistance of muscle. Soft and wet beyond any woman; the tightness of the Full Metal Alchemist's anus around his knuckle was enough to make Roy drip against the fabric of his pants. Edward made a few hitching breaths of irritation, obviously uncomfortable but refusing to say so. He didn't know if he would be able to restrain himself any more, about to force himself on the blonde without another consideration fo-

"Oh, _damn_, I nearly forgot!" Edward cried out suddenly, jumping away from Roy without any notice. The little shit didn't seem to care about his bare, untanned butt as he began to randomly kick at the discarded clothing on the floor. Edward was unpredictably caught up in finding something, leaving Roy with his hands still around the air where the blonde _should _have been.

He seriously considered hitting the Full Metal Alchemist.

Edward didn't have the slightest clue to how easily he'd ruined the mood, finally making a noise of triumph as he snatched up his jacket. Something was pulled out of a pocket before Edward spun around; hiding whatever _it _was behind his back. That motion made heavy balls and a semi-aroused cock flop about below slightly darker golden curls . . . swinging with a hypnotic power that only grew worse as Ed began to walk back to him.

Roy tried to remember that he was angry with the blonde, gaze locked down at his crotch. Roy hadn't taken the time to really look before, too caught up in his own passion, but now he noticed that Edward was certainly well endowed. It was like some sad, bizarre compensation for the poor kid never being able to make it past five feet tall.

When Edward finally came close enough, Roy was already stretching out his hand without thinking. He easily palmed up the thick shaft, fingers clasping the underside of Edward's genitals. Roy squeezed gently, wishing to feel the soft and wrinkled skin, test the weight . . . but, above all, make Edward's breath hitch and cause an irrepressible blush on that usually arrogant face. No matter what may have happened in the years that Edward had disappeared, but Roy could still be confident that he had much, _much_, MUCH more experience than the little brat. He had the complaint list of official papers to prove it.

So, he was quite ready when Edward's knees trembled before finally giving out. He guided the Full Metal Alchemist down to land on top of his thigh, straddling his leg pleasantly. Edward was still caught up in his own body's reaction, hips jerking into his hand instinctively. Both hands caught down on his leg, one made of unforgiving metal. Roy didn't mind about the painful aching that was sure to turn into bruising tomorrow. He cared more about thumbing a line along Edward's penis, enjoying the way the blonde twisted about. Roy had never actually been in control of the Full Metal Alchemist before, so he was determined to enjoy every moment of this.

Edward finally made a weak little purr, obviously trying to stay completely mute and failing miserable. Roy laughed softly at that, pressing the tip of his thumbnail into the little ridge of flesh around the twitching head. Edward fell forward against his chest at that, hauling himself up along Roy's leg until he was close enough to bury his face into his neck. Wet lips attached to his shoulder, distracting him for a moment-

The blonde struck like a cat, his hand snapping down to the front of Roy's pants and ripping the fly open. Rou couldn't help but make a surprised grunt, hunching down as Edward pulled out his own erection. The little snot had the nerve to put a knee up onto the couch, hoisting himself up as if that was all it would take for sex between two men. Roy might not have much knowledge on the particulars, but there was definitely a need for _some _kind of lubricant.

"W-wait a second . . . let me think of something," Roy halted, miserably realizing he just couldn't take Edward dry, even if he had already stretched the boy out somewhat. He lifted his hand up to his mouth, wondering if licking his fingers might do the trick before Edward caught his arm. The blonde shook his head with yet _another _smirk on his face, wondering just what it could be this fucking time.

Edward pulled up Roy's now-limp hand, depressingly away from his crotch. Roy was wondering if he just might have gone too far this time, but he was surprised again . . . as if the oldest Elric had made a sport out of constantly keeping him confused and off-guard.

A brand new package of lube was slapped into his hand, accompanied with an even larger smile than before. Roy could honestly say that he had never seen Edward look so happy before, emotions finally reaching those deep, golden eyes.

" . . . I love you so much," Roy had never been choked up with emotion before, actually finding it hard to talk.

"_Blah, blah, blah._ Let's get busy," Edward shut him up quickly, waving at the air like he could brush away every single worry. The idiot always acted without considering the consequences. If he _did_, Edward would have never ended up with mechanical implants for his limbs. Roy shook his head, unable to keep from smirking at his own foolishness. He kept on underestimating the blonde, and now he actually had a chance to make it up to Edward . . . an opportunity Roy thought he had lost long ago.

He had to kiss Edward first as a reward for being able to surprise him time and time again. This was by far the best damn birthday present he'd ever gotten. Roy had to run a hand through his hair, cupping the back of his neck to tilt Edward's head back for a better angle. His tongue was in that warm, velvety mouth before Roy even thought about it, just focusing on tasting Edward's own lips and saliva.

Edward wrapped both arms around Roy's shoulders, hauling his lithe body up along Roy's leg until their erections brushed against each other. They both hissed at that, breathing into each others' mouths at the simple closeness.

Roy left Edward responsible for supporting himself, since both hands were required for twisting off the tricky cap for the lube. He managed to open it up behind Edward's head, messily squeezing out large globs onto his fingers. Some dripped down onto the blonde's back as well, but neither of them really seemed to notice at the time. He tossed the crumpled metal tube aside, already tracing a greasy line down to the cleft of Edward's buttocks.

It was strangely rewarding to finally slide an explorative finger inside the Full Metal Alchemist. How long had he imagined having this sort of power over the oldest living Elric? It wasn't like Edward didn't call it upon himself with stupid stunts time and time again . . . like using drag as disguise to sneak into the heart of military intelligence and have sex. Roy would have suspected this was all nothing more than a dream, if Edward's muscles were clenching so tightly around his knuckle in stark contrast to the warm and soft inner skin.

Edward made a small, mewling yelp against his chest, jerking forward when Roy brushed against some unknown spot. He was already adding a second finger, beginning to worry that he might not be able to hold himself in. Roy _refused _to think about it any more, no matter how much the blood was rushing to his loins. He would have Edward properly or not at all, concentrating on stretching out the resisting flesh surrounding his fingers.

Hot and sticky moisture began forming on Roy's stomach. He had to look down to confirm that it was Edward, sperm starting to leak from an engorged head. That, along with the flush covering Ed's cheeks and the dazed, stupefied golden eyes locked on his own was enough to tell Roy that the blonde was finally ready. He pulled out, using the sloppy mess left behind on his hand to coat his own erection. He kept his palm underneath the pulsing organ, using his other arm to hoist Edward up even further.

Roy guided his erection into the loosened ring of Edward's anus, only to find more opposition further in. He had to clench his eyes against the painful cry Edward made.

No matter how much he tried, there would still be the initial hurt of entry. Roy whispered a promise that it would get better while he continued to lower Edward down. He was lying, and Edward _knew _it, but was still managing to grit his teeth and clench his eyes shut. The heavy weight of Edward's own body suddenly dropped down onto Roy's lap, thighs giving out in one quick motion. He wondered for a moment if Edward had just thought it better to get the worst over with, grunting and choking in an obvious attempt to keep from crying out.

Then, Roy was completely encompassed by the feeling of Edward being wrapped around the most sensitive organ on his body. Tight, pulsating flesh was pressing against every part of Roy's cock, buttocks settled nicely on top of his balls. His fingers dug into the back Edward's hips, forcing the blonde to stay there as Roy simply enjoyed the sensations, like the minute trembling that was running down Edward's spine. The impressively fine gold of the Full Metal Alchemist's eyelashes. The way his whole body clenched around his dick with every drawn-out pant.

He had to grab at Edward's hair and crush their lips together yet again. Apparently Edward had the same thought, because their tongues clashed together and began to fight it out for dominance. Roy wasn't about to be outdone by some naïve pup, one that he'd witnessed going through an agonizing slow maturity along with voice changes and a tendency to grow a splotchy bit of facial hair if he got too caught up in studying some archaic volumes in the library. His other hand absent-mindedly went to the forgotten erection that had been slapping against his stomach for quite some time now.That caused an immediate reaction; a loud whine up into Roy's mouth, knees tightening against his hips as Edward rose to meet him. The blonde was much more sensitive there, genitals or not. He'd been managing to do a good job of restraining himself up until now. But, when Roy had his fingers wrapped about the length of Edward's penis and his thumb resting over the head, the blonde seemed unable to do anything beyond rubbing his whole body against Roy's. Damn it all to hell if the brat wasn't trying to turn him on with that movement.

Edward lifted himself up ever so slightly, thighs and shoulders trembling as he almost managed to pull off of Roy's heated erection . . . than slammed right back down, grinding his pelvis into Roy's hips. The Full Metal Alchemist finally screamed aloud at his own actions, shuddering before he easily came to his own climax. Hot and sticky sperm spilled out between their groins, Edward sliding forward limply.

Roy would have assumed that the blonde would have had more stamina, but he found the sudden lack of resistance strangely endearing. He grabbed at Edward's ass yet again, determined to ride the boy out to completion. There was only warm and supple opposition- the simple shape of Edward's insides not yet accustomed to his own girth.

If this had been with a woman, Roy would have tried to be more gentle, slow down just in case he might be hurting his partner. But, this was the eldest living Elric left; certainly more than used to a little bit of pain. Roy was sure he was leaving bruises on the blonde's skin, holding on with desperation born of years of not knowing where Edward had been. Roy wasn't going to let go so easily, ever again, no matter how much he might hurt Edward. The Full Metal Alchemist didn't even cry out when Roy ejaculated deep inside his guts, clenching his arms around Edward's backside.

He stayed there panting heavily over the blonde's shoulder, keeping his flaccid organ buried up inside Edward. Roy couldn't even believe it was over already, dreaming of this exact moment for so long that he didn't quite know what to do now. It certainly hadn't matched up with many of his fantasies, except the part with the miniskirt and pigtails . . .

"Why do you have to be so much damn trouble?" Roy sighed, shaking his head against Edward's warm and sweaty shoulder. There wasn't an answer from the boy, seeming content to just daze against him. All Edward needed was to start purring to be the epitome of a happy cat. Roy _considered _getting angry with the selfish and inconsiderate Alchemist . . . and then just squeezed his arms tighter around Edward. Just a few days ago, he wouldn't have even thought it possible for the brat to be alive. Not that he would admit to having such little hope.

Roy felt like a huge weight had been lifted, having the peace of mind to actually just sit there and stroke Edward's hair. He could honestly say he had gotten everything he'd wanted for his birthday for the first time in his life.

He finally had to pull himself away from Edward's shoulder, glancing down at the floor to find his jacket. Roy slipped a foot underneath the coat and lifted it up a bit . . . stretching out an arm to grab at it awkwardly. Edward grunted his displeasure at getting squashed even further against Roy's chest, rolling down to escape. Roy made quick business of fishing out a packet of matches and carton of cigarettes from the side pocket, tossing the jacket away before it could possibly get in the way.

At least Edward didn't seem too displeased with the interruption; probably because Roy was a little bit more tactful about it than the Full Metal Alchemist had been only minutes ago. He hadn't been _displeased _with Edward for thoughtfully bringing lubrication, but the arrogant brat had gone about it in a way that had nearly destroyed the mood. Now that the passion of the moment was gone and Roy wasn't so scared that this Edward was only a figment of his imagination, he wanted a nice stick of nicotine after such a mind-blowing experience.

Edward still was silent, showing a bit of maturity in the aftermath of their lovemaking. He palmed up his hair, scooping the bulk of it around his neck before settling down on Roy's lap. Edward's shoulders stuck to the mess left behind on his thighs and groin, but the blonde didn't seem to care about it in the slightest. He just grabbed one of Roy's arms and forced it over his shoulder, making a simple cushion of the military's Fuhrer.

Roy shook his head at that daring attitude, actually beginning to feel his age as he remembered all the times Edward had completely ignored the authority he was supposed to have. It was nostalgic as all hell, except for the fact he had _finally _managed to get Edward exactly how he'd wanted. Maes was probably laughing it up in Heaven right now for Roy taking so damn long in the first place.

All the deep thinking and regretting only made the cigarette taste better when Roy finally lit up. He leaned back against the couch, closing his eyes and simply appreciating the warm weight Edward made against his body. His hand was already absently running along the boy's shoulder and the small divots his ribs made along his chest . . . secretly assuring himself that Edward was still there. He just might be old enough to start going senile, having too many delusions of this very same situation before to be convinced.

"I could go for one too, right about now," Edward suggested in no uncertain terms, waving his hand underneath the drifting smoke.

Roy raised an eyebrow at the naked blonde sprawled out across his legs, easily managing to snap him back to reality with only a few words. He didn't know if he should be surprised or not that Edward had started smoking. There was certainly worse that the Full Metal Alchemist could do, but Roy's protectiveness of the blonde had suddenly doubled. Sex could do that to a man, especially when he had been wanting it for so damn long.

"You can't smoke. It's bad for you," Roy answered back, ignoring the contradiction he made as he kept on inhaling. Edward's brows instantly came together, scowling up at him in familiar irritation. Roy couldn't help enjoying himself. It had been so long since he'd gotten a chance to tease the infamous Full Metal Alchemist, always finding Edward's reactions rather amusing.

"Then, _you_ shouldn't smoke either," Edward stated the obvious with a dark frown. His lips were making a hard line of displeasure, but it was offset by the fact they were turning a dark red from being kissed too hard.

"This is my birthday, after all. I can do what I damn well please," Roy reminded him. Edward grumbled out something under his breath, snapping his face away in disgust. All Roy could catch was something about a dirty old man and his stamina, and he could easily guess that Edward hadn't meant it in flattering terms.

"I _will _have you take that back," Roy demanded, letting his fingers tighten on the fleshy ring of Edward's nipple. There was a visible jerk along his body, but otherwise the Full Metal Alchemist managed to keep grinning despite the stimulation.

"Just try and make me," Edward shot back arrogantly, eyes twinkling with further mischievous. Roy was more than ready to meet the challenge, smashing out the cigarette on the low table. Edward made a small protest at the waste, obviously still after a little a bit of nicotine, but he really couldn't really say anything. Not when Roy was already back and kissing Edward just as passionately as before.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I tried to make up for lost time. I really did. There's enough fanservice in here to kill a man (or woman), so I can only hope that works out nicely for an apology. DevineWaterDragon and Alphonze get major props for being on my ass at least once a month since the last chapter. That kind of hounding does get the job done. And, of course, undying gratitude to my muse Iie Nome for reading through the sex scene for errors. Otherwise, I just pretty much took the animeverse and mutilated it to my own liking. Jyan!

But, last but not least, you for reading this.

Fanfiction is made possible by people like you.

All you haters can go eat a dick.

Lots of Improper Lovin' for my readers!

The Gher


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